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Song Parodies -> "Ain't Meat"

Original Song Title:

"Amy"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Pure Prairie League

Parody Song Title:

"Ain't Meat"

Parody Written by:

John A. Barry

The Lyrics

I can't eat this slime; it taste so wrong to me.
I gotta have some wine to drink;
I'll quaff from a full glass, drip on myself.
It ain't top-shelf; it tastes like smelt,
But it's called "Rhône."
It helps to mask this mass that resembles cornpone.

Ain't meat--what’s this stuff I chew?
I think it tastes like tofu.
It's so vile. . .there's lots of it in my stew.

I think that the time is right for me to find
What is swimming in this slop,
Merged with cumin and thyme
And bay leaves,
If there were meat in here, I'd spy a stew bone.
The vile taste is complemented by a pong
(I've a strong urge for the heaves).

Ain't meat--what’s this stuff I chew?
I think it tastes like a stew
Stuffed with vials of cyanide used for eu[thanasia].

(ocarina solo)

Smell now.
Ain't meat--what’s this stuff I chew?
I would rather chance fugu
Shipped for miles by fishmongers in Fuchu.

But this comestible crap had slid all way
Down toward my calling colon, and my face is turnin' gray.
I'm on the seat,
About to evacuate this horrid treat.
It sounds like a drum-,
Or should I say "bumbeat"?
I wish you had cooked me some meat.

Ain't meat; must be legume stew.
My chink is making a moue--
Backside smile's there no longer. . .
Longin' for the loo.

Wet trou.
An'lly--it is rumblin' through
Unkinked intestinal slough.
Scores my piles as it tumbles in the loo.

Fallin' is an outhouse dump, a slew.
Fallin' from a rout-out rump, a slough.
Don't know why I ate tofu. It keeps
Fallin' in the outhouse, clumps of doo.

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 5

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

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User Comments

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Red Ant - May 15, 2007 - Report this comment
Clever title sub and wordplay as always, John. Count me in as one who can't stand tofu.
TJC - May 15, 2007 - Report this comment
Very clever and `deliciously` unpredictable!
alvin - May 15, 2007 - Report this comment
a parody that's meaty and anti-meaty at the same time
stuart mcarthur - May 15, 2007 - Report this comment
if God had meant us to not eat meat, he wouldn't have made those cute baa-lambs so delicious with mint sauce - and tofu is the only thing I can't eat either - 555 - hmm and my code is XFC (xquisite fried chicken)
Kristof Robertson - May 16, 2007 - Report this comment
Count me in as an anti-vegetarian: I can't cope with the sound of broccoli screaming when I put it in the pan. :-) Great fun, JAB...and an OS I was until now unfamiliar with. 555

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