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Song Parodies -> "50 Ways To Kill A Cane Toad"

Original Song Title:

"50 Ways To Leave Your Leaver"

Original Performer:

Paul Simon

Parody Song Title:

"50 Ways To Kill A Cane Toad"

Parody Written by:

Michael Schalk

The Lyrics

This song ist dedicated to the ugly and highly poisonous cane toad, which endangers native animals and is detested by all Australians. It is a hymn to the creativity of the Australians in getting rid of this ugly pest.
50 Ways to kill a cane toad

The problem is all inside your head
She said to me
The answer is easy if you
Take it logically
I'd like to help you in your struggle
To be free
There must be fifty ways
To kill a cane toad

She said it's really not my habit
To intrude
Furthermore, I hope my meaning
Won't be lost or misconstrued
But I'll repeat myself
At the risk of being crude
There must be fifty ways
To kill a cane toad
Fifty ways to kill a cane toad

Just jump on its back, Jack
Fry it in the pan, Stan
You don't need to be coy, Roy
Just get yourself free
Run over it with a bus, Gus
You don't need to discuss much
Just put it in the fridge, Midge
And get yourself free

Club this frog to death, Jeff,
impale it on a spike, Mike
shoot it in the head, Fred,
stuff it with a firecracker
And blow it to smithereens

She said it grieves me so
To see you in such pain
I wish there was something I could do
To make this frog smile again
I said I appreciate that
And would you please explain
About the fifty ways
She said why don't we both
Just sleep on it tonight
And I believe in the morning
You'll begin to see the light
And then she kissed me
And I realized she probably was right
There must be fifty ways
To kill a cane toad
Fifty ways to kill a cane toad


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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 3.8
How Funny: 4.0
Overall Rating: 4.0

Total Votes: 12

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   2
 2   2
 3   0
 4   1
 5   7

User Comments

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Johnny D - April 15, 2005 - Report this comment
I don't know why I'm laughing so much at this, but I am.
Stuart McArthur - April 15, 2005 - Report this comment
but even if you tried all fifty, there's stil another 40 billion of em left, and as I write they're marching south (shudder) - nice original idea, Michael - are you an Aussie? - 555
Red Ant channeling Steve Irwin - April 15, 2005 - Report this comment
EY! Crickey! Matey, there are plenty of venemous creatures in Australia like Funnel Web Spiders and Box Jellyfish. Did you know that Australia has the most poisonous creatures ratio to "regular" creatures jn the world? ( that's Red Ant speaking, no idea if it's a fact ) I know of 555 places in the world you can go to avoid these. PS- That gives me a great idea for my next show!
sally - September 06, 2005 - Report this comment
you could have been more creative in the verse, not just the chorus. The verse was just lifted from the original.
C dogg - December 04, 2008 - Report this comment
hahahahhaah, what a good song! :)
john b dreher - July 10, 2009 - Report this comment
hello, i am from pa, usa. i love can toads, i have 2, both over 10 inches. i kiss them everysay and give them all the love and affection they deserve. they are very beautiful animals. i would like to see an australian hitting one with a club so i can hit him in the headwith a club. how you like that, kimberley toad busters/killers ? the c toad should be your national animal. so long, suckers, john s, pa, usa
hdwtg - September 02, 2010 - Report this comment
why would u kis them weirdo

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