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Song Parodies -> "For The Discerning Buyer: The Mall With It All"

Original Song Title:

"We Didn't Start The Fire"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Billy Joel

Parody Song Title:

"For The Discerning Buyer: The Mall With It All"

Parody Written by:

Kristof Robertson

The Lyrics

One thing I love about The Simpsons are the store names: Malaria Zone, Just Rainsticks, Much Ado About Muffins etc...this is my own take on it.
Ms. Revenge's Knives For Wives, B. Stinger's House Of Hives
Toys 'R' Rusty, Midget Motors, Bridalwear For Ho's

Sal Monella's Eggz Aplenty, Godfathers (for shoes cement-y)
Drown Your Tears World Of Beers, Salon Gestapo

Merkin Queen, Just Screws, B.B. King's News & Blues
Cheapskates Emporium (crappy presents for your mum)

Dahmer's Deli, Dumb Jock's, One-Leg Willy's Odd Sox
KKKampers, Fungus Funland, Bob Mugabe's Good Buys!

For the discerning buyer
All your needs are sated
Parking's validated
For the discerning buyer
If you've got good credit
Screw the rent; just geddit!

Tonya Harding Skates 'n' Things, Turnip Haven, We Sell Slings!
Sticky Knickers, Dodgy Tickers (for pre-owned clocks)

NerdZone, Cheney Guns, J-Lo Bakers: Bigger Buns!
Zsa Zsa's Bra Bar, Belushi Detox

Mad Max Mousetraps, Brokeback Mountain Hats & Chaps
Robert Downey Polygraphs, Sylvia Plath's Land o' Laughs

Viva Arkansas, Museum Of Coleslaw
Steal 'n' Save, Rent-A-Slave, Sofas For The Fat Ass

For the discerning buyer
What a mallit's smokin'
Bigger than Hoboken
For the discerning buyer
If your debts are buildin'
You could sell the children

Swanky Goth, Spittle Shack, Discount Polyester Slacks
PoopDeck® Toilet Seats, Michael Jackson's Tricks & Treats

"Leather Nun" Adult Mags, Schwarzenegger Man Bags
Fashion By Stephen Stills, NAFTA Sponsored Tex-Mex Grills

Buddy Holly Cheap Flights, Yo Honky!, Pets That Bite
Where's The Cat? Bistro, Ed's Explosive Yo-Yos

Mu Mus: Cheap & Chic, Dented Donuts, Mr. Leek
Mittens For The Smitten, Dentists Of Great Britain

Ev'rything you require
We will take pesetas
When you buy vibrators
Ev'rything you require
For old folks and minors
And we welcome Shriners

Mullet Hut, Gran Tan, Lingerie From Iran
Sleazy Cheeses, Creamz For Rare Dizeazez

Porn Films Of Armenia, All Our Jeans Are Jean-ier!
Big Grits, Dick's Bricks, Gowns For Chicks Who Date Chicks

Iced Inc., Budget Fudge, Mormon Market, E-Z Sludge
Me So Gay, Dine & Pray, Stuff We Can't Sell On eBay

For the discerning buyer
If you're passing through, sir
Buy a cut-price juicer
If you, perchance, desire
Some retail detritus
Bloomingdale's can bite us

Girth Control, Grab-Yer-Rod, Children Of A Fresher Cod
Jack Black's Thumbtacks, Spoil Your Brats, Hot Sax

Stricken Chicken, Home Of Twine, Al K. Horlick's Fine Wine
Lou's Linguine Lottery, Phnom Penh Pol Pottery

Veal Of Fortune, Urgent Urn, Reverend Raymond's Books 2 Burn
Rubber Czechs, Desks4Sex, Mace Rack, Kirk's Spa Treks

Spam-O-Rama, Awesome Spores, Gwyneth Paltrow's Pregnant Pause
That's just on the first two floors; who the f*** needs Santa Claus?

For the discerning buyer
All your needs are sated
Parking's validated
For the discerning buyer
If you've got good credit
Screw the rent; just geddit!

For the discerning buyer
Shopping can be fun
Spend a wad; go on, go on, go on

Your Vote & Comment Counts

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 LittleLots
Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 



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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.3
How Funny: 4.7
Overall Rating: 4.7

Total Votes: 33

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   2
 2
 2
 
 2   1
 0
 0
 
 3   4
 0
 0
 
 4   4
 1
 3
 
 5   22
 30
 28
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Stuart McArthur - February 23, 2006 - Report this comment
well, let me be the first, KR - how long have you been cooking this one up? no wonder we haven't seen much of you lately - brilliance goes without saying, so I'll choose a fave: "Spam-O-Rama, Awesome Spores, Gwyneth Paltrow's Pregnant Pause That's just on the first two floors; who the f*** needs Santa Claus?" - read it and weep Billy Joel - 555
Kristof Robertson - February 23, 2006 - Report this comment
Thanks Stu. This only actually took me a day and a bit to put together; I haven't been around much due to real life getting in the way. I'm off to Italy first week of March (remember what happened last time I did that? ;-)) but I hope to be back in full flow very soon. Cheers for the support, mate.
alvin rhodes - February 23, 2006 - Report this comment
this is just mind blowing...wall-to-wall-treetop-tall insanity...5s plus
John Barry - February 23, 2006 - Report this comment
Genius!
Stephen Harrington - February 23, 2006 - Report this comment
A very creative parody, and for that you get 555.
Spaff.com - February 23, 2006 - Report this comment
Wildly creative, Kristof. TMGLTM, but I'm particularly enamored with "Steal'n'Save," "Rubber Czechs," and "Iced, Inc." Also, I'm envious that you're returning to Italy.

In my time on Amiright, I don't think I've had an inordinate number of prima donna moments, but allow me one here: You've compiled, in the form of a song parody, a protracted list of wacky trade names; you've referenced spam, thumbtacks, honkies, and fun fungus; you've name-checked Jack Black, Jeffrey Dahmer, and the KKK. And you've cited as your influence for this...The Simpsons?

End of whine. 555.
AFW - February 23, 2006 - Report this comment
Fabulous framing and naming, here...looks like a lot of work, but such mastery is it's own reward..high fives
Matthias - February 23, 2006 - Report this comment
Wow! I agree if this mall was real? Who the f*** would need Santa Claus!!! Maybe you'll find a mall like this in Italy, Bon Voyage!
Ho-Moe- Jaysimpson - February 23, 2006 - Report this comment
Spaff, I see what you are saying, but imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. This might not be quite as good as your discontinued flavor parody, but it is very good in it's own right. And the Simpsons DO have the funny names for stores, so the inspiration could have come from there as well as from your parody.
Dominic L. - February 23, 2006 - Report this comment
This is very good with the pacing.. very good. Nice rhyming. Also, this look like it took a lot of time.. :O anyway, nice job. 5's.
Adagio - February 23, 2006 - Report this comment
I really enjoyed all the names! I didn't realize they had so many!! 5's
Stuart McArthur - February 23, 2006 - Report this comment
I thought he was influenced by MY list-parody of couples who snog, or MY list-parody of songs that should be unsung, or Kristof's list-parody of amirighter's secret ugly habits (among others of his), but I suppose it could have been by Spaff's list-parody...

anyway, this parody has given me an idea too, Kristof, so I'm about to be derivative too - should be more of it!
Red Ant - February 23, 2006 - Report this comment
Would it be too presumptious of me to say (SOTM) already? Maybe so given there are still 5 days left for you to out-do this. Anyways although the store names are very funny, my favorite bits were in the choruses (chori?) "If your debts are buildin'/You could sell the children" and "Some retail detritus/Bloomingdale's can bite us" were just awesome. 555.
Larry Hensley - February 24, 2006 - Report this comment
Really amazing parody, 555's
Kristof Robertson - February 24, 2006 - Report this comment
Thankyou all for your votes and comments. Point taken, Spaff....yes, your 88 flavors parody did inspire me to write this, but this parody came off the top of my head without referring back to yours. I've since gone back and read 88 flavours again, and I can see that your whine is justified. Sorry for not giving you a shout out, dude....I guess that either we find the same words or concepts funny, or that you are now starting to infiltrate people's subconscious.
Rick C - February 24, 2006 - Report this comment
I've read this a number of times, trying to find my favorite line but, they're all great! 555
Spaff.com - February 24, 2006 - Report this comment
Thanks, Kristof. Enjoy Italy. All the money you made off with in Tonbridge should allow for plenty of shopping excursions to Pol Pottery.
Chris Bodily TM - March 08, 2006 - Report this comment
I really had faith that I could find a version of this song to synch this parody to, but none of the MIDIs included the melody, and not even MTV.com would help me (the video player refuses to play the video simply beacuase the player is outdated; thank you MTV Overdrive). I'm finally finished reading the SOTM entries, and it was a tough call. I liked your play-on-words and clever lyrics, which made up for the DKTOS. I had to give you a 3 for pacing (which is good for a DKTOS parody), and 4s for how funny and overall. And I liked the line about Cheney's Guns. LOLOL And the one about Brokeback Mountain cowboy hats. Priceless.
2nz - March 08, 2006 - Report this comment
Well done. Takes a big man to pay pacing the attention it needs for this song. Mine still holds the current record for 'most time I spent on a single parody'. But anyhow, excellent writing. Especially liked the WHOLE section that goes like: "Veal Of Fortune, Urgent Urn... Rubber Czechs, Desks4Sex, Mace Rack, Kirk's Spa Treks"
Agrimorfee - March 09, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) You stole Spaff's brains for a day, didn't you? Not to say you don't have the intelligence to pull this off, but BOY DID YOU EVER! Excellent parody, with great ideas. This will probably be my 5pts.
Cat - March 09, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) HO. LY. CRAP. NESS. This is, without a doubt, one of the most perfect parodies that I've ever seen on the ite, and certainly the best that you've written. And it certainly helps that I ADORE We Didn't Start The Fire. In 7th grade geography class we once had an assignment where we wrote an extra verse to the song, and that's what sparked my love for it. 555 a million!
Matthias - March 09, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) WINNER! Enough said... Although it matches up perfectly with Spaff's, I'm still going to vote this high marks!
Peter Andersson a.k.a K1chyd - March 10, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Excellent! Brilliant!

I could go on, but I'm proceeding to a question instead (for anyone to answer). Here in Sweden it's tradition for Barber Shops and Hairdresser to have punny names like that (but in Swedish) In Real Life. Is that a tradition/custom in your countries too?
Rex - March 10, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) You and Spaff take the same brain steroids, don't you? Once again, I laughed all the way through a Kristof parody. Oh, and Peter - here in the USA many hair stylist shops have punny names, but it's not a tradition.
Max Power - March 15, 2006 - Report this comment
SOTM-Alright
Adagio - March 17, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Already voted and commented.
Stuart McArthur - March 18, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) - already commented - "Children Of A Fresher Cod" was a great get too, KR - and how did you get your face on the Billy Joel album cover up and to the right?
Dumb Ass Kid - March 18, 2006 - Report this comment
[SOTM] Took me ages to eventually find an MP3, but it was well worth it. Thoroughly enjoyed this one 555
bobpiecheese - March 24, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Kristof, you are that rare thing: an AUSSIE on this site who has managed to become well known. But this parody..OMG, are you trying to show off or something?! This is the best one yet! (Of this OS, of course...)
Red Ant - March 24, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) See above!
Phil Alexander - March 24, 2006 - Report this comment
Thought I'd commented on this one already... there are some excellent lines in this, but to be honest it doesn't have the remorseless consistency of Spaff's "88 lines..." - the "Veal of Fortune .. Santa Claus" lines were bloody marvellous, though.
Kristof Robertson - March 30, 2006 - Report this comment
Thanks for all the votes and comments, folks. Note to self: NEVER write a parody that can be in any way compared to something Spaff has written. It only ends in tears...:-)
Cat - March 30, 2006 - Report this comment
Aw Kristof, don't be sad. To be completely honest, I prefer your parody to Spaff's. I still believe Spaff copped 150 Discontinued Flavors from Jack Prelutsky's The New Kid On The Block (it contains a poem about crazy ice cream flavors as well, though admittedly not as risque as Spaff can be) so if you did swipe his idea, it was probably already secondhand (though Spaff, if my conspiracy theory turns out to be just a very eerie coincidence...PLEASE don't kill me!!!)
wannabemustangjockey - March 30, 2006 - Report this comment
SOTM - Well now, methinks thou hast been influenced by a certain 88 lines... This is a blank slate for me because it is a DKTOS case, but the store names are interesting. I might try this sort of thing with car names someday....heh, I would, wouldn't I?
Spaff.com - March 30, 2006 - Report this comment
Kristof: In this case, it's tears of laughter. And joy.
Cat: I've never heard of Jack Prelutsky, so I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask the Elite Super Squad to assassinate you. Nothing personal; it's just, you know, the rules. (The biggest inspirations for my piece would have to be David Letterman's Top 10 lists and the collected works of Kristof Robertson.)
Larry Hensley - March 31, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) See above!
Confission - March 31, 2006 - Report this comment
(sotm) cleverly excellent
Johnny D - March 31, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) KR, you're so good, it hurts! ;-)
Arwen - April 01, 2006 - Report this comment
SOTM...excellent job here, KR...not sure I can say much else. =) You've got my vote...if that counts for anything...
wannabemustangjockey - April 08, 2006 - Report this comment
My God...Spaff hasn't heard of Jack Prelutsky and I have? I feel so special...
FEBRUARY 2006 SONG OF THE MONTH - April 09, 2006 - Report this comment
First Place
http://www.inthe00s.com/index.php/topic,17754.0.html
Jeff Reuben - May 01, 2006 - Report this comment
Sorry I missed this back in Feb...absolutely brilliant!
Rick C - March 13, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTY) A tour de force of humor, K-Man! One of my favorites of yours.
Below Average Dave - March 26, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTY) Sorry--Not the best pacing I've seen by you ;) But you know you are amazing anyway
MasonR - April 06, 2007 - Report this comment
What everyone else said. Brilliant!

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