The Lyrics
Ms. Revenge's Knives For Wives, B. Stinger's House Of Hives
Toys 'R' Rusty, Midget Motors, Bridalwear For Ho's
Sal Monella's Eggz Aplenty, Godfathers (for shoes cement-y)
Drown Your Tears World Of Beers, Salon Gestapo
Merkin Queen, Just Screws, B.B. King's News & Blues
Cheapskates Emporium (crappy presents for your mum)
Dahmer's Deli, Dumb Jock's, One-Leg Willy's Odd Sox
KKKampers, Fungus Funland, Bob Mugabe's Good Buys!
For the discerning buyer
All your needs are sated
Parking's validated
For the discerning buyer
If you've got good credit
Screw the rent; just geddit!
Tonya Harding Skates 'n' Things, Turnip Haven, We Sell Slings!
Sticky Knickers, Dodgy Tickers (for pre-owned clocks)
NerdZone, Cheney Guns, J-Lo Bakers: Bigger Buns!
Zsa Zsa's Bra Bar, Belushi Detox
Mad Max Mousetraps, Brokeback Mountain Hats & Chaps
Robert Downey Polygraphs, Sylvia Plath's Land o' Laughs
Viva Arkansas, Museum Of Coleslaw
Steal 'n' Save, Rent-A-Slave, Sofas For The Fat Ass
For the discerning buyer
What a mallit's smokin'
Bigger than Hoboken
For the discerning buyer
If your debts are buildin'
You could sell the children
Swanky Goth, Spittle Shack, Discount Polyester Slacks
PoopDeck® Toilet Seats, Michael Jackson's Tricks & Treats
"Leather Nun" Adult Mags, Schwarzenegger Man Bags
Fashion By Stephen Stills, NAFTA Sponsored Tex-Mex Grills
Buddy Holly Cheap Flights, Yo Honky!, Pets That Bite
Where's The Cat? Bistro, Ed's Explosive Yo-Yos
Mu Mus: Cheap & Chic, Dented Donuts, Mr. Leek
Mittens For The Smitten, Dentists Of Great Britain
Ev'rything you require
We will take pesetas
When you buy vibrators
Ev'rything you require
For old folks and minors
And we welcome Shriners
Mullet Hut, Gran Tan, Lingerie From Iran
Sleazy Cheeses, Creamz For Rare Dizeazez
Porn Films Of Armenia, All Our Jeans Are Jean-ier!
Big Grits, Dick's Bricks, Gowns For Chicks Who Date Chicks
Iced Inc., Budget Fudge, Mormon Market, E-Z Sludge
Me So Gay, Dine & Pray, Stuff We Can't Sell On eBay
For the discerning buyer
If you're passing through, sir
Buy a cut-price juicer
If you, perchance, desire
Some retail detritus
Bloomingdale's can bite us
Girth Control, Grab-Yer-Rod, Children Of A Fresher Cod
Jack Black's Thumbtacks, Spoil Your Brats, Hot Sax
Stricken Chicken, Home Of Twine, Al K. Horlick's Fine Wine
Lou's Linguine Lottery, Phnom Penh Pol Pottery
Veal Of Fortune, Urgent Urn, Reverend Raymond's Books 2 Burn
Rubber Czechs, Desks4Sex, Mace Rack, Kirk's Spa Treks
Spam-O-Rama, Awesome Spores, Gwyneth Paltrow's Pregnant Pause
That's just on the first two floors; who the f*** needs Santa Claus?
For the discerning buyer
All your needs are sated
Parking's validated
For the discerning buyer
If you've got good credit
Screw the rent; just geddit!
For the discerning buyer
Shopping can be fun
Spend a wad; go on, go on, go on