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Song Parodies -> "Moe’s-Beatin’-’em Rapsody [sic]"

Original Song Title:

"Bohemian Rhapsody"

Original Performer:


Parody Song Title:

"Moe’s-Beatin’-’em Rapsody [sic]"

Parody Written by:

John A. Barry

The Lyrics

Unfortunately, I can’t find the original John Carman column, in which he wrote about how the French love for Jerry Lewis had extended to Les Trois Imbeciles (The Three Stooges). In that langue-en-joue piece, Carman posited that in Freudian terms, Moe represents the superego, Larry the ego, and Curly the id. This page in the Web sort of alludes to the column, which appears lost to the ether. It’s not in the “Chronicle” archives, and I contacted Carman a few years ago; even he did have a record of the piece!
This is the reel life
Of two-reel comedy
That has two slapped guys
Who are named Curly and Larry.
Poking in their eyes,
The high poobah, Moe; he
Sure cuffs those poor boys (poor boys) and shows no empathy:
He doles out beatings, eyes, beatings, nose,
Hits ’em high, hits ’em low—
They’re the id, the ego, superego, respectively.

Moe never killed a man,
But he’s punched ’em in the head,
So his pals view him with dread.
Moe rarely gets a crunch,
But when he does, it’s retribution day.

Manic dude: “Woo-woo-woo!”
Ironically, he’s small fry,
Younger bro’ of Moe, Shemp with forehead furrows.
Banging on, banging on is Moe atop their gray matter.

His “Woo” mate is kinda dumb;
His voice a high-pitched whine,
Body achin’. . .Moe’s unkind.
Got a heavy body, but don’t move slow. . .
Getting beatings all the time for ways uncouth,
Maunders “Woo-woo-woo-woo!”
(Curly is the k/id bro.)
He might throw a pie,
With lots of creamy custard adorn them all.

We see a big and silly fellow with the chant
Starts with “Woo,” starts with “Woo,” “Woo-woo-woo!”
This man’s rant goes.
Plumper dolt then’s biting very very frighteningly.

Gal to lay? No! Gal to lay? No!
Gal to lay? No! Gal to lay? No!
Gal to lay? No! Frigging? No!
Glam chicks nix schmoe.

Then there’s the dour boy whose name is Larry,
Perhaps a dour boy. . .not in the family,*
But sometimes rife with much pomposity.
Weasly one, weasly schmoe. . .also decked by Moe.

Chinchilla, the “ego” is decked by Moe,
Decked by Moe, Chinchilla-like fur, he’s decked by Moe,
Decked by Moe, Chin-chiller punch hurts, he’s decked by Moe,
Decked by blows from Moe, decked by Moe
The feckless schmoe is decked by Moe, decked by Moe.
“No mo’, Moe; no, Moe, no mo’!”

Oh, Moe’s a meanie, Moe’s a meanie; moaning is each perceived foe.
Beats well his buds
For their devilish and snide repartee,

[bridge-of-nose blow]

“So, you think you can poke your finger in my eye?!
So, you think you can club me and I won’t reply?!!
There’s no way that I will not join the fray—
Just gotta hit snouts, just gotta hit smiled mout’s. . .here!!!”

[hit hard, Moe’s blows]


Conking beans, gray matter
Of Curly, Larry;
Conking beans, gray matter, conking lean and fatter—

Anyway, a chin blow.

*Moe, Shemp, and Curly Howard (né Horwitz) were brothers. Larry Fine (né Louis Feinberg) was unrelated.

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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.7
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 4.9

Total Votes: 7

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   1
 4   0
 5   6

User Comments

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Wild Child JIN - June 28, 2011 - Report this comment
(Moe To Curly:) "I outta beat your brains in and I think I will!" BONK!!! :-D Great Job John! 5's! :-)
Rob Arndt - June 28, 2011 - Report this comment
Love the Stooges- great job, especially with the brothers info. I remember one hospital episode with Moe, Curly, and Larry where the intercom blared, "Calling Dr. Howard, Dr. Fine, Dr. Howard" and was puzzled by that until I found-out!!! 555
Patrick - June 28, 2011 - Report this comment
Used to watch the Stooges every afternoon on local kids show. One day Curly disappeared and was replaced by this Shemp fellow. We discussed this at school the next day, wondering what has happened. We didn't know at the time that Curly had died some 10 years earlier, and that we were seeing some rather ancient material. We thought at the time that the Stooges were making those shows just for us. Read Moe Howard's biography for some great insights into these geniuses in the art of making people laugh.
Old Man Ribber - June 28, 2011 - Report this comment
JAB - Am I hooked on The Stooges? Soitenly! As you may know...Larry, Moe, and Shemp (later replaced by Curley) got their break as foils for vaudevillian Ted Healy. Masterful work here! "Why I Oughtta"...give you three fives, you knucklehead! ;D
Below Average Dave - June 28, 2011 - Report this comment
I was kinda expecting a tribute to the Simpsons character, but this was better than that likely would have been (after all the title was about beating, not being intelligently stupid (a term that sounds oxymoron in nature but totally fits The Simpsons Moe)) At any rate, good job on this epic Queen classic. . .
John Barry - June 28, 2011 - Report this comment
Thanks, Stooges fans.
Rob Arndt - June 29, 2011 - Report this comment
Gentleman to Larry: If I gave you a dollar and your father gave you a dollar, how much would you have? Larry: A dollar. Gentleman: You don't know your math! Larry: You don't know my father!!!
LilCupCakes - July 01, 2011 - Report this comment
Captain Jack, I always admired and waited for those delightful "sound effects' ! . . especially the twisting of the grissle of Curley's nose by BroMoe !
norCalVotress - July 01, 2011 - Report this comment
just a note: Ernie FINE, the grand nephew of Larry Fine, lives up in Mendocino county, where he sells real estate and is a part time Vintner!

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