Song Parodies -> Bind And Tie Her Tight
| Original Song Title: | "Blinded By The Light" |
| Original Performer: | Manfred Mann's Earth Band |
| Parody Song Title: | "Bind And Tie Her Tight" |
| Parody Written by: | Tommy Turtle |
The M/f "flip side" of the F/m "Whip-Chained Melody" ... TT DKTOS, but Stuart McArthur told him that this was a "mandatory" parody, so... NOTE: Like other parodies on this topic, this one satirizes *consenting* individuals who *choose* to *PLAY* in this fashion. Real violence isn't funny.
Bind and tie her tight
Trussed up like a goose with all her private parts in sight
Bind and tie her tight
Don't let her get loose, just have your way with her all night
Bind and tie her tight.....
Strum her on her bum-mer, to the depths you plumb her
On her teeny welcome mat
Puts a lump on her rump as the Master Mister thumps her
Then a little pat
From her ankle to her shoulder, velvet Velcro™ hold her
She's immovably bound
Then with very soft squeezin', some teasin' and pleasin'
See her wildly thrashin' around
Beguiled; she's too tightly wound
Yeah, she was....
Grinding left and right
Do *not* use a noose, 'cause she could fatally excite
Grinding left and right
She waves her caboose up in the air in helpless plight
Grinding left and right...
I playfully kissed her; it was hard to resist her
But still, I gave her the shakes
She said, "you turn me on, Master, so big and strong"
"play me long, Sir, without a break"
Then smartly impart some peckin' felt down to her heart
Got goosebumps up and down her side
Her little curly Shirley was thrown into hurly-burly
She begged me, "please, Sir, give me a ride"
But her wish, I cruelly denied
So she was...
Mine, and quite a sight
Miffed by my refusal; "turnabout is fair play", right?
Mine, and quite contrite
Spread out for my use; I'll conjure up some more delight
Mine; her cheeks, I bite
I went down; taste of what she desired
But I frustrated her in spite
So agitated, flames ignite
Yeah, Baby! here's where the fun is
Yeah, tell me... who Number One is!
Daddy always said he'll treat you good if you supply him with bun
And Baby, you've always done this
This full-blown sadist-prone panty-cycle-riding stone lecher has his feast
Says, "I own your private zone, I can make you gasp and groan
"Till I decide you're released"
And she moaned like Sharon Stone; her basic instinct, horny
Craving for some romance
Sniffing fresh-blown cologne while messin' with Jeanne Tripplehorn [1]
Showing Mike Douglas her pants
Then her fantasy crashed to the ground
[chorus of incoherent moans]
'Cause she's en-
Twined, behind upright
Vibrate her a little, make her ask and be polite
Signed and sealed, alright
A slight cl*ttal diddle, then you tease her out of spite
Blinding lust, incite
She whines, slightly brittle, for her shining-armored knight
Finds a bit of fight
She squirms; tries to fiddle with her bonds, but how they bite
Blind with lust; red, bright
She thrusts; starts to piddle cooter juice with all her might
She said, "you turn me on; i, Sir, to you belong"
She's tied down, but her flames have been fired
She's never had a better night!
[1] Jeanne Tripplehorn: Sharon Stone's co-star in "Basic Instinct".
SPOILER ALERT:
Also Stone's lover in the movie.
"Velcro"® Velcro Industries B.V. All else © 2007 Tommy Turtle. All rights reserved.
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User Comments Follow...
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cooter juice?
hmm, challenging actually brings out the best in you TT - whilst you trotted this epic out in 2 hours flat, I'm still sitting on my opening two lines - but I WILL get there - and mine definitely won't have the expression "cooter juice"...psst, I think THAT might have been the orignal Chucky stumbling block that kept this off the air - and SOOOO unjustly! ;-)...amazing stuff TT - 555
hmm, challenging actually brings out the best in you TT - whilst you trotted this epic out in 2 hours flat, I'm still sitting on my opening two lines - but I WILL get there - and mine definitely won't have the expression "cooter juice"...psst, I think THAT might have been the orignal Chucky stumbling block that kept this off the air - and SOOOO unjustly! ;-)...amazing stuff TT - 555
This is a challenge? Can't wait to see what McArthur comes up with. Brilliant, brilliant stuff, TT...I know what a byatch this OS is to parody- but you've surpassed yourself! Bravo! 555+
naughty and also "knotty"...an impossible song to pace but indeed you did...bravo !
Love it. That line you shouldn't cross? Yeah, I think it's about 50 feet behind you. 555
How does he doit??? (I am not worthy) I am still laughing... I think this is def OVER the line, but a solid 555
Quite the write to ignite...word wizardry...
http://www.amiright.com/parody/misc/gilbertsullivan63.shtml in the comments by SM
My goodness! I had to take a cold shower after this read! "Teeny welcome mat and little curly shirley..." two of my favorite lines.
HA HA
"...piddle cooter juice?" Oh, that is sick...shouldn't be laughing...but I am. 555
You said "lump on her rump" Heh heh heh. TT, I have tackled most of the major/difficult parodies except this one to include Queen's BoRap about four times, American Pie twice, once changing every chorus and the other currently has 768 views with 362 votes and 307 comments. Marty Robbin's "El Paso" twice, The Major General Song, once. WOTEF twice. Cats In The Cradle, 5 times and Alone Again, Naturally twice. I have to do MFM's BBTL song before I die. I just have never had a good enough idea to get it going because if I'm going to write a monster like this one it will be worth the effort and I'm setting your parody as my standard to meet or exceed when I do. This is absolutely a piece of fine art and craftsmanship. Truly an instant classic. (putting on old USAF uniform standing at attention and rendering a snappy salute at the screen). Fl-ight Dis--missed!
stuart mcarthur: hadn't actually realized that the slang term, "cooter" was so widespread (so to speak)... was afraid most DK it. thanks, stu.
Kristof Robertson: Thanks much... can't wait for Stu's either :)
alvin: (lol) thanks :)
McKludge: Thanks for pointing it out... no wonder I couldn't find it lol... thanks McK.
Walt Conner: Thanks, and you are *very* worthy. Practice, practice... looking forward to your future stuff... thanks Walt.
AFW: Thanks (good quip!)
PMS: Really? Show this to your other half -- or print it and "accidentally" leave it lying around :-) TMI trivia: Do all women have nicks for their privates as do men (Willy, etc.?) Long time ago, had a gf who called hers "Shirley", which inspired that line (Leslie Nielsen chimes in: "Don't call me Shirley!")... and glad you liked one of TT faves, the "mat". Thanks P :D
Nelson Muntz: thanks; glad you enjoyed.
Project Sisyphus: thanks :)
Guy: Very flattering -- thanks. Salute returned, Sir -- looking forward to your BBTL.
Kristof Robertson: Thanks much... can't wait for Stu's either :)
alvin: (lol) thanks :)
McKludge: Thanks for pointing it out... no wonder I couldn't find it lol... thanks McK.
Walt Conner: Thanks, and you are *very* worthy. Practice, practice... looking forward to your future stuff... thanks Walt.
AFW: Thanks (good quip!)
PMS: Really? Show this to your other half -- or print it and "accidentally" leave it lying around :-) TMI trivia: Do all women have nicks for their privates as do men (Willy, etc.?) Long time ago, had a gf who called hers "Shirley", which inspired that line (Leslie Nielsen chimes in: "Don't call me Shirley!")... and glad you liked one of TT faves, the "mat". Thanks P :D
Nelson Muntz: thanks; glad you enjoyed.
Project Sisyphus: thanks :)
Guy: Very flattering -- thanks. Salute returned, Sir -- looking forward to your BBTL.
Wow, TT! Well, I think Guy said it all (with a little (piddle?) help from Stu, Kristof, Alvin, McKludge, Walt, AFW, PMS, Nelson and (gasp!)…Sisyphus),… the OS’s *new standard*… truly your knottiest ‘Master’ piece “to date” … n00bs and pros alike can learn the ropes from TT (T’autline T’urk’s knot?… No… your knot of choice would *have* to be the ‘sheet bend’!) My fave line? “Her little curly Shirley was thrown into hurly-burly!” Congrats again!
I enjoyed
TJC: Does that mean you liked it? (lol).... Loved the puns. Thanks, TJ.. :)
BR> Ann Hammond: Thanks much... was wondering how this would fly with the ladies, so am very glad to see that you and PMS liked it... thanks Ann.
BR> Ann Hammond: Thanks much... was wondering how this would fly with the ladies, so am very glad to see that you and PMS liked it... thanks Ann.
We, the 440 residents of Cooter, MO, are grateful for being referred to in this parody. h**p://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cooter%2C_Missouri
Tommy Turtle, I urge you to read my parody "He Knocked Me Up In A Chevy Van", which is based on the Sammy Kershaw version of Sammy Johns' classic 1974 one-night-stand song "Chevy Van". It's about bondage too. If you want to look at it, search for "Andria" under parody artist, and ignore the other two parodies. Although I have often said that I did not write them, they were my early work before I was coached by Darrell Wilhelm. 555
We the residents of Intercourse, Pennsylvania, USA (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intercourse,_Pennsylvania) are sick of the residents of Cooter, Missouri, USA, stealing ALL the double entendre gags
What are we? Chopped Liver?
What are we? Chopped Liver?
No, but the Amish don't have very good comic timing. Now those good folks from a little town in Austria, now they're funny.
Ve, the 93 residents of F*cking, Austria (sister village to Intercourse, PA, USA - and stepsister village to Cooter, Missouri, USA - hullo evryvun!!) are NOT chopped liver AND very funny
in fact, I was just saying to my neighbour, Herr Von Trapp, that recently I've been seeing spots before my eyes.
He said, "Have you seen a doctor?"
I said, "No! Just spots!!"
(herr, herr, herr...)
in fact, I was just saying to my neighbour, Herr Von Trapp, that recently I've been seeing spots before my eyes.
He said, "Have you seen a doctor?"
I said, "No! Just spots!!"
(herr, herr, herr...)
Now THAT'S timing!
Intercourse, Pennsylvania, USA: Sorry for the oversight. TT will try to do something to rectify it.
F*cking, Austria: Since you're an actual city, why is there an asterisk in your name? TT will ... oh n/m, it's not gonna fly. You guys will just have to get by on all the money spent by English-speaking tourists.
Herr Von Trapp: So, that is where "The Sound Of Music" was actually filmed? Funny, never saw the town mentioned in the movie.
McKludge: You have a good eye for comic timing, but you're being unfair to the Amish. Didn't you see "Witness"? Those guys are killer!
F*cking, Austria: Since you're an actual city, why is there an asterisk in your name? TT will ... oh n/m, it's not gonna fly. You guys will just have to get by on all the money spent by English-speaking tourists.
Herr Von Trapp: So, that is where "The Sound Of Music" was actually filmed? Funny, never saw the town mentioned in the movie.
McKludge: You have a good eye for comic timing, but you're being unfair to the Amish. Didn't you see "Witness"? Those guys are killer!
TT, the baroness was born and raised in F*cking.
Don't you recall the scene where Herr Von Trapp and the baroness were walking around the idyllic lake, and Herr Von Trapp sighs and says, "Don't you just love this place, baroness?" and the baroness drily replies, "I prefer F*cking"
Don't you recall the scene where Herr Von Trapp and the baroness were walking around the idyllic lake, and Herr Von Trapp sighs and says, "Don't you just love this place, baroness?" and the baroness drily replies, "I prefer F*cking"
Austrian movie buff: Ach, you vere reverring to za big-screen vershion, ja? I zink zey cut zat out ven zey show on TV da vin vat I saw.
Intercourse, Pennsylvania, USA:: I have rectified the oversight. Will post tomorrow, Friday, 26 October, if it posts at all lol.
Intercourse, Pennsylvania, USA:: I have rectified the oversight. Will post tomorrow, Friday, 26 October, if it posts at all lol.
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This is view # 413
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