(fast tempo)
(choir and hard-rock guitar intro)

(Patient: )

Doc said I have to fast for hours
So digestive tract is clean
He gave me stuff to drink to scour
My large intestine squeaky-clean

Now when I stop and look below me
There is nothing in the bowl
That drink did its gut-ablutions
But it's burning my a**h***

(fast tempo)
(choir and hard-rock guitar interlude)

Why do I need to take more cleanser
Guts are groaning at the thought
Because that sh*t is hard to swallow
It tastes like Starbucks I once bought...

(slow tempo)

(Proctologist: )

It's not the way
That you taste it
When you drink that stuff for me
It's more the way
Your guts need it
'Cause we want them to be clean

And when I stop
And look inside you
I do believe it's true
That all the drugs
You've been drinking
Have washed out all your poo

I'm looking through
Your colon with this light
I'm looking through
To see if things look all right
And if you could see
What I now can see
You'd just say "Wow" and drool,
'Cause colons look so cool...

(Patient: )

Between the camera
Shoved up my ass
And my urgent
Need to pee
There lies a gland
Called the prostate
And they're probing it
Hoo-wheeee !!

But in the haze
Of the Versed
My mind hallucinates
The Rolling Stones
Look like fish-hooks
And Keith Richards
Looks like bait...

(Proctologist: )

I'm looking in
Your colon - I know it's gross
I'm looking in
To extricate little growths
And if you could see
What I now can see
You'd lose your lunch and spew
So watch as I pull through
A sample of some goo
Before it grows too bold
And crawls out your a**h***

(Patient: )

It's not the way
That you say it
When you do those things to me
It's more the way
You enjoy it -
- that's what really creeps out me...

(fast tempo)
(choir and hard-rock guitar interlude)

(Patient: )

Seemed like my butt was probed for hours
By that snakelike camera tube
I was really whacked on Versed
Wished the doc has used more lube

'Cause when he stopped and said to sit up
I was glad that I could flee
From a world of butt intrusion
That is burning anally

(choir and hard-rock guitar instrumental)