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Song Parodies -> "Oh Hell, Can They Bore Ya"

Original Song Title:

"Hotel California"

Original Performer:

The Eagles

Parody Song Title:

"Oh Hell, Can They Bore Ya"

Parody Written by:

Kristof Robertson

The Lyrics

Flying is bad enough as it is, but sometimes you just can't get an even break...
On an L.A. bound red-eye,
4 hours of fear
Cold meal of dry chicken
And a warm can of beer
In the seat right beside me,
An overweight guy in plaid
Told me he sold detergents door-to-door,
And that his name was Big Brad
Then this jerk started yacking
About his work with bleach
As I was thinking to myself,
"That lovely stewardess smells like a peach"
I found out he did stand-up;
He ran through his routine
After 20 Pakistani jokes
I just wanted to scream....

Well-fed fellows; oh hell, can they bore ya!
Gettin' in your face (gettin' in your face)
Like a squirt of mace
Plenty of hot air, and oh hell, can they bore ya!
Watch me clench my rear, as they bend my ear

I pleaded to be re-seated,
Citing severe pain in neck
The only space was next to Reverend Bob....what the feck?
As he cried "Hallelujah!",
Hands in the air
I prayed for salvation, and tried not to swear

Warned me 'bout fornication;
Temptations of flesh
While I...was try'n to watch two lesbians in the next row get fresh
His pious voice was annoying; I had to say
"Sir, I'm off to a pagan sacrifice...there's a goat to slay!"

Hell-bent fellows; oh well, can they bore ya!
With their pompous ways (with their pompous ways)
And their fear of gays
They may wanna save ya from hot hell; hell, they bore ya!
Bible-bleating guys (bible-bleating guys)
Screw "The Friendly Skies!"

Stewardess, I'm calling...
To save me from this crap
But she said, "We are all just prisoners here; so shut yer trap"
And in the first-class chambers
They settled down to snooze
I'll stab them with my plastic spork
Eat their snacks and steal their booze

Last thing I remember, I'd locked
Myself in the john
Shrilly wailing to the cabin crew
"SERVE MY DRINKS HERE FROM NOW ON!"
Spent the night in a jail cell
Getting legless on cheap hooch
Coz I had to share my tiny bunk
With Paris Hilton's pooch....

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 14

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

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 2   0
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 3   0
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 5   14
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User Comments

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John Barry - May 22, 2007 - Report this comment
So well, pal, I score ya. Masterful job! And the code's PHD.
Jack Wilson - May 22, 2007 - Report this comment
Freakin HILARIOUS , and I remember I tsrated a group parody on the board in 2004 called Hotel That'll Bore Ya that never went trhough
Matthias - May 22, 2007 - Report this comment
This is one "fly" parody you cool cat!
Michael Pacholek - May 22, 2007 - Report this comment
Attention, passengers: This flight is delayed while we award Song of the Month to Kristof Robertson. And you had it wrapped up well before the reference to Tinkerbell. (Paris' pooch.) Here's 555 frequent-flier miles, which should get you from the east coast of Australia to... New Zealand? Oh, well, stuck, Melbourne, ya.
Dylan Baranski - May 22, 2007 - Report this comment
I don't know what to say. One of the following must have happened: 1. Either I or anyone else here who's complained about flying has been flying on all the wrong airlines. 2. I was lucky. 3. Autism has rendered me quite happy about flying on airplanes. 4. Something else happened. In any case, the only major issues I have about flying are: Long lines at security checkpoints, waiting for the plane to get here, and running out of stuff to do on the plane. Other than that, I like flying in airplanes. Oh yeah, and I'm also a bit afraid of crashing & burning, but that's not happened to me yet, so I'm not as concerned about that.
Dylan Baranski - May 22, 2007 - Report this comment
Also, I'd like to offer another comment: What long, strange days we live in, dudes.
McKludge - May 22, 2007 - Report this comment
Luckily I've never had such experiences in flying, but I tend to grab a few drinks before I get on the plane and sleep while in the air. But this is outstanding work, Kristof. Spork 'em if they can't take a joke.
alvin - May 22, 2007 - Report this comment
boy, did you ever hit the nail on the head with this one
AFW - May 22, 2007 - Report this comment
In the mile high club of hilarity.....funny all the way through...very creative
Phil Alexander - May 22, 2007 - Report this comment
:-)

...say, Kristof, is that stewardess any relation?
Kristof Robertson - May 22, 2007 - Report this comment
Many thanks to JAB, Jack, Matty, Mike, Dylan, McK, Al, AFW and Phil

Phil: I was wondering who was going to be the first to bring that up...I should've put some money on you, mate. If the stewardess mentioned WAS the cousin in question, that'd be a WHOLE different parody, and I really don't want to go there...;-)
Rex - May 22, 2007 - Report this comment
I can tell you carefully crafted this parody instead of just winging it. Great from takeoff to landing!
Ann Hammond - May 22, 2007 - Report this comment
loved it
TJC - May 22, 2007 - Report this comment
Alofty triumph, Kristof. Too funny!
Kristof Robertson - May 23, 2007 - Report this comment
Thanks a bunch Rex, Ann, and TJC!!
Chris Frederick - May 23, 2007 - Report this comment
Brilliant, and oh so true. I can tolerate the lousy food and the obligatory instructions on how to buckle (duh) and unbuckle (double duh) a seat belt, but strangers who just won't shut up drive me nuts. 555.
stuart mcarthur - May 25, 2007 - Report this comment
wow, you are on a roll this week, Kristof - any extra flashes of inspiration that you'd like to share with the rest of us - and points well-made too - ie. men dressed in plaid should have purpose-built aircraft - 555

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