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Song Parodies -> "Welcome To Your Hell-Hole, Condoleeza'"

Original Song Title:

"Hotel California"

Original Performer:

The Eagles

Parody Song Title:

"Welcome To Your Hell-Hole, Condoleeza'"

Parody Written by:

Bob Gomez

The Lyrics

Responding to public pressure, the President has allowed his national
security advisor to testify under oath, as opposed to on "60 Minutes."
9/11 Commission
Hot witness' chair
We compelled Condoleeza
On the Bible to swear

She had put up resistance
It was a simmering fight
She's got no problem going on TV
It seems she's on every night!

Under threat of subpoena
The White House finally caved
And we were thinking to ourselves
"This woman's got a whole lot to explain!"

So she picks up the mike stand
Brings it close to her face
I heard voices of some senators
I thought I heard them say:

"Welcome to your hell-hole, Condoleeza!
It's a public place (It's a public place)
You'll be here for days--

"Plenty of room in your hell-hole, Condoleeza!
Bush's holy war (Bush's holy war)
Just what was it for?"

Her mind is Dick Cheney-twisted
The party line she defends
(He's got a lot of Halliburton boys
That he calls friends--)

After probative questions
She starts to sweat
What Dick Clarke remembers
She tends to forget.....

No Al-Qaeda connections
No Dubya-M-D's
Why Rumsey said there was an "imminent threat," Ma'am,
Do explain to us, please!

And still your accountability's faaaaar awaaaaay--
We're not pleased with your answers, Dr. Rice,
And our tempers fray, hey:

"Welcome to your hell-hole, Condoleeza!
It's a public place (It's a public place)
You'll be here for days--

"Deliver the goods under oath now, Condoleeza!
Where's your alibi? (Where's your alibi?)
At the FBI??????"

Got a creepy feeling
From Condoleeza Rice
When she said, "We had ample evidence, yes,
Of some sort of device..."

And so we asked her attorneys
To gather notes and debriefs--
They said, "We'd really love to help you out
But they just can't be released!"

Last thing I remember, she was
Strolling out the door
It seems there was no looking back
From this tragic, bloody war

"Relax," said the spokesman,
"Bush was programmed to believe;
He was hell-bent on pre-emptive strikes
Now we can never leave!"
©Bob Gomez 2004

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.5
How Funny: 4.5
Overall Rating: 4.5

Total Votes: 8

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   7

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Jack Wilson - April 01, 2004 - Report this comment
Loved it! 555!
Red Neck Mother - April 01, 2004 - Report this comment
5-5-5, although not a humorous subject. Exchange humor for truth, coherency,topicality, and brilliance.
Johnny D - April 01, 2004 - Report this comment am awed but not shocked...."No Dubya-M-Dís", sharp wit here, Bob. Good job.
Paul Robinson - April 01, 2004 - Report this comment
Wow! Exceptional Job here, Bob!! You really nailed this one, every syllable dead-on pace and every phrase is honed right to the point. It sings fantastically (hell, it sings better than the original song; it matches up to it perfectly and I think "Condoleezza" flows a lot nicer than "California"...but it's even more than that.
Rick D - April 01, 2004 - Report this comment
I don't know who gave you ones, but I tried to make up for it, Bob
John Jenkins - April 01, 2004 - Report this comment
I think that Dr. Rice makes a much more credible witness than Mr. Clarke, but this was a very well constructed parody (other than a few forced rhymes). Great job, Bob.
Melhi - April 02, 2004 - Report this comment
Wow, Bob, you're always top notch, but this one's cranked up to eleven! As for those Funny points, the title had me laughing before I made the click.
Ravyn Rant - April 02, 2004 - Report this comment
All 5's from me, for meter, humor and TOPIC! :)
Michael Pacholek - April 02, 2004 - Report this comment
There must have been a "Freaky Friday" thing going on at the White House, because, by not wanting to testify, Condi was dumb, and by making her testify, Georgie was smart. I'm not sure I should root for things to go back. The song? In the words of Morticia Addams, "Oh, Gomez, that was wonderful!"
Meriadoc - April 02, 2004 - Report this comment
Brilliant pacing and word-play! - April 02, 2004 - Report this comment
Bob Frickin' Gomez, you nailed this. Too many great lines to name them all, but I particularly liked the Halliburton verse and alibi/FBI. And how appropriate that the original was done by our national birds. Heh heh.
Peregrin - April 03, 2004 - Report this comment
Bob Gomez - April 08, 2004 - Report this comment
Dear Fellow AmiRighters: Thanks for your comments. We'll find out today how prophetic I was on this one. What gets to me most is that no one in the Bush administration has yet to come close to stepping up to the plate and taking responsibility for the numerous failures that have landed us in this hell-hole called Iraq. Peace. d;:^)

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