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Song Parodies -> "Use Two Hands!"

Original Song Title:

"Knock Three Times"

Original Performer:

Tony Orlando & Dawn

Parody Song Title:

"Use Two Hands!"

Parody Written by:

Michael Pacholek

The Lyrics

I hate to disappoint the Disciples of Johnny D, but this isn't about what you think it's about. This is about Melky Cabrera and that excrutiatingly stupid error he made for the Yankees against the Red Sox on May 9, 2006. What's the first thing you teach a kid learning to play the outfield?
(instrumental opening)

Hey, kid! Whatcha doing out there?
Running around like an idiot chasing a fly ball?
I know that the wind was blowing.
I know where that ball was going.
Twenty-one years old
but that will not be sold
an eyeful!

Oy vey, Melky!
Use two hands
on the fly balls that you're catching!
Use one that's bare
and the other with glove.
Come, on, kiddo!
"I got it!"
means don't you dare leave me retching!
Use both your hands
and you'll get the fans' love!

When I looked out in New York tonight
I thought I saw a nightmare sitting out there in right field.
That ball would be caught by Maris
or even by bimbo Paris.
O'Neill would get it saved
and so would the old Babe
and Winfield!

Oy vey, Melky!
Use two hands
on the fly balls that you're catching!
Use one that's bare
and the other with glove.
Come, on, kiddo!
"I got it!"
means don't you dare leave me retching!
Use both your hands
and you'll get the fans' love!

(instrumental break)

I know that you subbed for Gary.
Sheffield would not be so scary.
Twenty-one years old
but that will not be sold
an eyeful!

Oy vey, Melky!
Use two hands
on the fly balls that you're catching!
Use one that's bare
and the other with glove.
Come, on, kiddo!
"I got it!"
means don't you dare leave me retching!
Use both your hands
and you'll get the fans' love!

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 3.6
How Funny: 3.8
Overall Rating: 3.8

Total Votes: 5

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 1
 1
 
 2   1
 0
 0
 
 3   0
 1
 1
 
 4   0
 0
 0
 
 5   3
 3
 3
 

User Comments

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Arwen - May 10, 2006 - Report this comment
LOL!
alvin rhodes - May 10, 2006 - Report this comment
good concept...i hate it when ballplayers act casual
AFW - May 10, 2006 - Report this comment
Pretty catchy...take fives
Larry Hensley - May 10, 2006 - Report this comment
555 homers

The author of the parody has authorized comments, and wants YOUR feedback.

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