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Song Parodies -> "Escape (The Trapped By Cannibals Song)"

Original Song Title:

"Escape (The Pina Colada Song)"

Original Performer:

Rupert Holmes

Parody Song Title:

"Escape (The Trapped By Cannibals Song)"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

“Need a rest, somewhere shady”
Those were the words that I said
Found a good spot according
To my jungle guide, Ted
But while we lay there nappin’
Somebody picked up our scent
We woke surrounded by natives
To eat us they were intent

And now they’re boilin’ some water
And me with ropes they restrain
That one threw in an onion
And said, “I call her brain!”
They’ll make a sacrifice at midnight
And I’ll BE in bad shape
Say, “How long should she cook for?”
Need to PLAN an escape!


So now I’m goin' through my choices
I don’t want TO be cuisine
Keep hearin' hun-gry VOI-ces
They’re asking, “Which of these wines goes well with spleen?”
Still I try not to panic
Though Ted is really no help
‘Cause when they said, “He looks tender!”
He just passed out with a yelp

And while the fire’s gettin' hotter
They searched my purse on a whim
Now they see me as health food
Found my pass to Gold’s Gym
If I leave now it wouldn’t be too soon
As at my bi-ceps they gape
They rejoice through the valley
As I PLAN my escape


So I strain ‘gainst these tight ropes
Fin’lly I slip the knot
The steaming BU-cket of gravy’s
The only WEA-pon I’ve got
And so I toss it with anger
And scream, “I’m…not your stew!”
Though they stare for a moment
Then I run; and they pursue

They’re eager now for the slaughter
'Cause half their DIN-ner has fled
And they keep gettin' closer
So I’m STILL filled with dread
They’ll keep chasin' me through the whole night
So en-TICED by my shape
I’m the meal that they’ve looked for
They won’t LET me escape


Can’t say Hakuna Matata
Because they’re HOT on my trail
Climb a tree for protection?
No my BA-lance would fail
At dodging blow darts I’ve done alright
But I’ll POP like a grape
When they catch me I’m done for
No more PLANS for escape

(repeat to fade)

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 

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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.8
How Funny: 4.7
Overall Rating: 4.7

Total Votes: 28

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   1
 3   0
 4   2
 5   25

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

John Barry - April 08, 2009 - Report this comment
Fine example of parodistic storytelling.
Arwen - April 08, 2009 - Report this comment
Hey John...thanks a bunch. =)

As for the low's totally fine if you don't like the parody...I'm not offended. But do you honestly think your votes hold any water if you refuse to leave a comment? That's just lame. You could give me 20 sets of triple 1s...(or triple 5s, for that matter)...but without a means nothing. Thanks for stopping by though.
Matthias - April 08, 2009 - Report this comment
I agree with John this one had some fantastic storytelling and I loved that you had the word, "Hakuna Matata" in there. All in all great stuff.
2Eagle - April 08, 2009 - Report this comment
Well! Talk about bad taste! - from The Producers. 5's
Ash - April 08, 2009 - Report this comment
HOLY MOLY! This one is on fire. I am always so blown away by your talent, Arwen, but this one really takes the cake. And this song is a really hard one to parody. This was funny, entertaining, funny, and clever as all get out. You just need to say "EAT ME" to the people who gave the low marks. They obviously have no taste.
Andria - April 08, 2009 - Report this comment
I loved the parody, Arwen, but would choose to starve to death if faced with the decision to eat human flesh or starve. I obviously wouldn't be of any use to the Donner Party except as a source of food, but your parody is an excellent source of laughs and 5s.
Christie Marie M - April 08, 2009 - Report this comment
One of my fave OS! :) I was thinking of this movie "National Lampoons Loaded Weapon One", where Sergeant Colt asks Dr. Leacher what human flesh tastes like, and Dr. Leacher tells him that it tastes like chicken. I also made a statement that if my dog and I were stranded on a desert island and if I died, I would let my dog eat me so that she could survive. Anyways, great parody you wrote and sounds very adventurous and realistic. It's all good! 555!
Dreaded Mom - April 08, 2009 - Report this comment
Very clever and refreshing, since the original is so over sweeet. Fun to read.
alvin - April 08, 2009 - Report this comment
my fave of the day...especially liked "i call her brain"
malcolm higgins - April 09, 2009 - Report this comment
awesome as always Arwen.. methinks there are a few males here whose thoughts of eating you up are taken to the nth here.. great take on the OS which sucked lyrically!
Arwen - April 09, 2009 - Report this comment
Matty...I have to throw the Disney references in whenever I can. Only 7 days until I'm in Disneyland...=) I'll think of you while I'm on the Jungle Cruise! Thanks!!

2Eagle...hee hee...thanks!

Ash...=) Thanks a bunch, Darling Girl. Your comments always totally make my day! and me both, on the eating human flesh thing. Bleah! Thanks for stopping by!

Christie MM...Thanks very much!

Dreaded Mom...I'm glad you had fun! Thanks so much!

Alvin...well, I'm honored. Thanks!!

Malcolm...hee! Thank you, Sir!
Melanie Lee - April 21, 2009 - Report this comment
Yum, yum...hey, pass me another funny bone, there! 5-5-5.
bobpiecheese - April 22, 2009 - Report this comment
(Ages2) It's amazing how a dark subject such as cannibalism can become truly hilarious in the right hands. Some great lines in here, particularly "Which of these wines goes well with spleen?” (Spleen is an funny word). 555 for you!
Glen S - April 22, 2009 - Report this comment
Bitter sweet here. Sweet because this parody is pretty sweet with some great internal storytelling, and also good OS internal rhyme matches and an excellent rhyme scheme as always. Bitter, because I was hoping I wouldn't be the only one representing LOTR in this tourney. I guess you're going the way of Merry and Pippin (who I found out don't care for LOTR parodies much, which is interesting). Just don't go forgetting your roots on me.
Invisible Boy - April 22, 2009 - Report this comment
Fantastic, superb storytelling here, Arwen.
"Now they see me as health food Found my pass to Gold’s Gym" stood out for me.
I love your device of using CAPS to denote the accented syllables. I'd use it, but you invented it...
Jeff Reuben - April 22, 2009 - Report this comment
I don't know what I was thinking when I gave those 1s...from two separate computers even :) Just kidding. Awesome parody. Going back to your LOTR wagon I see.
Below Average Dave - April 22, 2009 - Report this comment
Gape/Escape was a great rhyme, I really love the style in which you wrote this piece, and enjoyed it immensely.
Arwen - April 23, 2009 - Report this comment
Melanie...hee hee...thanks!

BPC...I have to agree...some words are just funnier than others, and spleen IS one of them. Thanks very much!

2nz...!!!! (Within those exclamation points lies my face of utter disbelief.) FORGET MY ROOTS? NEVER!!! Just you wait, Mister. Like...until tomorrow. You'll see. (and thanks.)

Invisible Boy...=) Thanks. That was a favorite line of mine, as well...glad you liked it. And thanks, too, for complimenting my style. I never get tired of compliments. ; ) are a jerk. 1 giver. =( Actually...good thing you're kidding, or I'd REALLY be mad. Not sure about the LOTR reference, though. I'm not jumping back on that wagon until tomorrow.

BAD...Thanks very much!
Mark Scotti - May 15, 2009 - Report this comment
SOTM - I can't believe I missed this one. This was hilarious, Arwen!
Leo Keough - May 17, 2009 - Report this comment
SOTM - Echo bobpiecheese's comments...'well done'...555!
Peter Andersson - May 22, 2009 - Report this comment
You're not Health Food, running like that you're Fast Food...
Matthias (SOTM) - May 29, 2009 - Report this comment
Reminds me of the time when I worked on the Jungle Cruise ride at Walt Disney World, and anything that can bring up memories of that joyous time in my life instantly gets 5's and maybe even high points in the SOTM.
bobpiecheese - May 29, 2009 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Holy crap, someone echoed my comments? That's a new one on me. Anyway, see above, extra 555, you know the deal.
Claude Prez - May 30, 2009 - Report this comment
Mmmm, now I'm hungry.... others have quoted the best lines already but the Hakuna Matata one was my fave. Great story.
Glen S - May 30, 2009 - Report this comment
Still solid. And you proved me wrong after all with your LOTR parody. Well done
Phil Alexander - May 31, 2009 - Report this comment
:-) Wonderful stuff, Arwen.. I guess you must have got away, otherwise you'd not be around to write the song...

Security code XXY... that's like Middlesex, isn't it?
Below Average Dave - May 31, 2009 - Report this comment
(SOTM) THis was very funny Arwen--kinda reminded me of a scene from the Chipmunk movie--but even more funny and well thought out, great job.
Invisible Boy - May 31, 2009 - Report this comment
Still love it Arwen. It was a joy to read again.
Jeff Reuben - May 31, 2009 - Report this comment
Great to see this again, well done!
Arwen - May 31, 2009 - Report this comment
Mark...I'm always happy to have folks come by....better late than never! Thanks!

Leo...thanks very much! K1...hehehe...thanks!
Matty...I'd like to remind you of the Jungle Cruise as often as I can...because pretty much anything related to those Disney theme parks makes me grin. =) BPC...thanks a ton! Claude...hehe...thanks! 2nz...proving men wrong is pretty much my favorite thing to do. =) Thanks!
Phil...yeah, I squeaked away...thanks!
BAD...=) Thanks very much! it as often as you'd like...I aim to please! Thanks!

Arwen - June 01, 2009 - Report this comment
What the crap is with all the non spacing between my lines? How annoying!! I mean, I'm sure it's something that I did...but still, I'm irritated.
Michael Pacholek - July 13, 2009 - Report this comment
I've been a bad boy: Here, Arwen's written another classic, and I took until now to notice. I'm just eating my heart out!
Mark Scotti - March 02, 2010 - Report this comment
(SOTY) Really "ate" up the artistry on this one!
Agrimorfee - March 03, 2010 - Report this comment
(SOTY) The only thing I dind't like about this was that we don't know if the narrator got away! (well, I guess they did!). Nice job.
Invisible Boy - March 31, 2010 - Report this comment
Still a fave of mine. See above...
EmiLoca - April 08, 2010 - Report this comment
Glad you got out of this sticky situation and had the courage to write about it. Cannibalism is one of my favorite funny -isms and you have captured it perfectly. And escaped. Yeah, I'm just gonna stop trying to be funny in my comments now. Yeah. I'll... stop.
DJ Blaze - April 09, 2010 - Report this comment
WOW. Cannibals are always a menace. Fantastic as usual. 555
Below Average Dave - April 11, 2010 - Report this comment
See above x2

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