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Song Parodies -> "Fifty Ways to Deal With Road Rage"

Original Song Title:

"Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover"

Original Performer:

Paul Simon

Parody Song Title:

"Fifty Ways to Deal With Road Rage"

Parody Written by:

The Comedian

The Lyrics

The problem is all inside that car ahead of me
The answer is easy, I'll tailgate that SUV
My brights will blind them in their rear-view mirror's gleam

There must be
Fifty ways to deal with road rage

Those bastards up ahead are stupid and so rude
Earlier, those dopes went screaming by and cut me off so crude
But they'll find out right now, I'm a do-not-mess-with-dude

There must be
Fifty ways to deal with road rage
Fifty ways to deal with road rage

Just flip 'em the bird, Burt
Make a rude face, Ace
You don't need to speed by, Guy
Just pass 'em and brake

Tailgate their bus, Gus
Run 'em right off the street, Pete
Just bump 'em an' they'll be
So scared that they pee

Just puncture their wheel, Neil
Steal their hubcap, Chap
When they park it's your chance, Lance,
To scrape with a key

Pull up alongside, Clyde
Roll down your win-dow, Moe
And smile when you scream, Gene,
"Hey a**hole, biiiite me!"

Ahead of me there goes the source of all my pain
I wish there was something I could do to make my fury plain
I said, "I'd appreciate if, OnStar™, you'd please explain,
About the fifty ways...?"

They said "Why don't you push the button on the right,
And you'll receive a quick warning, then the rockets will ignite."
So then I pushed it, and that SUV blew up without a fight

That was a
Nifty way to deal with road rage!
Nifty way to deal with road rage!

Just blow out their back, Jack
Hit 'em in the rear, dear
Just splash 'em with gas, Lass
Then ignite 'em with glee

Burn up their bus, Gus
Torch 'em right on the street, Pete
Make a barbecue scene, Gene
Of their SUV

Just call up OnStar™, Lars
Listen to them, Clem
They'll say what to do, Lou
Which button to press

Just set your cross-hairs, Claire
On their car's derriere, where,
Your rockets will land, and,
Revenge will beeee grand!

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 LittleLots
Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.0
How Funny: 3.5
Overall Rating: 4.0

Total Votes: 2

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 0
 0
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   1
 1
 0
 
 4   0
 1
 2
 
 5   1
 0
 0
 

User Comments

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Royce Miller - July 06, 2004 - Report this comment
be careful out there, Johnny
Know 1 can hear you dream - July 06, 2004 - Report this comment
I can imagine this as the soundtrack of PC-games where you can do (all of) this. Been playing one of those by any chance? ;-)
MasonR - July 06, 2004 - Report this comment
LOL! I've always felt "anti-SUV missiles" would be a nice feature... ;-)
Stray Pooch - July 06, 2004 - Report this comment
That settles it, I'm getting Onstar!!!!! And you're getting fives!
lebeiw15 - July 06, 2004 - Report this comment
I like how we both wrote car parodies today! All 5s.
Rod Worden - July 06, 2004 - Report this comment
Put 'em in the ditch, Mitch! Fun one, JS, 5s!
Arwen - July 06, 2004 - Report this comment
Hilarious, Johnny! 5s!! I start a new job next week, so THIS week I have been training my replacement at my current job. Dumber than a bag of hammers. I'm going to lose it! I need someone to write "50 Ways to Deal with Training a Total Idiot Rage." Right now I've narrowed my options down to one thing that MIGHT make me feel better: ripping my own leg off and beating myself to death with it...; )
John Barry - July 06, 2004 - Report this comment
Sung like a true Boston-area driver. The speed-limit sign says 555.
Meriadoc - July 06, 2004 - Report this comment
Pleasant robotic female voice: "The missiles will detonate in 5 seconds. The missiles will detonate in 5 seconds. The missiles will detonate in 5 seconds..."
Phil Alexander - July 06, 2004 - Report this comment
Just toss 'em a nuke, Duke
Throw in a grenade, Ade
Set phasers to stun, Hon
And get 'em for me :-)
Cookie-man - July 06, 2004 - Report this comment
I would seriously hate to be behind you on the road! I can totally relate though....been there done that. I was so scared that I think I did pee a little but I gave you 5's anyway! :)
Johnny D - July 06, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks everyone!

Royce Miller: I will, Cap'n Miller, I will!
Know 1 can hear you dream: Nope, just playing with mys--ah, my imagination.
MasonR: Yeah, wouldn't they be a blast?
Stray Pooch: OnStarŪ knows where you live --- my brother-in-law's rental car sure did!
lebeiw15: Seems we're driving in the same lane!
Rod Worden: Amen, Brother Rod!
Arwen: "Dumber than a bag of hammers" ... "... ripping my own leg off and beating myself to death with it " --- that comment of yours had me ROTFLMAO!
John Barry: Too slow! TOO SLOW!
Meriadoc: Wham-BAM, thank you, sir/ma'am!
Phil Alexander: Way to go, Philbo!
Cookie-man: OnStarŪ will tell you which button to push to get a "Depends" pad from your dashboard, too!
Adagio - July 06, 2004 - Report this comment
I can't believe that I left this one off. I know that I read it. You really get outrageous road rage, huh? Blowin' em up...cross hairs, etc...Hehe. 5's
Johnny D - July 06, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks Adagio ... I don't really get this kind of road rage ... but I've been known to mutter a thing or two from time to time!
Michael Pacholek - July 07, 2004 - Report this comment
Just vote him the five, Clive, or you might not stay a-live! "You don't need to speed by, Guy?" Yes, he does. Guy is, after all, a Texan. And with your vehicle's arsenal, I'm beginning to think your name might be Bond. And if you really wanna get those guys, you might want to take your dog from the last song you put up here and SIC 'EM!
Johnny D - July 07, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks again, Formula One Pacholek. "Rottweilers, start your engines....GRRR, GRRRR, GRRRRRR....!!!"
Know 1 can hear you dream - July 07, 2004 - Report this comment
Speaking of Bond-style gadgets. I went looking for this specific cartoon and found it:

http://cartoons.sev.com.au/Sev-Space/Shameless-Bombed/s411
Ashkicksass - July 07, 2004 - Report this comment
Not much to add, but had to throw in a comment with my 5's!
Johnny D - July 07, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks Ashkicksass!
Sweet Indigo - July 08, 2004 - Report this comment
Lovely, satsifying parody! I feel the catharsis just reading it. Really good pacing, and I like the conclusion.
alvin rhodes - July 08, 2004 - Report this comment
great parody...my two peeves....people who drive and talk on the phone and turn signal neglecters
Johnny D - July 08, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks alvin, and thank you, Sweet Indigo.
x - October 30, 2006 - Report this comment
great parody

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