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Song Parodies -> "COBOL Wizard"

Original Song Title:

"Pinball Wizard"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

The Who

Parody Song Title:

"COBOL Wizard"

Parody Written by:

The Comedian

The Lyrics

Forgive me - I worked as a COBOL programmer for years back in the 80's and 90's... ("WORKING STORAGE" is one of the places in every COBOL program where the programmer can declare and define variables)
Ever since I was a young boy
I've typed upon the screen
From IBM to Apple
In amber and in green
But I ain't seen nothing like him
In any computer hall
That deaf dumb and blind kid
Sure codes a mean COBOL !

He sits like a statue
Becomes part of the machine
Feeling all the numbers
Always keying clean
Never makes a typo
No backspaces at all
That deaf dumb and blind kid
Sure codes a mean COBOL !

He's a COBOL wizard
There has to be a catch
A COBOL wizard's got
No-bugs-in-his-batch!

How do you think he does it?
I don't know!
What makes him so good?

Ain't got no distractions
Can't hear no buzzes or beeps
Don't see no cursor flashing
Programs in his sleep
Codes by intuition
The CPU's his thrall
That deaf dumb and blind kid
Sure codes a mean COBOL !

I thought I was
The WORKING STORAGE king
But I've just handed my COBOL crown to him!

Even on my favorite system
He can beat my best
His disciples lead him in
And he just does the rest
He's got crazy keyboard fingers
Never seen him fall
That deaf dumb and blind kid
Sure codes a mean COBOL !


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 LittleLots
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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.8
How Funny: 4.8
Overall Rating: 4.8

Total Votes: 6

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
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 2   0
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 3   0
 0
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 4   1
 1
 1
 
 5   5
 5
 5
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Melhi - October 21, 2003 - Report this comment
(Applauding) Very good!
Wild Man - October 21, 2003 - Report this comment
Very funny read, Man.
Jonathan C. - October 21, 2003 - Report this comment
Can't wait for the Elton John version.
Michael Pacholek - October 21, 2003 - Report this comment
SYNTAX ERROR: User attempted to give this parody all nines.
Reptone - October 21, 2003 - Report this comment
Wouldn't that be an I/O ERROR?
Guy - October 21, 2003 - Report this comment
JOHNNY EXCELLENT!!! I started out as a COBOL programmer about 100 years ago. Actually it was the second language I learned after BASIC. This was back when the normal computer, that either belonged to a bank or the government was an IBM 360. (No one else seemed to have them back then, except for large companies like GE, Ford, GM or the like).

Most excellent line: No-bugs-in-his-batch!

COBOL was my favorite language. I worked with COBOL codicil databases until just about 1990. Boy, you really take me back with this one. Great job.
Johnny D - October 22, 2003 - Report this comment
Thanks so much Guy! It's great to rub virtual elbows with a fellow "WORKING STORAGE king"! Yep, we built this city on COBOL code....wait a minute....is there another parody in there somewhere...?
2nz - December 16, 2003 - Report this comment
Again with my late comment. Great parody. Part of me wanted you to change more of the original lines, specifically: "How do you think he does it? I donít know! What makes him so good?" Great, see now I'm gonna start trying to come up with something to put there and I'm not gonna study for my finals...whatever, the originals work, so if there were a 'creativity' rating next to pacing, I'd need to give you a four, but since there isn't, top marks and no syntax errors whatsoever.
Johnny D - December 16, 2003 - Report this comment
Thank you, 2nz. Try to study for your finals, dude - just keep thinking of the rush and " ahhhhhhhhh " of pleasure you'll feel when they're all over !

And thank you for your very in-depth and thoughtful commentary here. I gently disagree with your definition of creativity in this particular context, however - I am of the school-of-parody-thought that believes that ripping-off and twisting the original song's original lines can be a cool and clever parody device - and in this case, keeping that little bit from "Pinball Wizard" served my nerdy-geeky purpose.
MarthaDTox - February 13, 2004 - Report this comment
Wonderful parody
Johnny D - February 13, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks Martha!
Agrimorfee - February 13, 2004 - Report this comment
Don't know the computer language, but I know quite a few I.T. geeks who do and will appreciate this tune. :) 555
Johnny D - February 13, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks Agrimorfee. ;-D
Dominic L. - April 16, 2005 - Report this comment
Back when Computers were good!
Johnny D - April 16, 2005 - Report this comment
Thank you, Dominic! Oh, they're still good for some things, like song parodies!
Tommy Turtle - February 08, 2006 - Report this comment
Brilliant substitutions; any opera named "Tommy" has got to be great... Five balls and a free replay.
Johnny D - February 14, 2006 - Report this comment
Thanks, Tommy --- after all, the original opera's about you!

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