Took a tumble, stoved my finger, girl eloped with some old swinger
Tummy's fat and thighs are heavy, seared the rings in my new Chevy
Brakes are squeezy, balding tires, old hair dryer, hair caught fire
No promotion, no hot passion, sleep alone (so out of fashion)
Got me rabies, gotta clot, and prim and slim, alas, was notter
Daughter's hookin', sister’s whorin’, bit unbalanced, (rest is borin’)
Tickets issued, tore pyjamas, flubbed a contest (won a llama)
Girl called Mary said I tarried, stayed apart but should’ve married
Jimmy veered when backin’ up and cat was flattened; blood I’m moppin'

Life is a crock and it brings me no jollies
Leaves me spurned and un-prouder, dud my Maker sold me
Life is a crock by the way it controls me
And it sent me insane so; existence just a folly

Christmas present, pogo stick an’ back got crocked, need walkin’ stick an’
Phone’s a roamin’, high taxation, bent ‘it’ during masturbation
Harley riders threats are bolder, Rolling Stones keep gettin’ older
Got cirrhosis of the liver, drinking’s how it was delivered
Thunder’s scary, heat was fleeting, rain it poured - got soggy - very
Got hooked on a sightly stripper, was a guy, so locked my zipper
Got no sweat glands, so I swelter, I.R.S. found my tax shelter
Didn’t make those stolen bases, got picked off in open spaces
Mustn’t for-get that I’ll kick it, really suck when playin’ cricket

Life is a crock – I’m afraid it’s so
Life is a crock – I’m afraid it’s so ... true !

Heart jumps as my wife is screamin', gawkin’ at my hidden hosieries
Rhubarb jam and ‘normous okras got mixed in with all my groceries
Grade ‘A’ male, I blew my top, got punched so keen and me got shiner
Trading blows with Ku Klux Klan in stinking crowded sleazy diners
Freezing winter, boiling summers, winds in March and Autumn’s wandered
On vacation spied Osama, bleedin’ shotgun jammed (a bummer)
Missed taxation took my condo, VCR’s stuck on Jane Fonda
Got a tighter honey, funny, fleeced me, took me for my money
Hurricane tore off my gutters, came back ‘round and got my shutters

Life is a crock and it brings me no jollies – no no no
Leaves me spurned and un-prouder, dud my Maker sold me
Life is a crock by the way it controls me
And it sent me insane so; existence just a folly
Listen, I tells ya, it’s playing out wrong
Talkin’, squawkin’ - no one heeds me, running off when I am speaking
Vicious women; Pop’s a junkie; Mary Tyler-Moore is spunky?

(Wanna make it righter...)