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Song Parodies -> "F.L.D.S."

Original Song Title:


Original Performer:

Village People

Parody Song Title:


Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

The FLDS, that pseudo-Mormon sect whose compound was so recently raided by Texas Rangers and found to have > 400 kids, many by middle-school age mothers, is mounting a new recruiting campaign, as sung here by uber-prophet, Warren Jeffs... ~ YouTube link to Village People's 1970's music video ~ .
Young ma’am – welcome to our retreat
I said, young ma’am – hope you’ve *lots* of gametes
I said, young ma’am – like our one-bedroom suite?
It’s a hundred sixty acres!

Young ma’am – make like Donny’s Marie
And suc-cumb, ma’am – to The Patriarchy
Then keep mum, ma’am – ‘bout our baby fac’try…
We’re just hor-ny Mor-my ‘Shakers’!

[ Hump! Hump! Hump! Hump! Hump! ]

It’s fun to stay at the – F-L-D-S
‘Cause, hon, they comp us at – Bonnet Express™
Our last diaphragm ‘popped’—
We’ve got four hundred kids—
And we’re flippin’ our frickin’ LiDS!

It’s fun to stay at the – F-L-D-S
It’s fun to mate with the – Klones of Koresh
Sure, we marry ‘em young
But we checked our ‘Good Book’
It says, “Pre-teens go forth and schtupp!”

Say ma’am – so, you *just* joined our clan?
Then to-day, ma’am – you wed Uber-Ward Zahn
Then ‘roll hay’, ma’am – after Peg, Paige and Pam
And indulge in sloppy sevenths!

So, ma’am – oven’s loaded with ‘buns’
All white ‘dough’, ma’am – ‘cause like Mel’s Ar-yee-uns
We’re ‘Jim Crow’, ma’am – when it comes to our sons
(But still dig Be-yon-ce’s thrustings!)

[ Pump! Pump! Pump! Pump! Pump! ]

It’s fun to stay at the – F-L-D-S
It’s fun to ‘prey’ at the – F-L-D-S
Thumb your nose at ol’ Mitt
Fun n’ Prophets abound
In our Waco-licious compound!

It’s fun to stay at the – F-L-D-S
But hon, don’t nay the Ward’s – ‘X-L caress’
Or he’ll kick your butt out—
Scientologists swoop…
Then it’s Xenu and Cruise you’ll schtupp!!



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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.8
How Funny: 4.8
Overall Rating: 4.8

Total Votes: 16

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   15

User Comments

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AFW - May 06, 2008 - Report this comment
Super idea, TJ- brimming over with notch high, Waco-licious
McKludge - May 06, 2008 - Report this comment
Yep, sure is fun to pick on the fringe religions. One minor issue, the way you spelled out "Ar-yee-uns." Aryan is pronounced "air-ee-an" But you make up for that with rhymes like Marie/Patriarchy/fact'ry.
alvin - May 06, 2008 - Report this comment
hilarious...especially liked 'gametes', LiDS and sloppy sevenths....great job on this
Invisible Boy - May 06, 2008 - Report this comment
Thank goodness someone thought of this. Great idea. To single out lines that I loved, I would literally have to quote the whole song.
I'm glad you are back here writing again. I've checked out your page and now realize that you've been here for a long time, although you've only recently come back. I can see from this write, and from your past posts, that you've got impressive *chops*
Ann Hammond - May 06, 2008 - Report this comment
he he
TJC - May 06, 2008 - Report this comment
Big thank-yous to AFW, McKludge, Alvin and Ann. Invisible Boy-- really appreciate your taking the time to look my page over (Eww! That sounded unintentionally Foley-esque...) and thanks for today's encouragements!
PMS - May 06, 2008 - Report this comment
For TJC giving fives to the power of three
littleCupCakes - May 06, 2008 - Report this comment
It's witty . . . but frightningly true, because membership is based solely on ability to reproduce? That is so scary!!
Peregrin - May 06, 2008 - Report this comment
Good job TJC
Agrimorfee - May 07, 2008 - Report this comment
Sick and funny, even if perfectionists may quibble at inaccurate items in the is obviously satire. Why not consider joining in the Amiright Idol competition? See for more?
TJC - May 07, 2008 - Report this comment
PMS - Logarithimic thanks! ~ LCC - Thanks, though I exaggerated tremendously for humor's sake ~ Peregrin - thank you. ~ Agrimorfee - Thanks... and as you pointed out, virtually nothing in the song is true... it was more a parody of perception, based on the inflammatory cant the story was initially presented with by 'Nancy Grace' and her ilk. Apparently, thus far, there is *no* proof of any child abuse or out-of-wedlock sex, and only 1 or 2 mothers who are believed to have conceived at age 15, none younger. The average wife's age in the sect's pleural marriages (about 2/3 of 'em) was 31 and 21 for the monogamous unions. But, are they whacky, patriarchial fringe-ridin' extremists worthy of AIR's attention? IMO, You betchha!
Michael Pacholek - May 09, 2008 - Report this comment
Sorry it took me so long to find this, but it was worth the wait! And I've got a feeling we don't know the half of what went on there, so you may get enough material for a sequel!

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