Jeroboam* was full of grog;
I learned that after I dined.
Couldn't understand why I got so sotted;
I thought I was drinking fine wine,
Although it smelled kind of like turpentine.

CHORUS:
Enjoyed the bird,
Though it gave me GERD*.
Enjoyed the fish, deep-dish delicacy.
Boy, the "wine"'s nasty!

When I took a drink, my tongue curled,
Tell me, "What's this brew?"
It tastes like a sidecar from the bar, but it's warm. . .
Ain't sweet—smells like yew.

CHORUS

So a fun-loving lady
Replaced wine with rum.
She was inspiring; soon she had me firing
Straight shots right down into my tum—
It didn't even linger on my gums.

[Repeat chorus until you pass out]