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Song Parodies -> "No Elements"

Original Song Title:

"The Elements"

Original Performer:

Tom Lehrer

Parody Song Title:

"No Elements"

Parody Written by:

Giorgio Coniglio

The Lyrics

Tom Lehrer became a legend with his scientific patter-song, More popular and loved than his unpublished “Anti-Matter Song”; Enhancing humdrum discourse, just to quote his ode lends elegance To conversation thrumming with the spectrum of the Elements. We face this glum conundrum as alumni of Philology - Lay-folk would like a list replete with Latin etymology The possibilities for neutral nouns in -U-M loom awesome; No need to invoke hokum terms like tantrum, chum or opossum.
There’s atrium, asylum, arboretum, auditorium
Compendium and modicum and rostrum, crematorium
And coliseum, quantum, condominium, euphonium
And album, acetabulum, museum, pandemonium.

There’s maximum and minimum and optimum and medium
And opium, opprobrium, colloquium and tedium
Colostrum, serum, sputum, sebum, nostrum and meconium
And sternum, talcum, labium, ovum, spermatogonium.

Caladium, nasturtium and laburnum and geranium
And sacrum, c(a)ecum, ischium and tympanum and cranium
Consortium, memorandum, and symposium and podium
Desideratum, datum, vacuum, ultimatum, odium.

There’s pablum, perineum, paramecium, petroleum
And locum and inoculum, lyceum and linoleum
And tritium, deuterium, trapezium and trillium
Mycelium, flagellum, endothelium and cilium.

There’s quorum and decorum, mausoleum, moratorium
And premium, per-annum, honorarium, emporium
And pendulum and forum, fulcrum, speculum, bacterium
And cerebellum, plenum, sum, curriculum, delirium.

Gymnasium and stadium and magnum and terrarium
Solarium, momentum, myocardium, aquarium
And scrotum and factotum and postpartum and continuum
And duodenum, referendum, rectum and residuum.

To plural them, heads swirling them, “What single rule? - please answer, Pa”.
My dictum, “Don’t inflict ‘em with erratums or chrysanthema !”

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 3

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   3

User Comments

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Barry J. Mitchel - April 12, 2013 - Report this comment
Got to give you a triskipentium on this. But TOS is pre-1960 & I don't understand your title.
John Lomain - April 12, 2013 - Report this comment
Fantastic idea and parody!
Lifeliver - April 12, 2013 - Report this comment
Far from elementary. Few here would dare to even think about attempting this song, let alone just coming up with a concept to fit. You've not only done that but nailed it, and included a deliciously clever rhymed intro to boot. A true tour de force, worthy of the masterful Tom Lehrer himself. Maximum applaudium and bulkum genuflectum and tri-um-v rate (should be XXX). As BJM mentioned, the title needed attention.
Giorgio - April 18, 2013 - Report this comment
Thanks BJM, JL and Ll for positive comments. Title problem: Had originally thought of performing TOS at ukejam’s “Elements – earth, wind, fire” theme-night. Once invented, “No Elements” seemed to fit circum-stance in doing the parody-song at following session. Human cerebrum does odd things; still searching for optimum title, came up with this alternative Addendum (as per OS)…. There’s stratum, alum, allium, alluvium et alia, And mom’s pouch called ‘marsupium’ but mostly in Australia. Best word-play to emerge from all this is likely Ll's 'triumv_rate'
Agrimorfee - April 19, 2013 - Report this comment
3 words: HO. LEE. COW!
Phil Alexander - August 12, 2013 - Report this comment
Super - enjoyed the idea, and an excellent choice of non-elementary words. This would be as fun to sing as the Elements is :-)

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