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Song Parodies -> "Grindin' Nine to Five"

Original Song Title:

"Blinded by the Light"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Manfred Mann's Earth Band

Parody Song Title:

"Grindin' Nine to Five"

Parody Written by:

the_conqueror_of_parodies

The Lyrics

Retail work: doesn't it suck? Sure does for this poor sap...
Grindin' nine to five
Stackin' shelfs with food while makin' sure the order's right
Grindin' nine to five
Ev'ry time some douche sticks choc'late cake mix in the rice
Grindin' nine to five
My job sucks, it's true, but someone's gotta do it, right?

I'm becomin' dumber with each clueless shopper askin' where the chips are at
Right in front of 'em, bud, I'm not makin' you look dumb pointin' that out, you twat
I could list off vague descriptions that I have been given, expectin' me to work out
What the thing with the blue-ish goo is, my sleuthin's below Encyclopedia Brown

My brain's on the verge of checkin' out
But I'm still grindin' nine to five
I'm almost immune to all those screamin' diatribes
Grindin' nine to five
How are they confused about the "Sorry, we're closed" sign?
Grindin' nine to five
Wish I could refuse to serve the bigoted asswipes
Grindin' nine to five
Afraid that I'll lose this barely-payin' job of mine

Sick of gettin' blisters from slicin' through my fingers on cardboard boxes all day
But I gotta push on cause my breaks aren't real long and I gotta earn my small pay
Those gift cards? Don't start, cause somehow it's just really hard to work out when they expire
My brain's all hurty-hurty cause of this one jerky-jerky returnin' shit that he set on fire

It's been a long day, I'm so tired
But I'm still grindin' nine to five
Sick of tellin' fools that it's no longer the sales price
Grindin' nine to five

It would suck if I ever got fired, because a job's so hard to find
I really hate it, I can't lie

Manager, he cracks the bullwhip
Metaphor, but it's still bullshit
The first day he told me that if I ever dared sigh, I'd be screwed
A huge jerk, absolute cruel dick

My workload really blows, but what's worse, though, is there's nobody to help me
"What, no co-workers?" I know, I was shocked like you, but no, my boss is just really cheap
Any cash thrown at us schmoes is cash he's not hoardin', so he just can't do that
Does he work? No, hell no, that's quite the funny joke there, bro, never even seen him stand

My feet must be half-callus by now
But I'm still grindin' nine to five
Runnin' like a fool because I'm always strapped for time
Grindin' nine to five
These quotas are cruel but my damn job is on the line
Grindin' nine to five (autumn, summer, winter and spring, I'm still bitter)
Up-sell, I have to, even though it's not worth the price (that this is the job I have)
Grindin' nine to five ('stead of one that's more fun, like a data entry schlub)
So all I ask you is to keep your loud child in line (could surf the web with that)
Grindin' nine to five (crampin' shoulder, hard to hold on to the huge-ass boxes)
Sweep up the mess too before I've clocked out for the night (can't let 'em fall to the ground)
Grindin' nine to five (cause my boss would start yellin', sayin' it's pendin')
Takes ages, guess who of the staff ain't paid overtime? (that my time here is soon to run out)
Grindin' nine to five (some clod's within earshot, screamin' loud that I forgot)
Once more, the computer's broken down, well, that's fine (to withdraw his sum of cash)
Grindin' nine to five (can't say he's wrong 'bout that because the receipt logo is wrong)
It's not like I'm too stressed out to do maths in my mind (screams his head off, gives me a slap) (grindin' nine to five)
Grindin' nine to five (man, there's times I'm wishin' that I had taste for liquor)
I hate all of you, must keep all these swear words inside (I'd sneak in swigs ev'ry day)
Grindin' nine to five (but to drink on the job's somethin' I won't check off)

I'm worn down, so incredibly tired, payin' in cent coins? That's just fine

Big Seven done! Starting tomorrow: the revamped Decepticon Idiot! Because there's nothing like winding down from seven really tricky songs in a row with an album of basic punk-rock tracks. And I get to nerd out.

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