Song Parodies -> I'm Not a Fan
| Original Song Title: | "The Candyman" |
| Original Performer: | Sammy Davis Jr. |
| Parody Song Title: | "I'm Not a Fan" |
| Parody Written by: | Arwen |
Just a couple of "deal-breakers" when it comes to the opposite sex...
Don't bathe in your co-logne
A sprinkle will do
You don't need to douse it--makes you smell worse than the zoo
I'm not a fan
I'm not a fan, man
I'm not a fan, man, they can smell you in Japan
And you know that ain't good
Don't tell me you want to
Cuddle J-Lo's thigh
Then get all annoyed when I talk to another guy
I'm not a fan
I'm not a fan, man
I'm not a fan, man, let me do the things you can
I hope I'm understood
A fan you won't make, with these huge mistakes
Don't be jealous or suspicious
If I could have just three wishes
I'd want a guy who'd do the dishes
Oh, don't cover a bald spot
Combing over hair
If you do, you won't find me around you anywhere
I'm not a fan
I'm not a fan, man
I'm not a fan, man, and I'll never hold your hand
Don't think an-y girl should
A fan you won't make, slamming on the brakes
And you'd better be judicious
I want someone who's ambitious
Sorry if I'm sounding vicious
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Don't call me your girlfriend
Tell your folks we date
Don't use me to cover so your family thinks you're straight
I'm not a fan
I'm not a fan, man
I'm not a fan, man; neither is your boyfriend Dan
He feels misunderstood
No, I'm not a fan, man, and I gotta make demands
To find a man that's good
A sprinkle will do
You don't need to douse it--makes you smell worse than the zoo
I'm not a fan
I'm not a fan, man
I'm not a fan, man, they can smell you in Japan
And you know that ain't good
Don't tell me you want to
Cuddle J-Lo's thigh
Then get all annoyed when I talk to another guy
I'm not a fan
I'm not a fan, man
I'm not a fan, man, let me do the things you can
I hope I'm understood
A fan you won't make, with these huge mistakes
Don't be jealous or suspicious
If I could have just three wishes
I'd want a guy who'd do the dishes
Oh, don't cover a bald spot
Combing over hair
If you do, you won't find me around you anywhere
I'm not a fan
I'm not a fan, man
I'm not a fan, man, and I'll never hold your hand
Don't think an-y girl should
A fan you won't make, slamming on the brakes
And you'd better be judicious
I want someone who's ambitious
Sorry if I'm sounding vicious
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Don't call me your girlfriend
Tell your folks we date
Don't use me to cover so your family thinks you're straight
I'm not a fan
I'm not a fan, man
I'm not a fan, man; neither is your boyfriend Dan
He feels misunderstood
No, I'm not a fan, man, and I gotta make demands
To find a man that's good
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User Comments Follow...
Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.
ha ha - funny, Arwen "I'm not a fan, man, they can smell you in Japan" very tight - 555
Boy howdy! This is unbelievably good! "They can smell you in Japan" is priceless. And the last verse had me apoplectic with glee...super! 555
excellent, Arwen
Brilliant work as usual--very well rhymed and paced, and the no-holds-barred criticism contrasts beautifully with the childlike sickly-sweetness (no pun intended) of the original song. Fives all round!
I'm a fan...5's
Sweet parody. I, too, loved the Japan line.
This smells wonderful. Great lines all over. I'm gonna stalk you in my walker....soon as my hip replacement heals up. 555
I love love love love love this! Amen!!!
Stuart: Thank you very very much! I really appreciate your comments! You're new aren't you? Welcome welcome welcome!
Kristof: 187 points for using the phrase "Boy Howdy!" Thank you very much, you S.A.B!! I'm really glad to have you back!
Royce: Thanks a lot!
Ingeborg: I really appreciate the "brilliant as usual" bit...nice to know I've established a standard for myself...thanks!
Airfaceone: And you know...a girl is only as good as her fans...or...something like that. Hee hee! Thanks!!
John Barry: Thanks thanks thanks! I thought the boyfriend Dan line would get more props...but I'm glad the Japan thing went over well!!
Dee: You can stalk me all you want! Thanks, buddy!!
Ashkicksass: I love love love love love that you love it!! Thanks, babe!!!
Kristof: 187 points for using the phrase "Boy Howdy!" Thank you very much, you S.A.B!! I'm really glad to have you back!
Royce: Thanks a lot!
Ingeborg: I really appreciate the "brilliant as usual" bit...nice to know I've established a standard for myself...thanks!
Airfaceone: And you know...a girl is only as good as her fans...or...something like that. Hee hee! Thanks!!
John Barry: Thanks thanks thanks! I thought the boyfriend Dan line would get more props...but I'm glad the Japan thing went over well!!
Dee: You can stalk me all you want! Thanks, buddy!!
Ashkicksass: I love love love love love that you love it!! Thanks, babe!!!
I'm not gay, my boyfriend Dan is... Very clever Arwen, great parody.
"Now don't get me wrong, yeah I think you're alright."
"But that won't keep me warm while I'm here at Amiright, yeah."
"Now don't get me wrong, yeah I think you're alright."
"But that won't keep me warm while I'm here at Amiright, yeah."
Good one! 5-5-5.
Thanks 2nzy! Nice Shania reference...=)
And thanks to you, too, Ellipsis!
And thanks to you, too, Ellipsis!
This one had me laughing out loud...never a good thing to do at work, oh well! It's funny enough to get written up for! 5s from me!
Oh Ravyn! What a compliment! I know I try to keep to the "silent shake" while I'm at work...but sometimes you HAVE to laugh out loud. So glad I could provide that release for you!! Thanks!
Brilliant Arwen...parody of the day
Does this mean he's NOT "too sexy for Milan, New York and Japan"? But make your man wash the dishes? That lets me out. Here in the 21st Century, we have these amazing machines called dishwashers.
Great stuff :-) 5's
Billy: Thanks, buddy!! =) =) =)
Mister Pacholek: When I say "do the dishes," I MEAN loading and unloading the dishwasher. I HATE doing that. Seriously.
Adam: Thank you very much. I appreciate it! =)
Mister Pacholek: When I say "do the dishes," I MEAN loading and unloading the dishwasher. I HATE doing that. Seriously.
Adam: Thank you very much. I appreciate it! =)
Thanks for the welcome Arwen - I love this site, and your parodies (and you) are refreshingly personable and cool....
Oh Stuart! You've been here a week and you're already hip to the "Arwen is the most refreshingly personable and cool chick this side of Rivendell" vibe that's floating around? ; ) You ARE astute!
Seriously though...thank you VERY much for a lovely compliment.
Seriously though...thank you VERY much for a lovely compliment.
i bow to your greatness..this is excellent
Alvin...come on...stand up! You're embarrassing me! Heehee...I'm totally blushing! Thank you very very much!
Oh how humiliating! I typoed/misspelled Airfarceone's name up there...SORRY!!
ah, see what I mean?? you go girl
Super, Arwen. Too many good lines to pick out just one :-)
Thanks so much, Phil! I honestly just threw this one together the other night before I went to bed...maybe I should stop TRYING so hard the rest of the time...=)
Those are often the ones that work best: when you have to rack your brains for every other line, they never flow quite as well. Recently I've taken to leaving unfinished anything I can't polish off in a few minutes (with one or two exceptions), but jotting down some ideas to go with. Then every so often I review the half-finished bunch and there's usually something that jumps out at me.
Phil, for my whole parody writing life that's how I've been. And, for the most part, that's still how I am. I'll be driving along and a line will hit me...and I just kind of build around it. By the time I get back to my office, or home...or to a random laptop that I can snake from an unsuspecting cafe customer who's gotten up to get a refill...I've basically got the whole thing written in my head.
Still...every once in a while...when I hit a little writer's block...I find myself trying too hard. And I'm just very recently coming out of a funk like that...
Still...every once in a while...when I hit a little writer's block...I find myself trying too hard. And I'm just very recently coming out of a funk like that...
This makes me want to cuddle J. Lo's thigh.
Fine, bastard. But I'm TOTALLY talking to another guy later...
Hey, Arwen! Great parody! I missed it last week cause I was feeling sick; I'm all better now. Anyways, I give this parody a perfect score. :)
I'm so glad to hear you're feeling better, Serafina! And thank you very much for the vote! =)
Wow, great! Gee, Arwen, your parody writing is of such high quality, I wish we could see more quantity, too.
P.S. What Spaff said.
P.S. What Spaff said.
Aww...thanks, Johnny! All I can say is that if I try too hard to submit more than I'm already submitting, I fear that the submissions will suck. And then...you'll all be saying..."Yeah, Arwen...I'm not a fan!"
I'll always be a fan of my favorite pointy-eared Princess.... :-)
If you can polish up old stuff like this then I so no reason for taking the dishes out of your hands.
Phew! Thanks, K1!!
SOTM Good one.
Thank, Adagio...
Totally missed this when it came out. This was great: "If I could have just three wishes I'd want a guy who'd do the dishes" My wife loved this line (and when I do the dishes)...what were the other three wishes? Also, I agree on the quantity/quality thing =)
Oh Jeff...you really know how to ask the hard questions, don't you? Bastard. Um...3 wishes...
1. Looks like Vin Diesel
2. Sings like Kenny Chesney
3. Um...Does Dishes like Alice from The Brady Bunch??
1. Looks like Vin Diesel
2. Sings like Kenny Chesney
3. Um...Does Dishes like Alice from The Brady Bunch??
I revisited the horizontal carpeted surface below my feet.
Oh Arnold...I mean Luke! You're just so dog gone adorable!! Thanks!
SOTM-Nice work! 15 spritzes of cologne for you! I'll use it lightly so you don't smell it in Japan, hehe
(SOTM) FANtastic.
(SOTM) Loved it first time...loved it again
Oct SOTM -- Love it!
Awww...my SOTM visitors...Ash, Guy, Kristof and Melhi...thanks a bunch!!
My feminine side loves this.
Hee hee! Thanks, Rick!
(SOTM) Good stuff...
Great stuff. And just so you know, I do all the dishes at my house. Plus I can sing like Vin Diesel. (he can't sing, right?)
Thanks Agri!
Claude...you know, this might make you (and many others) cringe...but being the obsessive entertainment news hound that I am...I have to break it to you that I read a while ago that Vin REALLY wants to re-make "Guys and Dolls." That's right...dancing and singing...and you KNOW I'd watch it! I've heard him sing. I'm not complaining. But then...he could cough and I'd probably think it was sexy...
Claude...you know, this might make you (and many others) cringe...but being the obsessive entertainment news hound that I am...I have to break it to you that I read a while ago that Vin REALLY wants to re-make "Guys and Dolls." That's right...dancing and singing...and you KNOW I'd watch it! I've heard him sing. I'm not complaining. But then...he could cough and I'd probably think it was sexy...
I bet he does the damn dishes too. Bastard.
I really don't know about that. But he IS a Bastard. All the people that I truly love are...
yet again .. another winner! love this one .. and well done for elaborating on the detail of the dishes point!!
(SOTM) my god, look at all the votes!
my appreciation of this parody has already been registered - hardly knew you then!!
my appreciation of this parody has already been registered - hardly knew you then!!
(SOTM) See above!
Some very funny lines in there, Arwen!
Thanks a bunch, Martha, Stuart, Johnny and Pippin!
SOTM. Great parody...see above vote and comment :-)
Thanks for stopping by again, Dee! =)
I'm still a fan.
P.S. What Johnny D said.
P.S. What Johnny D said.
Me too
P.S. Me too
P.S. Me too
Thanks.
Nerds.
Nerds.
Still excellent, I should read more of your stuff sometime =)
(SOTM) Gee, my 'masculine side' just wilted... ;-D
Thanks, Arwen and Merry!
And I am an idiot.
I MEANT Jeff and Merry!!
I MEANT Jeff and Merry!!
Very well done, Arwen, but I'm curious about how you learned about all of these male imperfections. I'm certain that the men in your life do not have bald spots to cover over or exhibit any of the other flaws described in your parody.
(SOTM)...but what do you really think? Greatstuff...5's...
Oh John...I've seen lots of movies about loser guys. That's how I know that they exist. You are right that I have never encountered one on my own. And I have NEVER gone on a date with one. Because I am the Queen of Perfectville...; ) Thanks!
Hee! Thanks, Paul!
Hee! Thanks, Paul!
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