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Song Parodies -> "Ryan's Guys"

Original Song Title:

"Lyin' Eyes"

Original Performer:

The Eagles

Parody Song Title:

"Ryan's Guys"

Parody Written by:

Michael Pacholek

The Lyrics

One of my earliest parodies on this site was "The New York Jets," to the tune of "Like a Rolling Stone." Since then, the Jets have risen, and fallen, and risen again, and fallen again. Rex Ryan promised their fans the world. Now, they've fallen, and they can't get up.
(instrumental opening)

City boys seem to call up early
calling up WFAN.
That's 660 AM, and they are surly
they use language that might get them a ban.

Late at night, they're still feeling quite woozy.
You see, rooting for this team has quite the price.
And it breaks their hearts to see that getting boozy
will not ease the pain of team that's cold as ice.

So they go online, and they sign on to Twitter
to comfort their old friends who're feeling down.
But this only makes them even more bitter
'cause the Jets are stinking up their whole hometown.

You can't hide Rex Ryan's guys.
And your smile is a thin disguise.
I thought by now you'd realize
there ain't no way to hide Rex Ryan's guys.

On the other side of New York's football divide
with fiery eyes, Tom Coughlin asks, "What's the deal?"
But the 4 Lombardi Trophies since Namath's ride
means they'll always feel much better than you feel.

No rushers, no good arms, you fall together.
Rex says he'll have 'em winning in a while.
You swear that it seems like it's been forever.
He drives away, but is it forced, his smile?

You can't hide Rex Ryan's guys.
And your smile is a thin disguise.
I thought by now you'd realize
there ain't no way to hide Rex Ryan's guys.

He gets up and pours himself a strong one
and stares out at the stars up in the sky.
Another winter, gonna be a long one.
With Raiders winless, no top pick, he'll cry.

He wonders how it ever got this crazy.
He thinks about the Sack Exchange so cool.
Herm Edwards played to win, now things are hazy.
And Rex sits there, looks like a big fat fool.

My oh my, Rex sure says so many strange things.
He set it up so well, so carefully.
Ain't it funny how his new lies haven't changed things.
They're still the joke club they will always be.

You can't hide Rex Ryan's guys.
And your smile is a thin disguise.
I thought by now you'd realize
there ain't no way to hide Rex Ryan's guys.
There ain't no way to hide Rex Ryan's guys.
No, man, you can't hide Rex Ryan's guys.

(Instrumental close to this sad song.)
(Such sad song.)
JETS: Just End the Season. Or... Just Endure The Suffering.

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 3.4
How Funny: 3.2
Overall Rating: 3.2

Total Votes: 16

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   5
 6
 6
 
 2   2
 1
 1
 
 3   0
 0
 0
 
 4   0
 1
 1
 
 5   9
 8
 8
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

John Jenkins - November 04, 2014 - Report this comment
This is not the first Michael Pacholek parody that I have praised, but it might be his first Election Day parody that I have thoroughly enjoyed! Particularly liked the Raiders line.
Jonathan - November 04, 2014 - Report this comment
Tebow could've been winning games for them but they made him a benchwarmer then gave him the boot well you know what they say about karma... :) 5's
Michael Pacholek - November 05, 2014 - Report this comment
Yes, Tebow could have been winning games for them. All he needed to do so was talent.
Jonathan - November 05, 2014 - Report this comment
^ no all he needed to do so was a chance! he has the talent but not the opportunity at Denver when he showed said talent they showed him the door! they received their karmic punishment in the form of a superbowl humiliation (best superbowl ever!) and now it looks like it's The Jets turn! I look forward to seeing what's in store for The Patriots because they're next in line!
Callmelennie - November 05, 2014 - Report this comment
Wha' chu' talkin' about, Michael? I think it takes a hell of a lot of talent to win a Heisman, an NCAA championship and a NFL playoff game when your throwing motion resembles that of a centerfielder trying to throw someone out at third
Dave W. - November 05, 2014 - Report this comment
The flying fickle finger of fate award has it's nominee.......If for tenth time you don't succeed, cry, cry again....................Great parody...but not for the fans

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