Big tornadoes, car alarms, strong perfume, piggy farms,
Right-wing country, soccer playing, NASCAR on TV
Bill O'Reilly, emo lovers, wiretapping undercover
Hornet stinging, AI* singing, hardware shopping sprees
Stomach flu, flunked tests, doors that jam, hard headrests,
Posers and other fakes, food that takes too long to bake
Ads in movies, vaccines, people who are just mean
Tires screeching, pundits preaching, morons like the 1 Guy!
These things provoke my ire
If my ears start steaming
You'll be running, screaming
My face is full of fire
Like I drank Tabasco
This bull you can't lasso!
Porizkova (Paulina), grossly undercooked weenahs,
Pervy fellas, word misspellers, fast or slow clocks
Bad jokes, biting bugs, wishless genies, dead plugs,
Being too tall, films with lots of schlock
Brain freeze, sore throats, everything that Hawthorne wrote,
Sweaty running (burning feet), grating noises, rotten meat
Barbies, Microsoft, really hacking deep coughs,
Sappy folks, finger pokes, very smelly sewers!
You say that I'm a liar
But while you're so smarmy
King Kong looks like Barney
My rage can't go much higher
Stay clear when I'm pissed off
(But I'll spare you, Kristof!)
Kiddie shows, aching backs, sticky weather, dental plaque,
Earwigs, endless lines, obscene li-brary fines,
Nagging moms, crowded malls, being hit with spitballs,
Math tests (they're suicide!), seeing pimples magnified...
Balls of volley, prog rock, sports junkies, lying docs,
PMS, golf shows...rather watch the grass grow,
U2–Bono irks!, not knowing how something works,
Fox News Channel, MySpace, being in the rat race!
The situation's dire
Better climb a ladder
If I'm getting madder
It's nothing you desire
A human volcano
Grab a jet to Plano!
Driver's Ed, smoke fumes, getting stuck in bathrooms,
Hairpins, cave-ins, mosquito invasions,
That one word that I deem moot, starts with c and rhymes with "mute,"
Pop-ups, bling-bling, hearing my father sing
Essays, nasty brutes, guys that dress in Santa suits,
Giant mice! Body lice! Ibuprofen would be nice...
Watch when I go haywire
See my head–it's sparking
Shows up in the dark-ing
Please, you shouldn't inquire
I don't need a motive
When I act explosive!
Macho jerks, bratty snobs, knowing I don't have a job,
Big creeps, no sleep ("cause of school), phone beeps
Blizzards, gizzards, tight deadlines, staying within confines,
No-name morons on the tube, too-much-info ads for lube
Heels with blisters, pinchy shoes, crashed computers, awful news,
Paper cuts! Sunburned butts! Fish! Bugs! Pizza Huts!
50-hour license laws, government that's full of flaws,
Crappy songs I need to pause, you can bet this Cat's got claws!
Though this is a satire
Things that cause provokin'
Are no cause for jokin'
Be prepared to expire
Or at least get chased, see
If you do debase me!
These things provoke my ire
But before I go
Steam I will still blow, and blow, and blow, and blow....