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Song Parodies -> "How Can You Mend A Silent Fart"

Original Song Title:

"How Can You Mend A Broken Heart"

Original Performer:

The Bee Gees

Parody Song Title:

"How Can You Mend A Silent Fart"

Parody Written by:

Stuart McArthur

The Lyrics

Works best if you can recall the plaintive breathy tones of the original


I can think of yesterday
when living a clean life
was everything a man could want to do....
I could not predict the sor-row....
a minor indiscretion in the lift to-mor-row

Coz......
how can you mend....a silent fart?
How can you stop the smell from seeping out?
How can you stop - that small eruption
that hardly makes a sound
oh, oh, how can you put.....a fart back in?
How can a farter ever win?
Please help me mend - my silent fart - so we can breathe again.

I can still feel the faint breeze - that rustled through my cheeks
that misty seepage in my underpants
I just wished it were tomor-row
no-one said a word - such pain and sor-row

so....
how can you stop.....a silent fart?
How can you stop your friends from breathing in?
How can you stop - the air polluting
How can a farter win?
oh, oh, how can you put.....a fart back in?
how can you stop this stupid grin?
Please help me mend - my silent fart - so we can breathe again.

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 LittleLots
Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 



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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.8
How Funny: 4.6
Overall Rating: 4.6

Total Votes: 25

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 2
 2
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   0
 0
 0
 
 4   0
 2
 2
 
 5   24
 21
 21
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Ashkicksass - October 15, 2004 - Report this comment
"How can you put a fart back in?" I AM DYING!!!
Stuart McArthur - October 15, 2004 - Report this comment
aah, thankyou, ash, that was my favourite and you picked it !!!
Arwen - October 15, 2004 - Report this comment
I, too, am dying. I hate when I burst out in the office, because the ladies all look at me like I'm insane...(that's how they look at me, but I know that they are really just jealous that I am privy to hilarity like this and they are not...) 5s, Stuart...
Johnny D - October 15, 2004 - Report this comment
555. It's not a problem if there are at least 2 other people (who don't know you and who don't know each other) with you on the lift.
Stuart McArthur - October 15, 2004 - Report this comment
interesting point, Johnny! - I'll have to do the math on that! - but something tells me, instinctively, that you may be right - thanks heaps for the 5s.............Arwen! - heaven is to make you laugh!....but (whispering) seriously, you and I both know those ladies are jealous mostly because you're a beautiful princess and they're not!
John Barry - October 15, 2004 - Report this comment
Perfect choice of original for the subject matter.
Dee Range - October 15, 2004 - Report this comment
Love it, Stuart. 5-5-5. And Arwen, what did you mean when you said "burst out in the office?" Surely you NEVER!!! :-)
Stuart McArthur - October 15, 2004 - Report this comment
thanks John and Dee! :-)
Arwen - October 15, 2004 - Report this comment
Dee...if you're wondering if I was laughing so hard that my boobs fell right out of the top of my shirt...you can just come right out and say it...; )
2Eagle - October 15, 2004 - Report this comment
Some people do it in church.
Adagio - October 15, 2004 - Report this comment
LOL!!!! I didn't stop laughing throughout the whole song! (tearfully) And thanks for making it to a BeeGees sqeaky song...I can replace these words with theirs. If I could, it would be way more than 5, but, still...5's.
Stuart McArthur - October 15, 2004 - Report this comment
I used to think that when I was a kid, 2Eagle, but my Mum told me it was just Satan burping.....Arwen - asked but not answered, your honour....
Stuart McArthur - October 15, 2004 - Report this comment
well thankyou adagio!! - I'm rapt you found it so funny! - those Bee Gees were so earnest weren't they??
Arwen - October 15, 2004 - Report this comment
I'll respectfully decline to answer...and let you all enjoy whatever images your imaginations give you.
Airfarcewon - October 15, 2004 - Report this comment
This one's a real gas! outrageously funny!
Adagio - October 15, 2004 - Report this comment
Stuart, I always thought that the BeeGees sang that way, until I heard a pre-disco song of theirs. They sounded almost like Simon and Garfunkel on the song "New York Mining Disaster, 1949". I did one parody to it and would like to do another. Who told them they sounded better? lol yea...they were earnest, with the wrong voices.
Stuart McArthur - October 15, 2004 - Report this comment
as an Aussie, we grew up with the Bee gees thru the sixties, before they made it overseas, and they were very much Simon and G. I heard Barry interviewed and he said he tried a falsetto once, was amazed how naturally it came (apparently it's a rare talent, he said) and stuck to it.......I suppose it makes them distinctive (I like it sometimes - "Tragedy")
Billy Florio - October 15, 2004 - Report this comment
Nice work
alvin rhodes - October 15, 2004 - Report this comment
ah yes, the ol' "silent but deadly"....5s
Adagio - October 15, 2004 - Report this comment
I had to visit this laughing matter again. :D
Stuart McArthur - October 15, 2004 - Report this comment
thanks adagio, that's an honour
Johnny D - November 07, 2004 - Report this comment
(Aust comp) I can smell this one halfway around the world!
Phil Alexander - November 09, 2004 - Report this comment
:-) Is that the whiff of success I smell?
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - November 09, 2004 - Report this comment
(Aust comp) Smells like fine parody.
Meriadoc - November 09, 2004 - Report this comment
(OZCO) Imagining the Bee Gees singing this is priceless!
Stuart McArthur - November 10, 2004 - Report this comment
thanks Johnny, Phil, Luke and Merry :-)
Peregrin - November 11, 2004 - Report this comment
Quoting Rick from "The Young Ones' : "There's a vewwy farty smell in this room and it's definitely not coming from my bottom...". Excellent work stinking the Bee Gees out, Stuart!
Stuart McArthur - November 11, 2004 - Report this comment
well, it's much easier now there's only two of them, Pippin
AMIRIGHT AUSSIE PARODY CONTEST MEDALS - SILVER MEDAL - March 02, 2005 - Report this comment
http://www.inthe00s.com/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=7742.0;id=3898;image
Guy - May 30, 2009 - Report this comment
(ABC05H)

It took a fart smeller - er I mean a smart feller to write something this tasteless. But as the old adage goes, it's better to burp and taste it than fart and waste it. I hope I never share an elevator with you. The content of this parody could be used to promote a whole new kind of competition - "The Smelling Bee".

This is written well - you managed to make it funny and leave the gross stuff out of it. The mark of a fine parodist. Well done Stu.
Agrimorfee - June 01, 2009 - Report this comment
(ABC) After getting a whiff of this parody, I echo Guy and John Barry's comments.
Matthias - June 09, 2009 - Report this comment
Not normally a fan of fart parodies, but this one didn't stink
bobpiecheese - June 10, 2009 - Report this comment
(ABC5) Short but sweet (unlike that fart). 555!
Below Average Dave - June 11, 2009 - Report this comment
It's called. . .FEBREEZE .. .spray it on your pants before it happens, Matty--uuuh--ok, well I am a fan of the toilet genre at times, and never really anti--love the creative sides of it, which you no doubt posses
Melanie Lee - June 11, 2009 - Report this comment
(ABC) And a rooty-toot-toot-TOOT to you! LOL! Very funny, plus a bonus gross-out with the "seepage" line. I think you had one extra word with "faint breeze", but who cares. 5-5-5, an oxygen mask and some perfume on your pants!
Jeff Reuben - June 11, 2009 - Report this comment
I always knew you were full of something, now I know what! Lol...this was hilarious. I also subbed blend for mend in my mind, which led to other ideas... :)

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