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Song Parodies -> "The Dandy Tan"

Original Song Title:

"The Candy Man"

Original Performer:

Sammy Davis Jr.

Parody Song Title:

"The Dandy Tan"

Parody Written by:

Michael Pacholek

The Lyrics

New Jersey just got socked with another big snowstorm. So why is Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi of the TV show "Jersey Shore" still tan? Must've spent more time in a tanning tube than Michael Jackson spent in that hyperbaric chamber... which, now that I think about it, may have had the opposite effect!
(The Dandy Tan!)
(Hey, Dandy Tan!)

All right, kids, gather 'round, the Dandy Tan's here!
What kind of tan do you want?
An old actor?
A young drunk?
The Speaker of the House?
Any kind of tan you want?
You've come to the right man because
I'm the Dandy Tan!

Who can take an actor?
(Who can take an actor?)
Named George Hamilton?
(Named George Hamilton?)
Make you love him at first bite?
I've left him out in sun!
The Dandy Tan!
(The Dandy Tan!)
Whoa, the Dandy Tan can!
(Whoa, the Dandy Tan can!)

The Dandy Tan can
'cause he fixes up the tube
and makes the world look good!
(Makes the world look good!)

Whoa, who can take Miss Snooki?
(Who can take Miss Snooki?)
Stick her in the trunk?
(Stick her in the trunk?)
And have her looking groovy
even when she's fall-down drunk?

The Dandy Tan!
(The Dandy Tan!)
Whoa, the Dandy Tan can!
(Whoa, the Dandy Tan can!)

The Dandy Tan can
'cause he fixes up the tube
and makes the world look good!
(Makes the world look good!)

(The Dandy Tan takes
everyone and bakes
'til they're done up nice and golden!)

Even if career is moldin'
you're a sight to be beholdin'!

Whoa, who can take the Speaker?
(Who can take the Speaker?)
Republican in House?
(Republican in House?)
Tan him up so you won't know
he's such a right-wing louse!
The Dandy Tan!
(The Dandy Tan!)
Whoa, the Dandy Tan can!
(Whoa, the Dandy Tan can!)

The Dandy Tan can
'cause he fixes up the tube
and makes the world look good!
(Makes the world look good!)

(The Dandy Tan takes
everyone and bakes
'til they're done up nice and golden!)

Even if career is moldin'
you're a sight to be beholdin'!

Whoa, who can take the Speaker?
(Who can take the Speaker?)
Republican in House?
(Republican in House?)
Tan him up so you won't know
he's such a right-wing louse!
The Dandy Tan!
(The Dandy Tan!)
Whoa, the Dandy Tan can!
(Whoa, the Dandy Tan can!)

The Dandy Tan can
'cause he fixes up the tube
and makes the world look good!
(Makes the world look good!)

Yes, the Dandy Tan can
'cause he fixes up the tube
and makes the world look good!
(Makes the world look good!)

The Dandy Tan! The Dandy Tan! The Dandy Tan!
(Makes the world look good!)
The Dandy Tan! The Dandy Tan! The Dandy Tan!
(Makes the world look good!)
The Dandy Tan! The Dandy Tan! The Dandy Tan!
(Makes the world look good!)
(repeat 'til fade -- or until the tan fades)
I was going to use a word other than "golden," but, as Red Ant taught us, nothing rhymes with "orange." And, in all fairness, John Boehner said the right things after the Tucson massacre, so credit to him for that. So did John McCain, who remains as pale as ever. Refresh my memory: Which of those men is from Ohio, and which is from Arizona?

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 3.8
How Funny: 3.9
Overall Rating: 4.0

Total Votes: 9

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
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 2   1
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 3   0
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 4   0
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User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Old Man Ribber - January 14, 2011 - Report this comment
Michael - Good job. To use a 60's slang phrase, you did this up brown! Thick as my skin is (from trading witty barbs with you and some of the best), it burns rather than tans. Because of this, some progressive people call me "alabaster" (at least I THINK that's what they're calling me!). ;D
John Barry - January 14, 2011 - Report this comment
Title o' the day.
AFW - January 14, 2011 - Report this comment
As the famous speech impeded celebrity, Tweety Bird, might say, "If you tan't wite a tanning pawody, nobody tan"
Patrick - January 14, 2011 - Report this comment
As white boys go, I'm whiter than most. Some say I even look like a ghost. Is it because I'm Irish? Hell if I know. Maybe I'm just part albino. John Boehner even managed to find a formula that won't run when he sweats, or when he cries.
TJC - January 14, 2011 - Report this comment
Nice one Michael--Snookie shore is tan!
Meriadoc - January 14, 2011 - Report this comment
There is really a person named "Snooki"? I must get out more...
squire malloy - January 15, 2011 - Report this comment
how is boehner not pronounced boner? Plus, it would rhyme with moaner, making his lachrymose behavior more understandable
Michael Pacholek - January 16, 2011 - Report this comment
Thanks, everyone. OMR: Alabaster? Alabaster is white, not a sun-induced color. Which you would know if you knew the other verses to “America the Beautiful.” Some patriot YOU are! (LOL) AFW: How true, my fine feathered friend. (I wish there was a definitive spelling to the “raspberry” sound so I could really capture Sylvester’s speech.) Merry: Sadly, Snooki is real, and she’s here. (Not inside the room, thank God and MasterLock, just inside the State.) But she’s not all there. Squire: In English, a truly weird language (but it’s the only one I’ve got), “oe” is pronounced “ay.” But bonus points to you for using “lachrymose,” a great word we don’t see very often. Maybe people are lachrymose-intolerant.

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