And the sign says "long hair freaky people need not apply."
So I put my hair all in corn-rows and I went in to ask him why.
He said, "You look like a fine outstanding player, I think you'll do."
So I showed him my tattoos, said, "Imagine that, huh, me working for you!"

Fines, fines, NBA's got fines.
Handed down by David Stern, watch how you whine.
"Do this! Don't do that! Gonna get a fine!"

And the sign said, "Don't you complain about the officiating tonight!"
So I brought up the First Amendment and I asserted all my rights
to say, "The referee's a bum! The way he calls the game's a sin!
And since Shaq can't hit free throws, why you think the Lakers are a winner?"

Fines, fines, NBA's got fines.
Handed down by David Stern, watch how you whine.
"Do this! Don't do that! Gonna get a fine!"

Oh, say now, Mister, can't you read?
You gotta watch what you say from your courtside seat.
You can't say, "Iverson sucks!" You ain't supposed to be rude!
And the sign says, "You need a personal seat license to get inside!"

And the sign said, "Everybody welcome, you'll get some obscene pay."
But then I wore my shorts too long, and my socks too high, and I got a great big fine that day.
So I got me a pen and paper, and I dropped ESPN a line:
I said, "Can I join you, SportsCenter, where I don't have to pay a big fine?"

Fines, fines, NBA's got fines.
Handed down by David Stern, watch how you whine.
"Do this! Don't do that! Gonna get a fine!"

Fines, fines, NBA's got fines.
Handed down by David Stern, watch how you whine.
"Do this! Don't do that! Gonna get a fine!"

"Do this! Don't do that! Gonna get a fine!"