They were numbered thirty-nine
When I counted cans of beer
Not a one was Mountain Dew
And my dress was down, there were magazines of porn
And I didn't know where I'd been
Boy, that party I'd regret
There were cameras on a set
And I watched the TV there
That drunkenly naughty night
Mailed across the internet
That the world, peer to peer, could file share

You can see me ball
I put many beers away
And I wondered "Who is he?"
And though I was yelling loud
I did not feel very proud
There's a crowd my grandchildren might see

Since the night of "thirty-nine"
I have given up the booze
And no more beers did come my way
For I was not amused
By my foray into porn
And the quick cash fast went away
Now I'm getting old and gray
And I still recall the day
When I made something to see
Oh, once I was really fit
But I have to say that it
Wasn't wise, there's still guys, come to me

"Yes, I saw you ball
Though was many years ago
But I still remember you
You were better than my hand
In your heyday you were grand
I'm a man who's a fan of the 'blue'"

Yes, I did it all
Though was many years ago
It's a day I often rue
I was spread across the land
And I only made a grand
Now my life, looking back, slutty me