I'm sitting in jail
Drank a little much at the bar last night
And then there was a fight
Someone hit my chin and turned out the light
Today I awakened inside a cell
This sure ain't like rooms in the Ritz hotel
And the smell, oh lord, the smell - I think it's me

They're looking at me
These criminals and punks under lock and key
I've got to get free
Before one of these hoods gives me h.i.v.
They're all idiots and scumbags, such a low life crowd
Oh Lord I just realized I said that out loud
And I need Scotty to beam me outta here

A gathering of policemen appeared outside the cell
They said that I could use the phone, I called my buddy Mel
I said come bail me out, come bail me out
Come bail me out today, lad
Come bail me out, come bail me out
I'm in an awful way

Come bail me out, come bail me out
Terms here are c.o.d, man
Come bail me out, come bail me out
Before they pummel me

I didn't hang the phone up, had to stay alive
So I just kept on talking until my friend arrived
I said come bail me out, come bail me out
Come bail me out today, lad
Come bail me out, come bail me out
Please say you're on the way
Come bail me out, come bail me out
Get here and save the day
Come bail me out, come bail me out
Or I'll have hell to pay