I'm always right,
And I'm never wrong
I hold beliefs that are oh, so strong--
I judge you, berate you,
Upbraid you and then
Wag my finger up under your chin--
I-I-I-I-I can irritate people, yeah, yeah

Since I know better,
I'll interrupt you
Lay all the blame on whatever you do--
You snub me, you hate me,
Ignore me and then
You must listen to the poop I fling!
I-I-I-I-I can irritate people, yeah, yeah

"You think you're hot shit
And I think that you're not shit
You're such a stupid snot, shit,
And plainly haven't got shit,
Your cigarette smoke, it makes me choke!
You drone on for so long while staring at my boobies..."

"Ooo-ooo, gotcha!"
"Creeps I can dis forever!"

I like to go
To parties and play
Naked Twister till the break of day--
I discuss the weather
You don't get my gist
That's 'cuz I'm a meteorologist!
I-I-I-I-I can irritate people, yeah, yeah

I go for cheddar
And you prefer bleu
We can't agree on whatever we do--
You love meat, I hate meat,
You throw meat and then
Your mistake was that your steak I'm in!
I-I-I-I-I can irritate people, yeah, yeah

"He wears some faux hair
That covers up his no-hair
And in his checkered mohair
Discusses winds at O'Hare!"

"His cigarette smoke,
It makes me choke!"
"He goes on for so long,
How could you be his roomie?"

"Ooo-ooo, gotcha!"
"Creeps I can dis forever!"

"Man, you're a gross one,
A standing-way-too-close one
Your breath smells like raw onions
And putrefying grunions!"

"A freakish dope,
Beyond all hope!
You go on and go on
And no one listens to you!"

"Ooo-ooo, gotcha!"

I-I-I-I-I can irritate people!