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Song Parodies -> "B. Boxer (2)"

Original Song Title:

"The Boxer"

Original Performer:

Simon & Garfunkel

Parody Song Title:

"B. Boxer (2)"

Parody Written by:

John A. Barry

The Lyrics

I’m essentially indifferent to one of my state’s senators, Barbara Boxer. She’s full of sh!t but serves as nice counterbalance to reactionary troglodytes such as Jeff Sessions and his icky ilk. Nearly four years ago, I did a parody of the OS with the same title. What prompted me to revisit it is that Boxer—proving that anyone with sufficient celebrity can get fiction published (Newt Gingrich, Marilyn Quayle, e.g.)—has a novel out, “Blind Trust” (what you’d have to have to buy it). She’s coming to my town, Danville, CA, to do a book signing at Rakestraw Books. Coincidentally, I have a studio on the second floor, above the bookstore. Protesters are alleged to be showing up to disrupt the signing. I plan to hang out in my studio and watch the show, that is if Boxer’s security goons don’t try to bar me from my studio. My studio mates and I have heard that they plan to “sweep” the building before Boxer arrives.

Stuck-up suckup rich girl, and my shtik is getting old.
I maunder, I’m a bitch ’n’
My mouth socket pours out mumbles and false promises—
Mere lies and jests, and I grab jeers;
I’m not handed cheers; dicks hard I detumesce.
Mumble, mumble. . . .

I’m in a Cosa Nostra family, a chick among many boys.
It’s a Congress of deranged turds
Who aren’t quiet; they’re insanely brayin’, runnin’ blares,
Paid-off ho’s, seeking out the richer quarters
Where the bagmen and thieves go—
Getting hooked up on down on K Street, where there’s dough.

Lie, lie, lie. . . .

Snatching more than working wages,
We are crooks on a con job, and we get big offers,
Each a Congressional whore in this smelly venue.
We don’t declare; got dimes in Swiss banks and the Caymans;
We’re sure to glom our share.

Now my peers are trolls, the slimiest creatures in D.C.
Many dolts here; it’s a dunce club,
Some scummier than me, fat cats they’re crusin’ for.
For dollars they range; they aren’t grain-fed. . .many brain-dead,
Some look like a mutt with mange.
They are strange, deranged, and range. . .no change arranged.

Blah, blah, blah. . . .

When I’m braying, shouts of “Zip your hole,
Skip it and begone! Go back home!”
Come from don’t-work state citizens—it’s peevin’ me,
Grieving me, their roast tone.

They’re all ear hurts like B. Boxer; we’re blighted by their tirades,
As they yammer something mindless like drugged-up slugs as air they blow
And bluster till we cry out: “Too much blather, please refrain
And be leaving, we'll be heaving
If you don't right now abstain.”

Blah, blah, blah
Lie, lie, lie

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 11

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   11

User Comments

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blackjack21 - August 14, 2009 - Report this comment
Punching out fives for this one. Fave line: "they aren't grain-fed...many brain dead."
Guy - August 14, 2009 - Report this comment
Hope those stupidos let you in your studio. Sir John - you must info us on the event. Fine write. I'll put her book on my list of things to burn. Here's the lighter and I'm burning off the "5" key off of three keyboards.
John Barry - August 14, 2009 - Report this comment
Thanks, blackjack, Guy (the event is today; I'll have to synopsize it in a parody)
SantaClaraCountyess - August 14, 2009 - Report this comment
Ohh, Pirate Jack, you & your 'Studio Mates' or your infamous " Bed-Buddies " are alike, SirSweaty !
SantaClaraCountyess - August 14, 2009 - Report this comment
Oh, Mr B-V-D, . . . aren't you & ~ MsBoxerShorts~ the best of BedBuddies, eh, Pirate Jack Barrow ?
MilpitasDeLight - August 14, 2009 - Report this comment
. . . Oh Barry, Barry , so quite contrary . . . . how does your ' painting go? " . . . .
Old Man Ribber - August 14, 2009 - Report this comment
What's the difference between Senator Boxer and a female canine of that breed? One is a drooling snarling attack b*tch...and the other is a dog! ;D
Guy@OMR - August 14, 2009 - Report this comment
Guy - August 14, 2009 - Report this comment
Fox news is right now carrying B. Boxer's book tour. Neil Cavuto is doing a live interview with Pam Silleman. Silleman stated in the interview that the senator arrived hiding under a blanket in the back seat of a car. What's up with that? They are showing video of the scene - where are you John - I'm looking for you in the crowd but I'm not seeing you.
Andy Primus - August 14, 2009 - Report this comment
Never heard of her but a well crafted slagging off
Andria - August 14, 2009 - Report this comment
Great parody, John, and I will say that I am indifferent to all politicians at this point (but still won't put up with anyone making racist remarks about Obama and Sotomayor online or in the real world, despite the fact that I don't particularly like them). I enjoyed the parody, and will vote all 5s.
Fiddlegirl - August 14, 2009 - Report this comment
It seems we have found a leader for the new Boxer Rebellion! :) ... fantastic.
Guy - August 14, 2009 - Report this comment
John - I just back tracked my DVR back to the , as FG says, the Boxer rebellion LOL - on Fox News. There was this guy holding up a sign that said "Hi Mom!" Was that you?
John Barry - August 14, 2009 - Report this comment
Thanks, all. I'm off soon to see the Senator. The gig starts at 6 P.M. PDT. Will report.
Guy - August 14, 2009 - Report this comment
SOOO, You're off to see the boxer, the wonderful boxer of laws,
She the wonderful boxer of laws because she always knows her legal clause.
Below Average Dave - August 14, 2009 - Report this comment
I think I just have a soft spot for 'shtick' . . .different, and unique word play, 5s
AFW - August 15, 2009 - Report this comment
Excellent, "Bash'el and a peck"

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