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Song Parodies -> "Be Our Guest"

Original Song Title:

"Be Our Guest"

Parody Song Title:

"Be Our Guest"

Parody Written by:

Phil Alexander

The Lyrics

A slightly more subdued version than was originally at whatfreaks... but I'd still like to make the video :-)
Mon cher monsier, it is with deepest pride and greatest pleasure
that we welcome you tonight. And now, we invite you to relax,
let us pull back the sheet as the best brothel in Paris proudly
presents... your pleasure

Be our guest. Be our guest
Put our service to the test
Drop your trousers round your knees cheri
And we provide the rest
Comme toujours, be a perve
Why we only live to serve
All our girls they are delicious
If a little avaricious
Loose your shirt, drop your pants
After all, this is France
And the service here is never second best
And we all like men who'll
Pay up front and then who'll
Be our guest, oui our guest, Be our guest.

Soixante neuf, pompier
Quel frottage and more foreplay
We'll present an indecent and somewhat graphic live display
From the back, from the front
Either way a cunning stunt
No one's flaccid or complaining
While these girls are entertaining
They perform and do tricks
With "juggling" balls and candlesticks
And it's all in perfect taste as you can bet
Come on this man wants fun, he
Has paid up his money
to be our guest
If you're stressed, it's best bonking we suggest
Be our guest! Be our guest! Be our guest!

Life's no more than cooking
For a hooker, who's not hooking
A disgrace without a face to sit upon
Ah, those good old days when we were legal
Suddenly, those good old days have gone
Ten years you've been lusting
In a manner so disgusting
Needing exercise, a chance to use your skills
Most days you just stood outside the brothel
Getting in a lather
You walked in for hows-your-father

It's a guest! It's a guest!
Sacré bleu I am still dressed
Cheque's been cashed and money flashed
And that's the bit that I like best
With a girl - two or three
And my dear that's fine with me
With spermatozoa streaming
I'll be moaning, I'll be screaming
I'll get warm, piping hot
As you tickle my g-spot
With technique that leaves the company impressed
What do you want to do
Is it one hump or two
For you our guest He's our guest!
He's our guest! Be our guest!

Be our guest! Be our guest!
Quickly, quickly get undressed
It's ten years since you've had anyone down here
And you're obsessed
Take your dope, take your ease
Any other drugs that please
While the candlelight's still glowing
Maybe something down there's growing

Coarse, of course, one by one
Till you shout "Enough, I'm done"
And we'll strike a match to light your cigarette
So come on, won't you spend a day
Getting your end away
Our guest! Be our guest! Be our guest!
Please be our guest!

Your Vote & Comment Counts

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 

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Voting Results

Pacing: 3.1
How Funny: 3.3
Overall Rating: 3.2

Total Votes: 27

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   11
 2   0
 3   2
 4   3
 5   11

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Peregrin - November 12, 2003 - Report this comment
Phil, you are one of a kind!
Rick D - November 12, 2003 - Report this comment
This was plenty naughty, but I'm still laughing at "Pee Our Test".
Melhi - November 12, 2003 - Report this comment
Gee Phil, I had really enjoyed this (and, fortunately for you, had already left my ratings on the dresser.) Then I scrolled down to tell you so and read that you got the decade wrong -- I'm sorry, Phil, that just ruined the whole parody for me... stripped it of its humor, threw its pacing down and pounded the overall merit out of it. ;)
Billy Florio - November 12, 2003 - Report this comment
Phil, I didnt think that it would be possible to clean up the Whatfreaks version of this song enough to put it here, and make it still good.....YOu did it though (though there was a verse there that I think was weak, but w/e)...great job...5-5-5
Phil Alexander - November 12, 2003 - Report this comment
Billy, I think Chucky's let so many of Malcolms through, he couldn't really say no...
Diva - November 12, 2003 - Report this comment
LOL! I'll never think of "Beauty and the Beast" the same way again.
Mr X - November 12, 2003 - Report this comment
It was so-so. I'll give 4 for pacing, 3 for funny and 3 for overall.
Claude Prez - November 13, 2003 - Report this comment
"One hump or two" heh heh; glad you brought this over; still fun as ever.
Phil Alexander - November 14, 2003 - Report this comment
Thank you... Mr X, either you forgot to hit the "Place your vote" button, or you missed the smiley off the end - ain't no threes there.. :-)

Melhi - that comment did make me laugh... though I notice now those decade comments have, er, decayed... Never mind, but seeing as my comment's gone with it, I'll reiterate that I think that "Pee Our Test" is a better parody of this song overall, but I think this one would make for a better video :-)
Melhi - November 14, 2003 - Report this comment
Phil, yep, now I look like the nitpicky no-lifer. That's what I get for being a smart-ascii. Your mention of a video, for this particular parody, immediately brought to mind a scene/line from an episode of The Young Ones, "Bambi, did you make a video nasty?" :D
Mr X - November 14, 2003 - Report this comment
You're right Phil, I did forget to press it, didn't I? Oh well, I pressed it now, so there is a three for how funny and a three for overall.
Wild Man - November 15, 2003 - Report this comment
A fun read , nice work.
Phil Alexander - November 17, 2003 - Report this comment
Well, Mr X, please accept my sympathy: it can't be fun going through life with no sense of rhythm and no sense of humour either...
a decade cop - April 15, 2004 - Report this comment
The original came out in the 90s. But I did like the parody, so I'm going to give it 4-4-5.
Leo Jay - August 02, 2004 - Report this comment
Funny as hell.
Vincent - August 04, 2010 - Report this comment
All right mon
TJC - March 14, 2016 - Report this comment
12 years later----still the high wadder mark---awesome!
Phil Alexander - March 15, 2016 - Report this comment
:-) It's nice to come ba.. er, I mean.. revisit this one. Still haven't made the video, though.

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