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Song Parodies -> "My Dates Are Slight"

Original Song Title:

"You May Be Right"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Billy Joel

Parody Song Title:

"My Dates Are Slight"

Parody Written by:

Kristof Robertson

The Lyrics

Ever dated a supermodel? Well..neither have I, but I imagine this is what it would be like....
Thursday I was out with Heidi
Went to lunch with Elle on Fri-dee
Haven't had a decent meal all week
All this models, statuesque
But to eat ain't worth the risk
So I end up going home horny and weak
I was stranded in a fat-free zone
With my Calista Flockhart clone
Now I'm thinking that I'd rather have Roseanne
Coz although she's really fine
She is barely 5 stone 9
And she's spending far too much time in the can...

My dates are slight
Coked-up and crazy
Why are they the kind of women I keep going for?
I'm rich, alright..
But fat and lazy
Give me a break, I want a steak, not a date that's slight!

Remember how she used to be
A gorgeous, full-bodied Chablis
But now she's kinda "Diet Coke", I fear
Coz Elite came calling 'round
And said "lose a coupla pounds,
Your humungous ass is ruining your career"
Well it's no wonder she's neurotic
Everything's macrobiotic
Calories get flushed down toilet bowl
And she used to dance for dough
But the clubs now all say no
Coz she's frequently mistaken for the pole!

My dates are slight
Coked-up and crazy
Why are they the kind of women I keep going for?
She's up all night
Starting to faze me
Chemical highs instead of fries keep my dates so slight..

Their legs are long but they're really slight.. (repeat)

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 13

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 0
 0
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   0
 0
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 4   0
 0
 0
 
 5   13
 13
 13
 

User Comments

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Kristof Robertson - October 07, 2004 - Report this comment
Oh-oh, found a typo...in line 4 "this" is supposed to be "these"..oops!
Arwen - October 07, 2004 - Report this comment
Priceless, Kristof! And to answer your question...I don't know that Vin Diesel ever did any modeling...but I've been dating him for a while...as my photo on the photo thread indicates. 5s!
John Barry - October 07, 2004 - Report this comment
Phat. Phunny. Phives.
Stuart McArthur - October 07, 2004 - Report this comment
hilarious - I think I've dated your Calista Flockhart clone myself - hard to remember her face as it was always in "the can" - 555
Ingeborg S. Nordén - October 07, 2004 - Report this comment
Pacing was decently done, and the humor was a bit on the tragicomic side--though I guess that can't be helped, when you're writing about eating disorders. Fives all round!
Dee Range - October 07, 2004 - Report this comment
Tremendous, Kristor High friew...er, fives
Ashkicksass - October 07, 2004 - Report this comment
Loved it!
Airfarcewon - October 07, 2004 - Report this comment
Funny stuff....loved that line, "Mistaken for the pole"
Agrimorfee - October 07, 2004 - Report this comment
By sheer coincidence: 'Piano Man' Billy Joel Weds 23-Year-Old CENTRE ISLAND, N.Y. (AP) - Singer-songwriter Billy Joel married his fiance, 23-year-old Kate Lee, in a ceremony Saturday at his Long Island mansion, his record label said. Joel, 55, wed Lee in a sunset wedding at his waterfront home, Newsday reported in its online editions. Columbia Records, Joel's label, announced the marriage Saturday night. A spokeswoman for Joel could not immediately be reached for comment. Joel, who was previously married twice, including to supermodel Christie Brinkley, has had more than two dozen Top 10 hits... Lee, a native of Huntington, W.Va., recently graduated from Ohio's Miami University and works as a restaurant correspondent for the PBS show ``George Hirsch: Living It Up!'' She and Joel began dating last year, according to Newsday.
Billy Florio - October 07, 2004 - Report this comment
Shoot Kristof, I think you and Arwen have to share song of the day honors...amazing job
Michael Pacholek - October 07, 2004 - Report this comment
Here's the skinny, Kristof: You get a big fat five. "Mistaken for the pole"? Absolutely priceless! Arwen: Vin Diesel? Please, you can do so much better. What's the deal, either your dates have no hair or absolutely covered by it (Middle Earthers)?
Arwen - October 07, 2004 - Report this comment
Oh Michael Pacholek...now I'm blushing! You're so cute! I've told you before about my secret fantasies of a mysterious left winger from Jersey...but...to no avail. ; )

Thanks for making me smile...=)
Kristof Robertson - October 07, 2004 - Report this comment
Hey..thanks y'all! Arwen-dump the cueball :-)....John-phanks!...Stuart-You poor sod!...Ingeborg-Alot of my stuff is tragicomic, just like me!....Dee- tdankyoa! (?):-)...Ash- Cheers, honey!...Air4s1- Glad ya liked it!...Agrimorfee- thanks for the news flash!...Billy- Arwen and I are not good at sharing :-)(she can have it, hers is much better)...Mike- She loves you, yeah yeah yeah!! Once again, cheers all you lovely people!
alvin rhodes - October 07, 2004 - Report this comment
this is an example of a flat out perfect parody...bravo !
Arwen - October 07, 2004 - Report this comment
Oh stop! I know how to share. I've even done it a couple of times. Hmph. (pouting now...)
Michael Pacholek - October 08, 2004 - Report this comment
Hate to tell you this, Arwen, but your fantasies for Governor Jim McGreevey will have to remain unrequited. Though he did just sign a bill outlawing prostitution. Wait, that's not what no more "pay to play" means?
Arwen - October 09, 2004 - Report this comment
Nerd...

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