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Song Parodies -> "50 Ways To Knock Off Charlie"

Original Song Title:

"50 Ways To Leave Your Lover"

Original Performer:

Paul Simon

Parody Song Title:

"50 Ways To Knock Off Charlie"

Parody Written by:

Mr Find

The Lyrics

All of my song parodies are based on the TV show, Lost. THE SETUP: Tony Soprano and Paulie Walnuts of The Sopranos TV series are (were?) the biggest and baddest Lost-fanatics around. In the week preceeding the Lost season three finale, Tony and Paulie were getting very anxious that Claire and Aaron would not be rescued because Charlie had not died yet. So, therefore, through the magic of song (and maybe some telepathic communication) they advise Desmond Hume and the other Losties with their highly twisted and psychopathic remedies to the problem of the "Charlie" kink in the path of destiny. Please don't forget that The Sopranos finale aired after the Lost season three finale, so if it appears to you that Paulie is having visions of the future, much like Desmond, you are not wrong. Sung by Tony Soprano and Paulie Walnuts of "The Sopranos", directed mostly toward Desmond Hume.
The problem faced by you is how to fullfill destiny
The answer is in how to get rid of Charlie
So we will lend our two cents on the struggle do this deed
There must be fifty ways to knock off Charlie.

You see it's really not my habit to intrude
But we have a list of ways you and your pals may want to use
So I'll repeat myself in hope of getting Claire and Aaron rescued.
There must be fifty ways to knock off Charlie
Fifty ways to knock of Charlie. (Take it away, Paulie.)

(Thanks, Tee.)
Just a shiv in his back, Jack
Booby-trap is his guitar, Jarrah
You see Charlie's doom, Hume,
Will set Claire and Aaron free.
Grab the DHARMA bus, Hugo
Run over his head nice and slow
Just like with Phil Lee-
-otardo in our very last show.

Cut his kidney sack, Jack
A tried and true plan, man
It will get you an Emmy, M.D.
Just listen to me.
A bomb in his Paper Mate, Kate
The same one that he wrote "fate"
Just a li'l TNT, see,
Can right this destiny.

Desmond, this is causing Paulie great emotional pain
He comes to tears thinking of Claire and Aaron again
I know you can appreciate that, and so we go explain
About the fifty ways.

Sure, sure, you go just sleep on it tonight
I believe in the morning you'll begin to see the light
This girl in this photo -- she's named Penny, aint that right?
It would be a shame if something happened to your lover
Whacking Pace will save your lover.

Forget about the shiv in the back, Jack
I got a new plan, man.
This will knock off Char-lie,
Take it from me.
Pop on this tune, Hume.
It has that pop-rock touch.
By a band called Journey.
"Don't Stop Believing".

Have some onion rings.....

PAULIE: sniff, sniff....Tee, I can't go on. Stop the music, stop the music!
[music stops]
TONY: Paulie, why are you crying?
PAULIE: sniff. I keep on thinking about Claire and baby Aaron not getting rescued because of that little bast'd Charlie still breathing. It's killing me inside, Tee, I'm tellin' ya' it's killing me! Lemme' go to Lost Island and take care of the little piece of garbage, myself.
TONY: Relax, Paulie. The Losties will take care of it. Desmond got our message, loud and clear....And on key, I am proud to say.
Other Lost song parodies can be found at Lost: The Rock Opera. I hope to have others (no pun intended) I have authored up on this excellent site real soon and will encourage other contributors to LTRO to do likewise. Thanks

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