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Song Parodies -> "Things That Provoke My Ire"

Original Song Title:

"We Didn't Start The Fire"

Original Performer:

Billy Joel

Parody Song Title:

"Things That Provoke My Ire"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

I never thought I would do this song, actually. But sometimes all you need is a good title to get the ball rolling, and this was the case here. (Not to mention the OS is an old favorite of mine, I have it on my iPod.)
Big tornadoes, car alarms, strong perfume, piggy farms,
Right-wing country, soccer playing, NASCAR on TV
Bill O'Reilly, emo lovers, wiretapping undercover
Hornet stinging, AI* singing, hardware shopping sprees
Stomach flu, flunked tests, doors that jam, hard headrests,
Posers and other fakes, food that takes too long to bake
Ads in movies, vaccines, people who are just mean
Tires screeching, pundits preaching, morons like the 1 Guy!

These things provoke my ire
If my ears start steaming
You'll be running, screaming
My face is full of fire
Like I drank Tabasco
This bull you can't lasso!

Porizkova (Paulina), grossly undercooked weenahs,
Pervy fellas, word misspellers, fast or slow clocks
Bad jokes, biting bugs, wishless genies, dead plugs,
Being too tall, films with lots of schlock
Brain freeze, sore throats, everything that Hawthorne wrote,
Sweaty running (burning feet), grating noises, rotten meat
Barbies, Microsoft, really hacking deep coughs,
Sappy folks, finger pokes, very smelly sewers!

You say that I'm a liar
But while you're so smarmy
King Kong looks like Barney
My rage can't go much higher
Stay clear when I'm pissed off
(But I'll spare you, Kristof!)

Kiddie shows, aching backs, sticky weather, dental plaque,
Earwigs, endless lines, obscene li-brary fines,
Nagging moms, crowded malls, being hit with spitballs,
Math tests (they're suicide!), seeing pimples magnified...
Balls of volley, prog rock, sports junkies, lying docs,
PMS, golf shows...rather watch the grass grow,
U2–Bono irks!, not knowing how something works,
Fox News Channel, MySpace, being in the rat race!

The situation's dire
Better climb a ladder
If I'm getting madder
It's nothing you desire
A human volcano
Grab a jet to Plano!

Driver's Ed, smoke fumes, getting stuck in bathrooms,
Hairpins, cave-ins, mosquito invasions,
That one word that I deem moot, starts with c and rhymes with "mute,"
Pop-ups, bling-bling, hearing my father sing
Essays, nasty brutes, guys that dress in Santa suits,
Giant mice! Body lice! Ibuprofen would be nice...

Watch when I go haywire
See my head–it's sparking
Shows up in the dark-ing
Please, you shouldn't inquire
I don't need a motive
When I act explosive!

Macho jerks, bratty snobs, knowing I don't have a job,
Big creeps, no sleep ("cause of school), phone beeps
Blizzards, gizzards, tight deadlines, staying within confines,
No-name morons on the tube, too-much-info ads for lube
Heels with blisters, pinchy shoes, crashed computers, awful news,
Paper cuts! Sunburned butts! Fish! Bugs! Pizza Huts!
50-hour license laws, government that's full of flaws,
Crappy songs I need to pause, you can bet this Cat's got claws!

Though this is a satire
Things that cause provokin'
Are no cause for jokin'
Be prepared to expire
Or at least get chased, see
If you do debase me!

These things provoke my ire
But before I go
Steam I will still blow, and blow, and blow, and blow....
*American Idol. As for "vaccine," it's really meant to be "vaccination," i.e. the actual shot part. Vaccines are good things, but I left it in since it fits and it was one of two words of the OS I left in...try and spot the other one!

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.8
How Funny: 4.7
Overall Rating: 4.7

Total Votes: 32

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 2   0
 3   0
 4   2
 5   29

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Lionel Mertens - July 03, 2006 - Report this comment
I wrote some pervy parodies in my time. Do you hate me? 5's
alvin rhodes - July 03, 2006 - Report this comment
great job on a tough song
Kristof Robertson - July 03, 2006 - Report this comment
Well, dear Cat...I'm speechless. You are a VIP (Very Impressive Parodist) and this miesterwork only proves it more. I'm watching my back...BRAVO! 5s ++++.
p.s. Thanks for the mention; I's like to believe you would spare me because I'm awfully sweet...but I have a feeling it's because my name rhymes with "pissed off"...oh well, cest la vie! Fabulous in every way....
Johnny D - July 03, 2006 - Report this comment
Impressive indeed! Excellent job varying the choruses.
Cat - July 03, 2006 - Report this comment
Thanks everyone! The reception I've gotten so far certainly doesn't anger me. =)
Michael Pacholek - July 03, 2006 - Report this comment
Gotta disagree with you on Nathaniel Hawthorne (proof that New Englanders were angst-ridden long before the Red Sox existed) and sports junkies (isn't it obvious?). Other than that, a spectacular effort, and as the unofficial master of BJ parodies (and I mean Billy Joel, not the other thing), I give this five turnstiles.
Cat - July 03, 2006 - Report this comment
Thanks Mike! (But who's the bozo who gave me those two ones?!?)
Rick C - July 03, 2006 - Report this comment
TMGLTM Cat ! Excellent all around. 555 :-)
Peregrin - July 03, 2006 - Report this comment
Really enjoyable, Cat :) Is the other word "Invasion" ?
Stuart McArthur - July 03, 2006 - Report this comment
a wonderful smorgasbord of amusing gets, Cat - and what are those guys in Santa suits THINKING? - even surpasses your usual high standard - 555
Cat - July 04, 2006 - Report this comment
Actually, Peregrin, I forgot about that one! (I just hope I didn't cross over into plagiarism...) The one I had in mind was "U2," which referred to the spy plane in the original but refers to the band in this context, heh heh. And many thanks to Stu as well!
carol - July 04, 2006 - Report this comment
three meows and five 5's!
Paul Robinson - July 05, 2006 - Report this comment
very clever - you continue to amaze, this is filled with more pans and puns than I forget in any given day...which is quite a few now, it's ~ ~ ~
Matthias - July 31, 2006 - Report this comment
I'm amazed! Is there a song that you can't do?!
Agrimorfee - August 04, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Ditto there a song you can't do...or do so freakin' good each time?
Chris Bodily TM - August 04, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) While I strongly disagree with the inclusion of prog-rock, Microsoft, and U2 (at least early U2) on your ire list, this was hilarious and goes with TOS like second skin. Great lines, awesoime title sub, and all in all, an incredible parody. 555
The Charnstar - August 04, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) YAY! I love parodies of We Didn't Start The Fire, they're so hard, I tried to do one once about Superhero Villians, and another about me and my two best mates, Harry and Frullet, but they both have screwed up hopelessly. This is a great parody, most likely, this will be my 5 points
paula miconas silos miconas - August 08, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) this is a brilliant parody, and like The Charnstar said is flippin hard to do! well i reckon anyhow. iv tried n failed.. lol. so congrats.. u did really well and it turned out nicely! was funny and enjoyable.
Michael McVey - August 09, 2006 - Report this comment
Could this be the year of the cat? This, btw, is a song I plan to spoof in the near future-- as is the one I just alluded to. I'm sure a few more 5's won't provoke your ire. -- MM
Kristof Robertson - August 09, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) see much anger for one so young! ;-) This level of writing puts a lot of veterans to shame. Bravo!
Cat - August 09, 2006 - Report this comment
Additional thanks to everyone who's commented and voted. =D I just hope I haven't lost my touch now that I'm 16...I'm currently working on a parody of CCR's "Down On The Corner" right now, look for it soon!
Rick C - August 13, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) See above, a pleasure to re-visit, Cat.
Matthias - August 14, 2006 - Report this comment
These things pissed off the Cat -hairstands up on back- Hiss!!!!
Max Power - August 14, 2006 - Report this comment
Red Ant - August 16, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) I was going through your parodies for your up-and-coming tribute, and realized I missed this first time around. Outstanding work, and "too-much-info ads for lube" had me laughing out loud, literally. Big 5s
Peter Andersson a.k.a K1chyd - August 17, 2006 - Report this comment
SOTM - Anger management therapy 101... ehh... I mean 555.
Stuart McArthur - August 17, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) yeah, brilliant, Cat - and to my earlier mentions, I'd like to add wishless genies, and magnified pimples - it's funny because it's SO diverse - the things you hate traverse the entire spectrum of the human experience
Cat - August 20, 2006 - Report this comment
Again, thanks to everyone! Jack, that was one of my favorites as well. And Stu, I really only put in "wishless genies" because I couldn't think of a better sub for "Toscanini," but I'm glad you liked it. =)
bobpiecheese - August 25, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Hmmm...Cat parodies a friggin' hard song and does it where have I seen that before? ;)
Red Ant - August 27, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) See above!
Johnny D - August 27, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) What Red Ant just said!
Jeff Reuben - August 30, 2006 - Report this comment
Don't See above! Because I haven't commented yet. Excellent job on a tough OS, I enjoyed it!
wannabemustangjockey - August 30, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) I could have sworn I commented on this already ... I guess not. Kudos on chorus changes every time, and many of the lines are great.
Scathe - August 30, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) That's quite a list there. Good job.
Arwen - August 31, 2006 - Report this comment
SOTM...this parody makes me FURIOUS! Mostly because it's so well written, and I've yet to be able to master the OS. And, being a gal who has more pet peeves than anyone in the WORLD...I can relate to the subject matter...
the ones guy - October 17, 2006 - Report this comment
Aw, you poor thing. Here's some 1's for you., the grossly undercooked weenah - January 25, 2007 - Report this comment
Wow, Cat. Fabulous collection of all-over-the-map irks. The fact that it rhymes and matches the meter is being taken for granted, but that's a major feat with this one. You're 16? Sheesh. When I was 16, I could barely write my name.
Cat - January 27, 2007 - Report this comment first Spaff visit! (It's better than Santa Claus!)

Thanks so much for the kind words, Spaff. But if I remember correctly, you haven't done WDSTF yet, have you?
Heather - February 22, 2007 - Report this comment
I LOVE IT! I had to do a project about 'We Didn't Start the Fire', I had to write a paragraph about everything. That's 120 paragraphs all from an annoying song. Anyways, to accept your challenge, I believe the other part of the song you didn't change was "U-2".
Matthias - March 15, 2007 - Report this comment
Again so much anger, with you and Conquerer this year was pretty angry
Rick C - March 28, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTY) See above.
Below Average Dave - March 31, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTY) Honestly Cat, this is not one of my favorite OS, I'm not the biggest hit on list parodies, but you did very well with it. . . .I really prefer "Fillings" when it comes to my favorites by you though.

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