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Song Parodies -> "Stobie Pole Twixt the Dashboard Lights"

Original Song Title:

"Paradise by the Dashboard Lights"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Meat Loaf

Parody Song Title:

"Stobie Pole Twixt the Dashboard Lights"

Parody Written by:

the_conqueror_of_parodies

The Lyrics

Sweet buttery Batman, this thing took forever to right. Curse you Meat Loaf and your songs that last for three days! That said: this should explain what a stobie pole is. For those who don't wanna click the link, a stobie pole is the South Australian equivalant of a telegraph pole and it's made of steel and concrete a.k.a. not good to run into with your car.
Well, I remember only little bits
Although the accident was just today
Must've broke my brain
I was taking my new Ford for a drive
I was giving it a whirl
My friends were giving me shit for it
They think they're so cool
Holden fanboys, they're so crazy, right

So I took it to the mountains for a drive
Wind in my hair feels good, the engine whines just right
I was chillin' to the music, guess I forgot my lights
That'll really teach me to drive that late at night
Should've! Used my lights!
I should've! Used my mind!

Well, the road was slipp'ry, should've used my brights
Now there's a stobie pole twixt the dashboard lights

Ain't no doubt about it, now my car's a wreck
That pole just shattered the windscreen
The glass has made a mess
Should've watched where I was goin'
Now I have to pay for towin'
That oil puddle's growin'
No-one light a match
Or we'll be blown to smithereens
'Twould be worse than the crash

Was the problem with my car?
Or was the road just slippery as soap?
I'm not quite sure what went wrong
Had I worn down my tires or something dumb
Well, I know it wasn't snow
In my country, we do not get it
Not even way up high
On the mountains, why
Did this happen, guys?
Well, I'm waiting for an answer, bud

The impact must've knocked out both the headlights
And that just isn't good, cause now I can't see shite
And I'm too far from a lightpost, there's no other cars, right
Stuck here in the darkness, wish I had a flashlight
Damnit! There's no light!
Godamnit! Can't see shite!

Fishing through my pockets, must find my mobile
Cause there's a stobie pole twixt the dashboard lights
Must call the mechanic, think his name is Mike
Stobie pole twixt the dashboard lights

I think I spilled my Coke can
Could that be the mys'try put to rest?
Well, I kinda doubt it
'Twas in the holder of cup-things
Safe in the holder

I'm stuck on the mountain road tonight
I'm stuck on this bloody road with a lack of lights
I'm stuck on this bloody road tonight
I'm stuck on this mountain road, and there's no moonlight
I'm stuck on this mountain road tonight
I'm stuck, and I cannot phone, out of batt'ry, right
I'm stuck on this bloody road tonight
I'm stuck on this mountain road, hope someone comes by

Okay, here we go
I know I've got a map somewhere around here
Crouch down, man, what a pong
Good Lord, man, that stink is ripe
The hell is it, oh, there it is!
I think I lost that sandwich three days ago
Although I wonder why
The car cleaner just didn't see this, oh well, now
Pick that sammy off the floor
Deal with it in a second
And I just banged my head on the centre
Of the steering wheel, I hate that wheel!
It hit a zit too, that hurts
Never mind...walk out
Ow, ow, wait, hold the phone now, wait
I should check the glovebox! Novel thought there
Walk around, squeeze past the rail, and I think
If I wiggle, I think I can unlock
The door here, my word, here we go
Open the thing, nice and slow
Cause the hinge likes to squeak
And at night, squeaks aren't what I want to here
Couple minutes pass, I've opened the glovebox
And so I look it over
Hey, that's where I put it
There's that library book, oh my
And beneath it's the map, thank God
Now to find just where the hell am I now
Hold on now, there's no light, I can't read!
Holy cow, that was an hour wasted...

Hold up there!
You cars passing right now
Before you go any further
Can you help me?
Could you help me out, stranger?
Please stop for me
At least lend me batt'ries
That would make me so happy
Cause I am in deep strife
I could sure use a break
A lift back home would be nice

Could you help me?
Could you help me out, stranger?
Don't ignore me
Call the coppers for me
Cause that would be so dandy
They could help me out, right
So please don't drive away
You lazy, unhelpful shite
I need some help right now
So you there, in the Range Rover
Could you help me?
No, do not run me over

My car, I crashed it
Buddy, buddy, my car, I stacked it
My car, I wrecked it
Don't know how it happened, it's annoying

My car, it's busted
Buddy, buddy, my car, I rushed it
My car, I struck it
Right against a pole, now it ain't working

My car, I broke it
Buddy, buddy, my car, I drove it
And I sure hope it's
Not so broke, that I'll have to replace it

I'm kinda stuck right now!
Can't you help me?
Please, just help me out, stranger
Don't just leave me
That would just be douchey
Cause my car is real brokey
The worst crash of my life
Something twigged in my brain
And I just veered to the right
And now I'm screwed right now
So could you please just pull over?
That would please me
No don't drive on, you wanker!

That's rude as can be, oy
Come on!
That is utter shite
No-one stops for me, oy, that is low
No-one stops for me, oy, so...damn...low!

Ah, ah, ah, ah-ah-ah,
My car's still busted
Buddy, buddy, no, I'm not wasted
No, I'm not a drunkard
I'm gonna keep at this 'till the morning

I need a tow right now!

Stop and help me!
Don't just leave me to starve here
Don't drive past me
You wish to condemn me?
I am getting quite angry
With these ignorant shites
Wish I'd stepped on the brakes
Might've avoided this shite

[simultaneously:]
My car, look at it
Buddy, buddy, take a look at it
It's quite a wreck, ain't it?
So could you call a tow truck for me, please
Or maybe, let me borrow your phone, please

Guess I'm alone right now
Because no-one here will offer
To help out me
They just left me, the bastards

They drove past, the gits!
They're such ignorant half-wits
All just utter twits
Wouldn't be too hard, would it?

Well, I can't take it any longer
LORD am I crazed
But now this feeling comes upon me
Like a gentle wave
Ticket to the Land of Nod
And it has been pre-paid
I think I'll wait here 'till the morning light
And then I will ask the postman for a ride

So now I'm sleeping in my car tonight
I hope the postman comes by
Cause I don't know his route, don't have the tiniest clue
And I hope that he's not riding a bike
Cause that would just be awkward, won't fit anyhow
No, I need the van, I hope he doesn't plow
Right past me, 'twould cross the line
Brain would snap in two, ooh, ooh
Sleeping till the morning light
And get help from the postman dude

In my car, I'll doze and sleep the night away
And make sure I don't forget to apply the brakes

Because if I don't apply all of the brakes
My car might just roll straight down, straight down the highway
Yes, I must make sure to apply the handbrake
Cause when I'm nodding off, don't wanna roll away

(Simultaneously)
I hope that I sleep good, for the rest of the night
Cause if the postman thinks I'm cranky, might not give me a ride
Hopin' that I sleep good, on this highway tonight
Hope that the postman ain't a douchebag, that would not be all right

(Repeat both sections to fade)
And wouldn't you know it, this is one of the first images that comes up when you Google search "stobie pole". Appropriate!

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 4

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User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Meriadoc - October 16, 2012 - Report this comment
The sandwich. The zit. The library book. The Coke can, safe in its holder. Conq, the thing I like the most about the best of your parodies is that you stick mundane things in the middle of a tragic scenario and it's hilarious! Great job on a difficult OS.
Chris Bodily TM - November 17, 2012 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Whoa, that was hard to follow at the end! I love this OS and I love the concept and the (no pun intended) execution. Excellent read! P.S. don't curse Meat Loaf, curse Jim Steinman. 555
Matthias - November 21, 2012 - Report this comment
This is a brilliant song and though I thought I would be lost because of all of the foregin terms and odd word choices in the title I wasn't at all. I love the monologue of you struggling in the car and then finally giving up because you can't even read the map you're looking for because it's too dark. This is a tough song to turn into any subject but you did a fine job with it sir.
Peter Andersson - November 22, 2012 - Report this comment
Kudos for dragging a subject like this out over more than eight minutes, but I gotta admit that by the fourth I started to read ahead, I guess you could say by that point I and the car was going nowhere fast...
Peregrin - November 24, 2012 - Report this comment
Oct 2012 SOTM: Many good lines in there, Conq. I repeat Merry's assertion about mixing the mundane details into your parodies, it's a good approach. I pareticularly appreciated the fact that our hero has crashed, yet still took time to observe "It hit a zit too, that hurts". Priceless!
Glen S - November 26, 2012 - Report this comment
Epic is the word. I've always had a desire to try this song, but never had any ideas that worked. Congrats on completing it, and I especially appreciate 'Must call the mechanic, think his name is Mike' and the 'LAND OF NOD' stanza :c)
Meriadoc - November 29, 2012 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Still love that zit!
Abbott Skelding - November 30, 2012 - Report this comment
I agree with Peter about dragging this out to 8 minutes, a lot of good details that made it seem as epic as any other Meat Loaf song, nice work!
Blaydeman - December 01, 2012 - Report this comment
(SOTM) I dread reading parodies of this song because it's so long people tend to run out of material before the end, then it drags on and on, but you did an excellent job. I was invested throughout the whole thing! That's a feat in itself.
Arwen - December 03, 2012 - Report this comment
SOTM...Hoe. Lee. Cow. I parodied Meatloaf once and never did it again...hahaha...you're brave just for tackling this beast. Nice write, too...amazingly, in spite of my clumsy nature in every other way...I've only ever been in one car accident...whew!

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