In the tanning salon
Just want to turn black there
In the tanning salon
Hope I can turn black there
I'm as white as glue
And chalk too

If a man ever needed tanning I did
No one could call me white - they have to just say I'm ghostly
I'd like to have more muscles but just mostly
I'd like to be more umber
In tanning bed I'll slumber

In the tanning salon
First I'll fry my back there
In the tanning salon
Still white's my butt crack there
I'm as white as glue
And chalk too

It hurts to see how pasty I've become
In the office never see the morning sunshine on my skin
When I emerge from here I'll look so masculine
For the first time I will be
Golden brown like fine turkey gravy

In the tanning salon
Won't hide in a Mack there
In the tanning salon
Color I won't lack there
No more white as glue
Or chalk too

I hear it's better to avoid the sun
Heard those ultra-violet rays will fry you through and kill you dead
I don't care - I'll just simmer in this tanning bed
Don't wanna be pale and wan son
Just want to be nicely bronzen

In the tanning salon
White as Jacques Chirac there
In the tanning salon
Crawled out from my rock there
I'll have a fine hue
I'll shock you