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Song Parodies -> "H-M-O(y)-Vay"

Original Song Title:

"Y.M.C.A"

Original Performer:

Village People

Parody Song Title:

"H-M-O(y)-Vay"

Parody Written by:

Tommy Turtle

The Lyrics

Inspired by TJC's HMO parody that is (presumably) also here today, which he kindly let me preview. I offered this idea to him for a follow-up or collaboration, but he said, "Nah, let's just double-nail the HMOs on the same day". So we're cooperating, not competing.
Sick man, got a stone in your gall?
I said, Sick man, got a lump on your ball?
I said, Sick man, cannot walk, cannot crawl?
There's a place for treatment crappy!

Sick man, there's a place you must go
'Cause your Boss-man's awful tight with his dough
You can go there, and I'm sure you will find
Enema slammed in your behind

It's dangerous at the H-M-Oy-Vay
The walls are oozing pus: H-M-Go-Pray

You can wait for eight weeks while your HMO seeks
Some excuse to ignore your shrieks!

It's dangerous at the H-M-Oy-Vay
They even broke my truss: H-M-Go-'Way

You can get yourself reamed, have a three-day-old meal
Not a thing they actu'lly heal

Young man, does it hurt when you pee?
I said, Young man, got a case of VD?
I said, Young man, meet the girl of your dreams?
Pick her up, and pick up something?

Young man, shoulda' done it yourself
I said, Young man, shouldn'a' messed with that elf
So just go there, to the HMO, quick!
They will cure you with ar-sen-ic! [1]

No matter how you fuss: H-M-O! Hey!
You'll nought but scream and cuss: H-M-De-Lay!

They have everything except that which you need
They will sit there and watch you bleed

It's deadly there at the H-M-A-Stray!
Substandard care among mass disarray

Got a heart attack, guy? Take two aspirin. Good-bye!
It costs us much less if you die!

Sick man, I was once sick like you
I said, Sick man, I walked in with the flu
Saw some dick-man; said with luck, I'd survive
Comatose; I'm barely a-live!

That's 'cause HR* memoed to me
And said, "Sick man, we've a budget to meet"
"We've a place here called the HMO, see?
"They can treat you very cheaply"

It's dangerous at the H-M-O-Fray
Abstemious 'cause they don't want to pay

There's one Philippine nurse, who no English can speak
She will see you some time next week

H-M-Dis-May
You'll wish that you had died yesterday

Sick man, sick man, there's no need to feel down
You're in - good hands: Dr. Bozo The Clown!

HMOs say:
"It's all just in your - head; Treatment? Nay!

Not much - longer - must you still wait around
Trust me -- soon now, you'll be laid in the ground

H-M-O-Slay
Please wait your turn! (Your hair turns gray)

Sick man, sick man, are you listening to me?
Sick man? ... Oh no... one more fa-tality!



[1] The first antibiotic treatment for syphillis was Salvarsan, invented in 1908, whose main ingredient was the poison, arsenic.

*HR, for the non-corporate-slaves: Human Resources, which is Orwellian Newspeak for what used to be just the Personnel Department.
© 2009 Tommy Turtle. All rights reserved. E-mail: tomm...@yahoo.com

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.8
How Funny: 4.8
Overall Rating: 4.8

Total Votes: 10

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

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 2   0
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 3   1
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 4   0
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 5   9
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User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

TJC - February 19, 2009 - Report this comment
This parody is ill... I mean 'sick', man! Great job on a long OS with TMGL... and (this is the amazing part to me) I happen to know for a fact (*checks stopwatch*) that TT concocted this in about an hour! Heck, it takes me longer than that to empty my bladder... Kudos to your ill-n'-sick, massively parallelishly-processing parody producin' mind!
Patrick - February 19, 2009 - Report this comment
Wonderful adaptation of the original. Better song in my opinion. And a prophecy of things to come when Obama gets through taking over the banks, the auto industry, everybody's guns, and sets his sights on health care.
AFW - February 19, 2009 - Report this comment
Fine job on healthcare spoofing
2Eagle - February 19, 2009 - Report this comment
You mean they forgot the Lipitor???
Arwen - February 19, 2009 - Report this comment
"I said, Young man, shouldn'a' messed with that elf"

I feel a defamation suit coming on...; )
Tommy Turtle - February 19, 2009 - Report this comment
TJC: Thanks again for the inspiration for this fun write, and for the v/c.
Patrick: He'll pry my gun from my cold, dead flippers, but agree with your analysis. Thanks for v/c.
AFW: thanks.
2Eagle: That costs money, dude! Aspirin is much cheaper :) Thanks for lol v/c, 2E.

Arwen: OMG, I *never* thought you'd see this! But you'll note that *just in case* ya did, I very carefully used a lower-case "e" in "elf", meaning generically any petite person (or a mythical being), rather than a capital "Elf" which might indeed be someone's name or nickname. So sure, have yer lawyer call me; ya ain't got a leg ta stand on! Mwa ha ha ha!

Seriously, Arwen, if you did see this and *chose* to take it as a personal reference, I hoped you'd appreciate the plug in the strictly-humorous context:) :) :) (note: the key word there was "chose"!)

And even more seriously, thanks for stopping by, reading, and v/c. No hard feelings, I hope?
John Jenkins - February 19, 2009 - Report this comment
Excellent spoof, TT. Very good job of varying the H-M--- lines. Of course, as imperfect as HMOs are, they are still a lot more user friendly and effective than nationalized health care.
alvin - February 19, 2009 - Report this comment
hurt myself laughing....sooooooooo much better than the OS and so much harder to spell out the title with your body as well
Tommy Turtle - February 20, 2009 - Report this comment
John Jenkins, thanks... let's hope it doesn't go there.
alvin: i wouldn't suggest going to an hmo for your laughter-induced injuries, nor for those caused by trying to spell out the title :) thanks alvin (lol)
Stuart McArthur - February 20, 2009 - Report this comment
love your work TT - and dammit you beat me getting abstemious into a parody - 555
Tommy Turtle - February 20, 2009 - Report this comment
Stuart McArthur: Thanks, and ya shudda seen the list of words that were considered and rejected -- plenty of room still! Sorry about that, mate. :) thanks for v/c, Stu, and glad ta see ya got yer keyboard fixed :) :) :)
Jenikate Hudson - February 21, 2009 - Report this comment
These couplets of yours... stacked n' packed n' marvelously displayed!
Tommy Turtle - February 22, 2009 - Report this comment
Jenikate Hudson: Back at ya! thanks for v/c!
Mark Scotti - February 24, 2009 - Report this comment
I'm ill from laughing!! Fantastic job and a huge improvement on the song, Tommy T!!!!!!!!!!
Tommy Turtle - February 24, 2009 - Report this comment
Mark Scotti: Thanks much, and as per my advice to alvin, don't go to an HMO for your LTD (Laughter-Torn Disease). .... thanks for v/c, Mark!

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