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Song Parodies -> "The Longest Line"

Original Song Title:

"The Longest Time"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Billy Joel

Parody Song Title:

"The Longest Line"

Parody Written by:

Michael Pacholek

The Lyrics

This title has been done twice before. You know what? I don't care!
Oy-yi-yi-yi
(it's the longest)
It's the longest line!
Oy-yi-yi
(it's the longest)
It's the longest...

If I run out of ice cream tonight
(Woo-oo...)
I will have to go out to Shop-Rite.
(Ah ah ah...)
What else can I do?
(Ah ah...)
this problem makes me so blue:
(Ah ah...)
I always end up on the longest line!

Once people read, "12 Items Or Less."
(Woo-oo...)
Now my ice cream's melting, what a mess.
(Ah ah ah...)
It's squishy, not hard.
(Ah ah...)
Why does she pay with debit card?
She's holding us here in the longest line!

Oy-yi-yi-yi
(it's the longest)
It's the longest line!
Oy-yi-yi
(it's the longest)
It's the longest...

I'm that guy who says you've got some gall.
(Woo-oo)
And the greatest miracle of all
(Ah ah ah...)
I don't break your neck
(Ah ah...)
when you try to pay by check
(Ah ah...)
which sticks us all here in the longest line!

Maybe this time it won't be long.
I get to Express.
Again, I am wrong.
Maybe I've been hoping too hard
but I've come this far
to this store that I hoped for.

Who knows how much longer this will take?
(Woo-oo...)
Faster, Denny's will serve you a steak!
(Ha ha ha!)
I took my chances
(Ah ah...)
on people with slowpoke stances
(Ah ah...)
and now I'm stuck here on the longest line!

I had sickened thoughts at the start
I said to myself
"Hold onto your cart."
Now I know:
Instead, go to Pathmark.
They're smarter there by far
I'll get more than I paid for!

I don't care what consequence it brings!
(Woo-oo...)
I'll get on line for more than 12 things!
(Ah ah ah...)
This isn't so bad!
(Ah ah...)
Even though it's not Express
(Ah ah...)
I will not be here for the longest time!

Oy-yi-yi-yi
(it's the longest)
It's the longest line!
Oy-yi-yi
(it's the longest)
It's the longest line!
Oy-yi-yi
(it's the longest)
It's the longest line!
Oy-yi-yi
(it's the longest)
It's the longest line!
(Repeat 'til fade...
or until that moron figures out
how to work the debit-card reader!)
Support your local cashier: Raise the minimum wage! 'Cause you can't raise the IQ of some of their customers!

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.6
How Funny: 4.5
Overall Rating: 4.6

Total Votes: 11

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 1
 1
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   0
 0
 0
 
 4   0
 1
 0
 
 5   10
 9
 10
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

malcolm higgins - February 19, 2006 - Report this comment
5-5-5 from me. this was worth the wait
Red Ant - February 20, 2006 - Report this comment
Great job with the pacing/rhyming and very funny. 555 items or less. PS- What is "Pathmark"?
MasonR - February 20, 2006 - Report this comment
Michael--nicely done--I especially like the "I had sickened thoughts..." verse. Red Ant--here in Central NJ, Pathmark is a supermarket that always has long lines (at least when I've shopped there.
John Jenkins - February 20, 2006 - Report this comment
Very good parody, but questionable comments at the end. Where I live, grocery cashiers' earnings are well over the minimum wage. And if you just target their wages, that will just increase the price of groceries.
Arwen - February 20, 2006 - Report this comment
I never have cash. Never. Because when I have cash, it's gone before I know what even happened to it. I have a little problem with spending, I'm afraid...=)

So, YES, I am the debit/credit/check girl in front of you Mr. Pacholek. You can't honestly have that much contempt for me, can you? Just stop complaining and enjoy the view...and then we can both go back to your place to enjoy the ice cream...=)
Michael Pacholek - February 20, 2006 - Report this comment
OK, Arwen likes ice cream, and yet still has (her words, I'm just agreeing with 'em) a smokin' bod... but she holds up express lines at the supermarket... decisions, decisions... gotta be practical about this... by the time I figure this out, I may be at the front of the line, and that checkout girl is... don't even think it, Mike, she's, like, gotta be only 16...
alvin rhodes - February 20, 2006 - Report this comment
amusing ditty about an unamusing aggravation
AFW - February 20, 2006 - Report this comment
Lot of good lines here, and not too long..5's
Johnny D - February 20, 2006 - Report this comment
That's great, Michael, I liked it.
Tim Hall - February 23, 2006 - Report this comment
After seeing the parody title, I thought it was a commentary about life in the former Soviet Union.
Peregrin - June 23, 2008 - Report this comment
I found this by clicking on the 'random' button. Funny write, so true, Pach.

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