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Song Parodies -> "Tell Her About It (things you shouldn't keep from"

Original Song Title:

"Tell Her About It"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Billy Joel

Parody Song Title:

"Tell Her About It (things you shouldn't keep from"

Parody Written by:

Arwen

The Lyrics

I realize that we all have secrets...but there are some things that your girlfriends NEED to know, Gentlemen...
Listen boy I don't want to tell you
What you should and shouldn't say
But there is no sense keeping
Valid informa-tion from your lovely maid
When a real nice girl says she's got a crush on you
Fill her in if that's your high speed chase on the news

Listen boy I know that you want
To keep it all on the down low
But she ought to hear it straight from you
If you have sold Satan your soul
If you're "Big Boy Chow" in a Chinese burlesque show
Well, that's just the kind of thing she ought to know

Tell her about it
If you don't then you're a heel
You taped every season
And dress like Ally McBeal
Tell her about it
Do you re-fry Krispy Kremes?
Tell her when you feed her
That she'll need expanding seams

Listen boy, you might think
That it'll make your life a bit shaky
She deserves to know
If you've been livin' with a secret identity
If you love someone, and say your love is pure
She should know that itchy rash has got no cure

Tell her about it
On the off chance that she'd care
When she can't be with you
Say you wear her underwear
Tell her about it
If you love a guy named Steve
Give a little mention
If in witchcraft you believe

'Cause now and then, she'll get to wondering
Why your phone calls to Columbia are so long
And if you've gotten offed by a drug ring
She could use that information when you're gone

Listen boy, it's communication
'Cause we all have made mistakes
She should hear from you if there's one or two
Of your old girlfriends in a lake
If you broke a bowl, hide it with super glue
But don't hide the fact that you were once "Mary Lou"

Tell her about it
All your groupie days for Seal
Arrested for treason?
Or if cars you like to steal
Tell her about it
No matter how hard it seems
Doing laundry with her
Tell her that's blood on your jeans

Tell her about it
Secret spy trips to Moscow
Tell her about it
To keep it from her would be wrong
You got to tell her about it
With the Mafia you belong
You got to tell her about it
You bought Jacko's estate
You got to tell her about it
Before she's reached the pearly gates
You got to tell her about it

(repeat to fade)

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.9
How Funny: 4.8
Overall Rating: 4.8

Total Votes: 27

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 1
 0
 
 2   0
 0
 1
 
 3   1
 0
 1
 
 4   2
 1
 1
 
 5   24
 25
 24
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Jeff Reuben - June 15, 2005 - Report this comment
Excellent. Guess it's time to fess up on the Spice Girls Halloween act =) Loved the "If you broke a bowl, hide it with super glue But don't hide the fact that you were once "Mary Lou" line.
Leon James - June 15, 2005 - Report this comment
This is great! One or two girlfriends in a lake? Where have you been meeting these guys, Arwen? The U.S. Senate? Love it.

[snark]But though the Ivy League has its share of druggies, I think you meant Colombia.[/snark]
alvin rhodes - June 15, 2005 - Report this comment
here's some fives...i gotta split...i've got some confessin' to do
Arwen - June 15, 2005 - Report this comment
Jeff...hee! I'm sure that you at least feel better now that the truth is out. But don't just tell me..tell your wife. And I hope you have pictures, for your daughter to enjoy one day. Thanks...=)

Mr. James...I'm glad you love it. I really am...

...BUT DAMMIT ALL TO HELL!! I can't believe I typed that. I COULD throw out a half assed claim to've meant Columbia Records...because we all know that everyone in the music business is a cokehead...but in the spirit of telling the truth, as my parody advises, I must say that I just didn't proofread well enough. I am SUCH a loser.

alvin...=) Get busy, mister...Thanks!!
John Barry - June 15, 2005 - Report this comment
I like the way it builds to a 555 crescendo.
Ashkicksass - June 15, 2005 - Report this comment
Brilliant! Freakity frackin BRILLIANT, I'm tellin' you!!
Kristof Robertson - June 15, 2005 - Report this comment
"If you're "Big Boy Chow" in a Chinese burlesque show"....lines just don't come much better than this! A Huuuuggge 555...
Meriadoc - June 15, 2005 - Report this comment
Ah Arwen, you know your boyfriend really loves you when he wears your panties... my favorite part... ;-)
Red Ant - June 15, 2005 - Report this comment
Excellent Arwen. I was attempting to tell my girlfriend about my Seal groupie days and my crossdressing, etc., when a cop pulled us over in the car I stole to smuggle cocaine.=)
Patrick Yoness - June 15, 2005 - Report this comment
Nice, I liked the way you turned the original song on it's ear!
Dee Range - June 15, 2005 - Report this comment
You caught me on the Krispy Kremes :-)). 555
Arwen - June 16, 2005 - Report this comment
John...thanks very much!

Ashkicker...there really aren't many things that can make me smile like the use of the phrase, "Freakity frackin BRILLIANT." =) Thanks!

Kristof...you have to know that I loved that line...=) Glad to know you did, too...=)

Merry...um...well, whether or not it means he loves me...it certainly means that he creeps me out...hehehe. Thanks!

Red Ant...Excellent comment, sir. LOL!

Patrick...thank you!

Dee...you know, I'd be lying if I didn't admit that I thought of you when I wrote that line...; ) Thanks!
Rick C - June 16, 2005 - Report this comment
Arwen, this is just FABulous! Too many good lines to pick from. 555
Arwen - June 16, 2005 - Report this comment
Thanks, Rick! Great adjective, by the way...=)
Stuart McArthur - June 16, 2005 - Report this comment
Ha! brilliant stuff - and I would've missed it if I hadn't been directed here by Kristof's follow-up - haven't read the perevious comments yet but I'm tipping "Big Boy Chow" would've got a few mentions - there's that detail thing of yours happening again, Arwen - 555
Serafina - June 16, 2005 - Report this comment
Arwen!!!!! What's up? Seems like it's been a while since I last commented on one of your parodies and/or saw a new one. It's always nice to read them. ;) Anyway, I haven't heard the original song in ages, but I will vote 5-5-5 like I always do because it's wonderful. :)
Peter Andersson - June 16, 2005 - Report this comment
So, if you meet the perfect guy, who has nothing to hide and nothing to tell, then you will dump him, because you will assume he is holding out on you?

Personally, I like to say that my secret is that I'm allergic to dust, so unless she cleans the house 3 times a day we can't be together. :-)
Arwen - June 17, 2005 - Report this comment
Stuart...thanks very much. I'm glad Kristof's parody sent you this way.

Serafina...it seems like it had been forever since I submitted a parody...but I guess it hasn't been that long. =) Thanks, as always, for your kind words.

K1...I have dated enough losers that I probably SHOULD be cynical and jaded...but alas, my trusting nature always wins out, and I am very easily swept off my feet. So...I'm definitely not going to dump the perfect man when he comes along...but I'd still like to know his history in Chinese burlesque theater...=)

Aaaaaand...I hate to ruin the unblemished image that you must have of me...but you might have to delete your "Arwen is the perfect woman" parody from the other day if the perfect woman is cleaning house 3 times a day...; )
Michael Pacholek - June 17, 2005 - Report this comment
Where to begin... Well, for starters, my first crush was on Valerie Bertinelli... can I get more embarrassing? Oh hell yes. I rooted for the Red Sox in the 1986 World Series. They were playing the Mets, so I had no choice! Secret identities? Well, Bob Woodward knows me as "Stuffy Nose"... And for about a two months in the fall of 2001, I trusted George W. Bush. I'm so ashamed! And I think Vin Diesel and Orlando Bloom would be great. Together. But you already knew I felt that way. Merry: Did we really need to know you felt that way? And does that create more questions than it answers?
Arwen - June 17, 2005 - Report this comment
Michael...in spite of the fact that I'm not speaking to you (see the ebay parody, mister) I will address your comments here.

Funnily enough, when I was a youngster, watching "One Day at a Time," I used to pretend that I WAS Valerie Bertinelli...(and I was totally stoked when she married eddie) so really, it's not something to be ashamed of. You were just preparing yourself for your future crush on me...=)

Still...I would probably be more willing to forgive the whole cheering for the Red Sox bit...IF YOU HADN'T IMPLIED ON MR. BARRY'S PARODY THAT MY FASHION SENSE IS ANYTHING BUT FABULOUS!
Steven Cavanagh - June 27, 2005 - Report this comment
Nice to finally get a mention in one of your parodies, Arwen, but I'll have you know I'm straight.
Arwen - June 28, 2005 - Report this comment
Steve...ah...must've been a different Steve then...; ) Thanks!
2nz - November 30, 2005 - Report this comment
Alright... you first. Missed this when it first came out so I'm glad you brought it 'round again. TMGLTM but I'll still mention this one:
"She should hear from you if there's one or two
Of your old girlfriends in a lake"
Agrimorfee - December 13, 2005 - Report this comment
(ABC) The truth is, I liked this a lot! 555
Adagio - December 13, 2005 - Report this comment
Good advice, good parody.
stuart mcarthur - December 13, 2005 - Report this comment
(T) LMAO - that truly is a comic gem, Arwen - almost twice the number of funny lines as I would have expected - and this is from someone who under NO circumstances plans to reveal to anyone that I was once Mary Lou - and extra kudos for just the funniness of the idea in the first place
Red Ant - December 13, 2005 - Report this comment
(ABCT05) See above, still excellent (as always) but under NO circumstances should you tell her about how a song she loves is boring. I've heard that can lead to disaster. TMGLTM as well.
Josh 2 - December 14, 2005 - Report this comment
ABC: Sorry but i DKTOS. cant vote
Matthias - December 14, 2005 - Report this comment
ABC: Okay! I'm a transvestite, republican, child molester, with the job as a hitman! Happy Now!!! 5's!!!!!!
tomario - December 16, 2005 - Report this comment
i thought i,d check up on the MASTER and iwasn,t disappointed top banana parody. must go i,ve got some krispy kremes to fry !
Rick C - December 17, 2005 - Report this comment
(ABC05) Even more great lines to pick from the second time around. Still FABulous, Arwen. I LOVE this one. :-)
Scathe - December 18, 2005 - Report this comment
(T) Very original.
Kristof Robertson - December 18, 2005 - Report this comment
(ABC) You MUST know already what I think about this one. ;-)
Johnny D - December 21, 2005 - Report this comment
(ABC) Fabulous --- keeps the original song's overall idea yet twists it to your own nefarious parody-devices!
Dee Range - December 24, 2005 - Report this comment
(T) See above. Still great!
Jeff Reuben - December 26, 2005 - Report this comment
Still great! See above
2nz - December 26, 2005 - Report this comment
I second what I said earlier, and I enjoyed the line about girlfriends in the lake even more second time around.
Larry - December 27, 2005 - Report this comment
T- Really funny.
Spaff.com - December 28, 2005 - Report this comment
Dear Arwen,

There's something I've been meaning to tell you.

I sold Satan YOUR soul.

xoxox
Spaff
AKA Mary Lou
AKA Big Boy Chow
Wendy Christopher - December 01, 2007 - Report this comment
Nicely done, Arwen! I too believe that men should be honest about these things (especially if he's 'big Boy Chow'.... well, it's gotta be more entertaining than another episode of Eastenders, hasn't it..?)

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