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Song Parodies -> "Lyin' Spies?"

Original Song Title:

"Lyin' Eyes"

Original Performer:

The Eagles

Parody Song Title:

"Lyin' Spies?"

Parody Written by:

Kristof Robertson

The Lyrics

"I am from Volgograd. I make wife good to gent from rich capitalist nation. I am be good mother to he children"...blah blah blah. Now here's the true story....
Moscow girl was wanting Western hubby,
Sexy young baboushka married me
And though she's hot, I cannot help but worry
That she's still working for the KGB

Maybe I'm a little paranoid, sir
I guess every newlywed must have some doubts
Though we're beyond glasnost and perestroika
I still wonder what she does when she goes out

Olga knows I work down at the missile fact'ry;
(She memorises blueprints in her head)
She made vows to love, honour and protect me
So she keeps Kalashnikovs under the bed

Russian brides....with iron thighs
Pretty smiles....can mesmerise
But what you clowns....don't reali-ise
These Russki brides just might be lyin' spies!

On the other side of town a man is waiting
She tells me it's her cousin, Vladimir
It's obvious she doesn't want me tailing
Coz she slipped some knock-out pills into my beer

She always leaves the house through the back window
To her it's just a way of keeping fit
Her "colleagues" are all shady lookin' gringos
They're skilled at making folks talk quite a bit

Russian brides....with iron thighs
Slavic style....they advertise
They're gettin' down....with bald, fat guy-uys
But have ya thought, they might be lyin' spies?

Olga never cleans or cooks me dinner
But I'm a modern man, so that's OK
At least I've found a way of getting thinner
I call it "running from the CIA"

I could've wed a Czech mate or Pole dancer [*Czech? Pole? Geddit?*]
And Thai chicks are so tiny, cute and cheap
Now I make lots of time to bed-romance 'er
Coz I'm too freakin' scared to go to sleep

I'm gonna instigate divorce proceedings
Espionage-in' bitch has got to go!
Where's an agency to get me what I'm needing?
Think I'll email "The Love Club PLO"....

Russian brides....with iron thighs
Pretty smiles....can mesmerise
But what you clowns....don't reali-ise
These Russki brides just might be lyin' spies

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 20

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 0
 0
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   0
 0
 0
 
 4   0
 0
 0
 
 5   20
 20
 20
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

stuart mcarthur - October 25, 2007 - Report this comment
ha! fantastic, Kristof - you know I'm a sucker for these wacky storylines, and what an inspired title sub idea and follow-through - esp. loved the Pole Czech wink-wink - btw, check out the Nicole Kidman movie "Birthday Girl" (they pre-stole your storyline) and amazingly Nicole is actually hot in that movie! - 555
McKludge - October 25, 2007 - Report this comment
Better a dancer than a smoker, eh? I thought the Russians were our friends now. 555
Matthias - October 25, 2007 - Report this comment
Your message... If you choose to accept it is to allow these 555 votes. You shall find them in the Voing Breakdown section of the website. You must also allow others to 555 vote you, because it is going to happen. Do you accept your mission? This message will explode in 5-4-3-2-1... BOOM!!!!!!!!!
Kristof Robertson - October 25, 2007 - Report this comment
Thanks, Stu...and it's kind of karmic that you were the first to comment here: as I was the very first person to comment on your very first Amiright parody; "You Decide" to the tune of "Lyin' Eyes"! (AND I criticized your pacing...erk! :-D)....how far we've both come since then....cheers, bud.

McK: hehehe....and that's what they WANT us to think! ;-)
Phil Alexander - October 25, 2007 - Report this comment
Brilliant both in conception and execution (hmm... now that could have been part of the song ;-) )
Kristof Robertson - October 25, 2007 - Report this comment
00Matty: Mission accepted! Thanks for the vote, buddy

Phil: lol! Cheers, me ol' mucker...
Michael Pacholek - October 25, 2007 - Report this comment
Good evening, Agent 005. Did I expect her to talk? No, I expected her to lie!
Jack Wilson - October 25, 2007 - Report this comment
That was HILARIOUS, 5s
alvin - October 25, 2007 - Report this comment
great story......and it fit the mournful tone of the OS well
Jeff Reuben - October 25, 2007 - Report this comment
Dancer...lol! Awesome job on a good song =)
MasonR - October 25, 2007 - Report this comment
"Love Club PLO" cracked me up. This reminds me of one of your extraordinary earlier efforts, "Latvian Bride", which I think of every time I hear "Ticket to Ride!" Yup, Kristof, you write MEMORABLE parodies!
Tommy Turtle - October 25, 2007 - Report this comment
You've convinced me: I won't Russian to marriage with her, even though she says I a tractor. You and Stuart -- what a Paraguy. Reading your stuff always fills me with new zealand makes me wanna go write another. 555 for your Wales of a tale.
stuart mcarthur - October 25, 2007 - Report this comment
btw, my wife Vigdis is originally from Volgograd - she still misses the potatoes :-(

actually Kristof, the parody of mine you're referring to was my 10th submission here (a resubmission of my first submission, where I had miscapitalised my name) and on re-reading it, I'm grateful for all the 555s it got, since its pacing and partial completeness were definitely not up to amiright's rigorous standards - I didn't know what I was getting myself into at the time!
Guy - October 25, 2007 - Report this comment
Ya vas popishum, tvarish. Vasnaium? This was one Yabit toyub tuk of a parody. I get the Russian from my mother's side of the family. Her father was Russian and I picked a bit of that stuff up as a lad. Dobre dobre dobre! I spent most of my military career fighting the cold war until Desert Storm. This really hit home with me and whoever thinks those Rooskies are our friends are quite naive. My grandfather hated the commies and he'd probably hate what is there now if he were still above the ground. He left with his life in 1917 when Stalin did the great purge. The Russians were a fun lot to fight with - (cold war that is). They were predicible. Now all we have to fight with are these zeubunny sabacas from the sand box. Vayoverdatopsky!
Kristof Robertson - October 25, 2007 - Report this comment
Mike: Hee! Thanks for stopping by

Jack: CHEERS buddy!

Alvin: Great point, mate. I can see the Eags performing this...not!. :-)

Jeff: Dostvedonya (or however ya spell it) !

Mason: Man, you'be got a good memory...Olga and the KGB make an inadvertant return (and thanks a bunch for highlighting how few original ideas I actually have! ;-))

TT: PUN OVERLOAD! MELTDOWN!! Cheers, dude

Stu: And I *sob* thought I was your first...how could you? :-D
Is your wifr really Russian? Or am I being gullible again?

GuY: Yoiks! I take it borsht isn't on the menu in the DiRito household....in truth, the only Russian I'm really familiar with is clear and about 35-50% alcohol....
AFW - October 25, 2007 - Report this comment
Foreign intrigue at it's funniest...Robertson, heah...Kristof Robertson, SIS..........I'm shaking, not stirring, in 555 of vermouth
Kristof Robertson - October 25, 2007 - Report this comment
Agent AFW: Your mission to flatter me is a success....now go shag a Swedish ski instructor :_)
Guy - October 25, 2007 - Report this comment
Kristof - Vodka actually means water in Russian, Ancient Romans called the distilled substance aqua vitae (Latin) or water of life. The Russians just call it water or Vodka.
stuart mcarthur - October 25, 2007 - Report this comment
the second option, KR - my wife's from Cobram (.....sort of)
Vigdis is my amiright wife who keeps nagging me to neaten up our igloo (see my current SOTM entry) - truth is I just love the name Vigdis and can't stop using it in comments
stuart mcarthur - October 25, 2007 - Report this comment
...and you can go on thinking you were my first if you like, loverboy, but for your information Dee Range was my first
*lights cigarette*
TT - October 26, 2007 - Report this comment
Kristof, if this was a challenge between you and Stuart, I congratulate you on your stunning victoria.
stuart mcarthur - October 26, 2007 - Report this comment
TT, I am not so stupid slash masochistic as to enter into a challenge with Kristof
John Jenkins - October 26, 2007 - Report this comment
If you check all the Poles and poll all the Czechs, they will tell you that this parody deserves a 555.
Pole Dancer - October 26, 2007 - Report this comment
Wow, this is like, the second tribute I've gotten in a month or so. How cool is that? http://www.amiright.com/parody/misc/thecleftones0.shtml

Mr. McArthur, that's too bad. I love masochistic men!
TT - October 26, 2007 - Report this comment
Oh, Stuart, it was just a pun on "Victoria" to continue the first commenTT... Have you ever been to Pennsylvania? New parody about it coming tomorrow, maybe.
stuart mcarthur - October 26, 2007 - Report this comment
just taking the opportunity to grease up to Kristof, TT ;-)

yes I've been to Pennsylvania but I've never been to me

...and I found Intercourse very pleasant - I'd recommend it to anyone

...and the nightlife there is amazing - I was up all night

d'oh, what am I doing? - I should be sending all this stuff to Letterman
Kristof Robertson - October 26, 2007 - Report this comment
Guy: Here's another one...whisky is an anglicisation of the Gaelic "oisce beatha", also meaning "water of life"

Stu: d'oh! :-)

Stu (again): That Dee's no good for you...he won't treat ya good like I do. Where is he now, huh? You come back to Kristof, hun....

John: hehehehe

Pole D: Thanks! And Stu's home number is....:-)

Stu (with TT as a witness): I'm up for a challenge if you are! mwahahaha. And as for the Letterman thing....nah. Stick to parodies, mate. :-D
TT - October 26, 2007 - Report this comment
Stuart, "I've never been to me" OMG, I had forgotten that stupid song (thank goodness); now you HAVE to ream it. Do 'er a good one, Mate!

Kristof, good advice -- The way they put that in Hollyweird is "Don't quit your day job" :) (TT knows; he's heard it enough times.)
Lionel Mertens - October 26, 2007 - Report this comment
Very good. 5's
TJC - October 27, 2007 - Report this comment
Funny to the MAX, scans WELL and oh so SMART!
Guy - November 11, 2007 - Report this comment
SOTM - What I said above still goes.
Matthias - November 15, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Another James Bond flick in the process? "From Kristof With Love". (Sounds kinda like a porno....)
Below Average Dave (badave.com) - November 22, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Matthias, you are on an odd comment streak I tell you! Kristof, this one scans perfect, but I think it went over my head, maybe it's because I'm a blond. . .I get the spies and everything, is this about a particular movie or something? It's well constructed as always, but what are gringos? or glasnost and perestroika? Sorry buddy, I feel kinda stupid for asking but I really don't know and am having trouble finding them.
Kristof Robertson - November 22, 2007 - Report this comment
Don't worry, Dave...it's not your fault you're blonde. ;-) You know about Russian mail-order brides, don't you? Well, this story is about some American shlump who weds a Russian cutie only to find she's a spy using the marriage as cover.
Gringo is an insulting Spanish/mexican word for "foriegner" (I used it because it kind of rhymes with "window") Glasnost and perestroika were Soviet policies initiated by Mikhail Gorbachev in the late 80s prior to the collepse of the USSR. Glasnost means "openness" (it was about the government being honest about problems( and perestroika was political and economic reform.

Hope this helps!!!
Peter Andersson - November 24, 2007 - Report this comment
I know it's in a bit of bad taste to plug for your own parodies in a SOTM comment but seeing how the young crowd here knows too little about Russia, and that my own funniest writing session this year ended up being a take on history to a well known tune, I'll do that anyway: www.amiright.com/parody/70s/gordonlightfoot101.shtml
Max Power - November 26, 2007 - Report this comment
5s don't lie
Agrimorfee - November 27, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) What's a Mata Hari? 555
Mikey Squirrel - November 29, 2007 - Report this comment
SOTM- I spy with my little eye, something that is very well done, Kristof. Good job!
bobpiecheese - November 29, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) And what do we have here? Yet another SOTM classic from Overlord Kristof! Dasvedanya for the laughs, mate.
stuart mcarthur - November 29, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) ah yes, this was a funny one - "memorises blueprints" was great detail Kristof - you're a wonder at that detail stuff - and I remember the fun with the rest of the comments too leading to a barrage of town-name parodies from TT- where HAS TT gone? - and I mean it, KR - check out "Birthday Girl" with Nicole
Jason - November 30, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Im running out of 5s because of this author!
Jeff Reuben - November 30, 2007 - Report this comment
See above, I won't blow your cover while you're in hiding :)
McKludge - November 30, 2007 - Report this comment
SOTM - as above, this is outstanding.

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