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Song Parodies -> "Fifty Days Or Lose Your Rubber"

Original Song Title:

"Fifty Ways To Leave Your Lover"

Original Performer:

Paul Simon

Parody Song Title:

"Fifty Days Or Lose Your Rubber"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

This is the story of a girl who wants her guy to lose some weight or lose his benefits in the bedroom. Talk about some incentive! But our guy sure loves his food.....

The poundage is balled up in your gut so said my sweet
You always eat greasy, never baked or trans fat free
You better drop some weight or snuggle without me
You just have: fifty days or lose your rubber

She said you really have bad habits with your food
Bloating more you dope, your eating will exclude you getting screwed
But you just stuff yourself, as the brisket's being stewed
You just have: fifty days to lose some blubber
Fifty days or lose your rubber

You just skip on the flap-jacks
Don't eat the canned ham
You just need to bok choy, boy
Just get it fat free
Big as a bus truss
You won't get to *this* touch much
Just munch on a ki-wi
Or get you not: me!

Ooo, zip up your snack pack
Don't you do Spam cram
You don't need to enjoy soy
Just eat it for me
Stop all the plus fuss
You won't feel on this butt much
Won't play with your wee-wee
I'll set your ass free

She said I'm leaving so you won't see me again
Think I tried everything I could to lose weight, but I gained ten
She didn't appreciate that; I guess I could complain
About the fifty days...

But now my plate can load up, heap it on all night
And I'm relieved in the morning; she's not watching every bite
And when she sees me, she will be surprised; found someone who's just right
And she's a hefty babe with lots of blubber
Hefty babe who is my lover

We share kiss then attack snacks
Eat a few canned hams
Then play with our joy toys
Ain't nothin' fat free
Oh, a cinnamon bun, Hon?
We just eat for big fun, yum!
Please pass me a sweet treat
And get yourself three

Donuts like snack crack
She's my new Spam ma'am
We don't need to deploy soy
Just glistening grease
Oh how we trust crust
We sure have a robust lust
Let's chop off some cheese please
And let ourselves spree

Don't know about you, but I could go for a pizza right about now. ;-)

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 9

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   9

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

AFW - January 07, 2010 - Report this comment
Very funny idea and story..The title fooled me..a little...funny rhyme Snack Pack and Spam Cram..
Mark Scotti - January 07, 2010 - Report this comment
Very "heafty" desires!! Funny!
Michael Pacholek - January 07, 2010 - Report this comment
Jack & Mrs. Sprat: The Rock Opera. Let me drop 5 pounds on you. Wait, that didn't come out right... Wait, that didn't either...
Tommy Turtle - January 07, 2010 - Report this comment
GMTA (Gutter-minds think alike). We've had a pair-o-dies on this topic in the works since pre-holiday. The reverse of yours (guy complaining about gal) is about done; now, if only a certain recalcitrant partner (cough) would hold up her end ... that's it, right about there -- a little higher, please .... Where was I? Oh, yeah, if someone would get the lead out with the female POV part....

Great concept, OS choice, and switch. Hint to your gal: Average intimate act burns 250 calories. Want to see his weight melt off? ... give him a superior act that burns off 555.
Christie Marie M - January 07, 2010 - Report this comment
Losing weight was supposed to be my New Year Resolution, but I don't make that my resolution anymore because I'm no good at self-control. I got to stop craving for Spare Ribs, Pecan Pie, and Shrimp Scampi. Lost 555 lbs with this one!
TJC - January 07, 2010 - Report this comment
Bloated with lexcellence!
Fiddlegirl - January 08, 2010 - Report this comment
I must've burned at least 555 calories just laughing at this one!
blackjack21 - January 10, 2010 - Report this comment
Thank you all for the votes and the weighty comments, much appreciated.

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