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Song Parodies -> "Poonclamp"

Original Song Title:

"Moondance"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Van Morrison

Parody Song Title:

"Poonclamp"

Parody Written by:

The Comedian

The Lyrics

You've probably heard of circus and carnival sideshows having a "Bearded Lady" ... but did you ever hear about ... this?
Well it's a sideshow of fright called The Poonclamp
Bending bars down below up inside
Her fans travel all night to see her vamp
'Neath the glitter of carnival rides

With all her sleaze, on her knees she's falling
To the sound of the barkers that crow
And I'm trying to see what she's mauling
With her muscles that break rock below

You know her thighs' magic
Turns a diamond to mush
And in her strong poonvise
Steel bars grind, and are crushed

I can't believe what The Poonclamp did to - steel bars!
I can't believe my eyes, she melted two - steel bars!

Well I didn't believe my eyes tonight
So I'll wait till the morning has come
And I think now my mind was not right
But straight back to the sideshow I'll run

And when I came The Poonclamp was waiting
And her sideshow got started at dusk
There and then we all screamed and ran in fear
When she shattered an elephant's tusk

And every time I see her
I just tremble inside
'Cause I know how much I
Want her that, I can't hide

I can't believe what The Poonclamp did to - that tusk!
I can't believe my eyes, she cracked in two - that tusk!

Well she's got muscles of might, she's The Poonclamp
Crushing cars down below with her thighs
And I'll travel all night to see her vamp
'Neath the carnival summer night skies

Stronger than trees, on her knees she's falling
As the carnival barkers all busk
And I marvel to see what she's mauling:
Railroad ties and an elephant tusk!

You know her thighs' magic
Turns a hard man to mush
And in her strong poonvise
Steel bars grind, and are crushed

I'm too afraid to ask The Poonclamp to - make love!
I fear I'll end up dongless if we do - make love!

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User Comments

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Rick D - June 05, 2004 - Report this comment
Nice to have around if you need a beer bottle opened.
zfunky1 - June 05, 2004 - Report this comment
I love Van Morrisson but I was quite moved by your lyrics.... such a woman should exist.
alvin rhodes - June 06, 2004 - Report this comment
crushingly good
Stray Pooch - June 06, 2004 - Report this comment
Where in the HELL do you come up with these ideas??? lol! Gotta tell ya, this one is scary!! But you nailed "Moondance." I just hope I can listen to that song in the future without involuntarily crossing my legs! 555.
Johnny D - June 06, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks Rick, zfunky1, alvin, and Stray Pooch. I was casting about for words that would rhyme with "Moondance", and somehow "Poonclamp" came to mind...and the rest is twistory.
Rod Worden - June 08, 2004 - Report this comment
Sideshow?? I think she'd make a great midway ride! 555 lbs of force for this clever piece!
Johnny D - June 08, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks Rod!
Agrimorfee - June 09, 2004 - Report this comment
Great idea, wonderfully executed. 555
Johnny D - June 09, 2004 - Report this comment
Thank you, Agrimorfee.

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