(bass & drum intro)

I was the shortest kid ever
I couldn't reach a door lever, no, no way--
And what was to blame
But my daddy's size--

The playground kids were always teasin'--
Takin' my lunch when the weather was freezin',
Mama, I'm dependin' on you
To tell me the truth.....

"Papa was an awesome dwarf--
He made a killing by hackin' up Orcs
And Uruk-Hai
He helped beat the Evil Lord.....

"Gimli was an awesome dwarf, my son, yeah,
He made a killing by axin' those Orcs
And Uruk-Hai
He helped beat the Evil Lord....."

(trumpet solo)

Hey, Mama,
Is it true what they say that
Papa never had a shave
In his life?

And Mama,
Some bad talk goin' around town
Sayin' that Papa had big bushy eyebrows
And he rode a trike!
And that ain't right!

Heard some talk about Papa doin' some gemstone tradin',
Talk about chasin' trolls and mineshaft gradin',
Diggin' in dirt and dealin' with some Ring of a Lord--
Mama shook a stubby finger in my face and said, son...

"Papa was an awesome dwarf--
He made a killing by hackin' up Orcs
And Uruk-Hai
He helped beat the Evil Lord.....

"Gimli was an awesome dwarf, my son, yeah
He made a killing by axin' those Orcs
And Uruk-Hai
He helped beat the Evil Lord....."

(really long trumpet solo)

Hey, Mama,
I heard Papa called himself a hacker like Blade--
Tell me, just how does a hacker dwarf earn his pay?
Folks say Papa had one favorite sport:
Dismembering dorks--

Hey, Mama,
Folks say Papa got old and started to shrinkin',
One-third of the height of an Abraham Lincoln--
Mama, I'm depending on you to tell me the truth--
Mama looked up with a beer in her hand and said, son...

"Gimli was no leprechaun!
He was a dwarf, not an elf or a gnome!
Down in the mines
Deep in Moria was his home.....

"Gimli was the son of Gloin, my son, yeah,
He wore a thimble of gold on his groin
Although pint-sized
Gimli had it goin' on....."

"Papa was an awesome dwarf--
He made a killing by hackin' up Orcs
And Uruk-Hai
He helped beat the Evil Lord.....

"Gimli was an awesome dwarf, my son, yeah
He made a killing by axin' those Orcs
And Uruk-Hai
He helped beat the Evil Lord....."