No, ma'am - you can't join on your own
I said no, ma'am - you lack testosterone
I said no, ma'am - try some manly cologne
Or your sponsor's last exemption

Yes, ma'am - there's a place you can play
I said yes, ma'am - where the boys stay away
You can golf there - and I'm sure you will say
Women's tours need less attention

It's fun to play in the LPGA
It's fun to play in the LPGA
They have every course
That the other group plays
You can hang out with Swedish babes

It's fun to play in the LPGA
It's fun to play in the LPGA
You can flirt with the press
You can work on your swing
You're not paired up with Vijay Singh

Hey, ma'am - so you're queen of the tees
It's OK, ma'am - if you're black or Chinese
If you stay, ma'am - over with the lay-dees
We don't need diversifyin'

So, girl - tear it up on the links
Yeah you go, girl - we'll buy feminists drinks
And have no girls - 'cause equality stinks
Chicks can be unsatisfyin'

Why don't you stay in the LPGA
It's fun to stay in the LPGA
They've got nicer putts
They've got private stalls
They don't joke about Tiger's balls

It's fun to play in the LPGA
It's fun to play in the LPGA
They've got no Nick Price
So they won't give a damn
If you're Annika Sorenstam

L-P-G-A...
F-U-Vijay...
(etc.)