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Song Parodies -> "Blind Dates kind of Bite"

Original Song Title:

"Blinded by the Light"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Manfred Mann's Earth Band

Parody Song Title:

"Blind Dates kind of Bite"

Parody Written by:

Spaff.com

The Lyrics

Blind dates kind of bite
Smash up the illusion that I'll find a Mrs. Right
Blind dates kind of bite
They suck like a douche that's made of vinegar and Sprite
Blind dates kind of bite...

Scammin' online, sometimes chat rooms can be fun times
And one time I found this minx
"There's romance in these pants," she said, "Wanna country dance?"
Well DUH - we met for drinks
'Round her shoulders was this holder, shoring up her boulders
It slipped while whirling around
As she rushed to adjust it, she thrust it, it busted
And her double-D's crashed to the ground

Yeah her double-D's crashed to the ground
I screamed - and

Blind dates kind of bite
Jack up the delusion that I'm gettin' some tonight
Blind dates kind of bite
Rack up the confusion: is it love or merely spite?
Blind dates kind of bite...

My dimwitted sister lined me up with a fister
Showed up with gerbils and flares
She said "I'll turn you on son like a Vegas sign -
Clip these wires to your nostril hairs"
This low-carb blowhard, she stole and charged my credit cards
Another "freed" my birds outside
This firestarter martyr came by in a veil and garter
And asked me if I needed a bride

Asked me if I needed a bride
I freaked - and

Blind dates kind of bite
They jump to conclusions that you carry parasites
Blind dates kind of bite

Think I'll drown in this cesspool called love
It's there to make ya lose your mind
It's gonna make ya
Lose your pride

[Extended instrumental break, presumably to avoid more of Springsteen's lyrics]

(But mating, that's where the fun is)
(Er, dating, that's where the fun is)

Mama always told me not to pay too much for Asian massage
But Mama, that's where your son is

[Asian massage interlude: "Chopsticks"]

Some no-bath polymath telepathic psychopath
Torched my pick-up truck
These Atkins-y bratty twins, real as calfskin mannequins
Said that all my records suck
Then the cutest absolutist and the Buddhist nudist flutist
Got blitzed and shot my cow
And the high-class tight-ass rhinoplastic pederast
She gave me gas - don't ask how

Yep, those double-D's crashed to the ground
I peed - and

Blind dates kind of bite
Smash up the illusion that I'll find a Mrs. Right
Blind dates kind of bite
They suck like a douche that's made of rum and Miller Lite

[Now the tricky part. Continue to sing the chorus over and over and over while SIMULTANEOUSLY singing random lines from the verses. Switch 'em up, change words, whatever. It helps to be heavily medicated. You'll know it's time to stop when you get to this line:]

She said "I'll turn it on son - your electric thong"

[Now wrap up with a Jerry Springer Final Thought:]

We get down, but it's worse for you girls
We're Dr. Jekylls
You should Hyde

Your Vote & Comment Counts

The parody authors spend a lot of time writing parodies for the website and they appreciate feedback in the form of votes and comments. Please take some time to leave a comment below about this parody.

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 LittleLots
Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 



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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 33

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 0
 0
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   0
 0
 0
 
 4   0
 1
 0
 
 5   33
 32
 33
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

John Jenkins - July 07, 2004 - Report this comment
I think you just became the Edmund Hillary of amiright, Sir Spaff. All the lines are great, but how can you top the "Buddhist nudist flutist" line and the different varieties of douches?
DKTOS? - July 07, 2004 - Report this comment
For those who Don't Know The Original Song, it's currently available at
spaff.com/dktos
Cookie-man - July 07, 2004 - Report this comment
I feel your pain oh Spaff!!! All I can say is thank the lord I found someone who will put up with my psychosis so I don't have to go on blind dates anymore! Like they always say there is someone for everyone and you proved it with this song! :)
Leigh O'Jay - July 07, 2004 - Report this comment
Oh wow. Another 70's tune bites the dust. So many amazing lines "no-bath polymath telepathic psychopath...". Great, great stuff.
Arwen - July 07, 2004 - Report this comment
Poor Spaff...I don't do blind dates...bleah. (But hey, I'm planning a visit to the Beehive state this summer if you want to get together...; )...) Excellent as always...=) 5s.
Phil Alexander - July 07, 2004 - Report this comment
Must say that I'm really looking forward to the recording of this one...
Know 1 can hear you dream - July 07, 2004 - Report this comment
And here I was thinking this was gonna be about dating a cannibal... :-)
Adagio - July 07, 2004 - Report this comment
Excellent lines .Buddhist nudist flutist....and the douches. Heck, the whole thing! 5's
Johnny D - July 07, 2004 - Report this comment
It's got pee!
It's got douches with Sprite!
It's got gerbils and fisters and dim-witted sisters!
It's a Double-D-Delight!
Meriadoc - July 07, 2004 - Report this comment
Excellent! Best lines: "Clip these wires to your nostril hairs" and "But Mama, that’s where your son is." ;-D
EmiLoca - July 07, 2004 - Report this comment
Well, you only had a couple terribly clever lines. Sorry, make that "cleverly terrible". And the pacing wasn't the greatest, very awkward in places. The idea was quite generic - like I haven't seen THIS one done fifteen times in the last week. All in all, not a very entertaining read. C'mon, Spaff...you can do better than this. [/end sarcasm] Fives...purely out of pity. ;-)
Lea O Jaye - July 07, 2004 - Report this comment
I'd forgotten the Boss-man wrote this...
John Barry - July 07, 2004 - Report this comment
This is great. One of the best pacing/rhyming combos I've seen.
alvin rhodes - July 07, 2004 - Report this comment
masterful job on a song that is difficult to parody....the rhymes are terrific....but, some of those dates don't sound that bad...hee hee hee...anyway....5s
Steven Cavanagh - July 07, 2004 - Report this comment
It's a relief to finally read these written down, and know what Springsteen's incomprehensible mumbling was trying to say.
Robert J. Pagliaro - July 07, 2004 - Report this comment
Almost missed this one - and I do look for your stuff on my too infrequent visits to this site. What they said and more (I just don't have a good enough vocabulary to add - besides, you know when you've hit or it wouldn't be posted).
The Great Karlando - July 07, 2004 - Report this comment
This may be my favorite of yours. I know I couldn't nail the rhymes the way you did. And funny as always. 555 from me, and hell of a job.
2nz - July 08, 2004 - Report this comment
Nice rhymage, you maff teaching stenograph giraffe of a laughin Spaff. I think some of your others are a bit more solid, though. We definitely have different styles in parodying this song. I normalized it a bit while you got hazy-er and crazy-er. 5s for rhymage, yo. Auguri.
Ravyn Rant - July 08, 2004 - Report this comment
Spaff - you're a genius. I'm at my desk, trying to type this while laughing so hard that I'm literally in tears. (~kowtowing~) We're not worthy! We're not worthy!
Michael Pacholek - July 08, 2004 - Report this comment
I knew I was gonna love this as soon as I saw one of the best titles in Amiright history. Now I definitely have to write a sequel to "The Reckoning of These Song Titles. And "nudist flutist" -- somebody saw a tape of "Laugh-In" circa 1969. Guess it never occured to Dan Rowan & Dick Martin to add "Buddhist." Spaff, you and I were both born at least 30 years too late.
Claude Prez - July 08, 2004 - Report this comment
I always did think they were saying "douche" for some reason. Too many great lines to mention, but I will say the word "fister" always makes me laugh no matter what.
Notorious Ones - July 09, 2004 - Report this comment
This is a god damned conspiracy.
Arwen - July 13, 2004 - Report this comment
Am I the only one who has noticed that Spaff is MIA??
Spaff.com - July 13, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanx, Cookie Monster & Lee OJ (x2) & Philbo & Peter chyd & Patagio & Johnny Dangle & Smeagol & Emi l'Oca (if I MUST thank you) & FrankenBarry & Country Rhodes & Stevenagh & RJP & Great K & Ravyn & C4P!

Johnkins: This peak has been scaled several times, and well. I'm just aiming to be the Göran Kropp of Amiright.
Evenstar: Sorry - I was hanging out with the MIA Maids. Lemme know when you'll be in town - maybe Sister Kicksass can join us for the first-ever meeting of the Amiright Zion Branch.
Looney 2nz: Get your culo out of that Internet cafe and go see Italia! Porca miseria!
Michaelopedia: I know what Laugh-In is, of course, but I've never seen it. But if they had nudist flutists on it, I'm all over it. As for being born too late, yeah, I often wish that I'd been a teenager in the 60s. Except for how much older that would make me now. And that whole draft thing.
Arwen - July 14, 2004 - Report this comment
Sister Kicksass and I are totally up for it...not sure when I'll be down...but we are SOOO getting together. You'll have to take care of all the important stuff...you know...invocation...benediction...um...rest hymn...um...oh, and talks. AKA and I are going to do a sequined, star spangled dance review for a very special Sharing Time. =()
Ashkicksass - July 14, 2004 - Report this comment
Laughing...too...hard...to...type...
Ashkicksass - July 14, 2004 - Report this comment
Still laughing Arwen... Oh, and Spaff, the reason I never commented on this is because I don't know the original very well. I only know the chorus. But it's really funny!
The Reflection of Perfection - July 14, 2004 - Report this comment
About the parody: ...mediocre... About me: Today I was putting on my deodorant in the bathroom and when lifeted up my arms........I saw the BEST looking pecs I've ever seen before. Now I'm not bragging or anything, but WOW were they good looking. So I put my deodorant on and smelt good. Not that I needed it because I'm perfect, but it doesn't hurt to smell good...and be perfect too. More About The Parody: ...DKTOS... ...Narcissism is the root of all infatuation...
Arwen - July 15, 2004 - Report this comment
Oh, I'm sorry, TROP, the position of "the most vain person in this and/or middle earth" has been filled.
Ashkicksass - July 16, 2004 - Report this comment
That was random...
The Reflection of Perfection - July 16, 2004 - Report this comment
...He who is not perfect is not worth it...
Arwen - July 16, 2004 - Report this comment
Um...okay.
Spaff.com - July 17, 2004 - Report this comment
Sister Evenstar & Sister Kicksass: Wow, I can't wait for Sharing Time! I'll bring the refreshments.
Arwen - July 17, 2004 - Report this comment
Sounds like a deal...as long as you wear an electronic/flashing sandwich board and walk up and down the aisles while you distribute them. (It's part of the show...don't ask questions...)
Spaff.com - July 17, 2004 - Report this comment
Why would I question that? It's what I wear 24/7.
Arwen - July 17, 2004 - Report this comment
LOL!!! You realize, however, that if, when we convene in the Beehive state, you're not wearing a sandwich board that flashes the words "Welcome Sisters Evenstar and Kicksass to the first ever meeting of the Amiright Zion's Branch and oh my HECK you two are SOOO hot!!!" that you're going to break my little heart. Just FYI...
Ashkicksass - July 18, 2004 - Report this comment
Or else it could say "Ashkicksass is a princess." Either one would be fine with me.
Arwen - July 18, 2004 - Report this comment
Nuh-uh!
Spaff.com - July 31, 2004 - Report this comment
Now, now, Sisters. Sandwich boards are two-sided, remember. It already says BOTH of those things.
Know 1 can hear you dream - August 03, 2004 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Already commented. Now restoring my 5s.
Arwen - August 05, 2004 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Well there go my chances for ever placing in this contest...; ) 5s!
Ahnonamis - August 08, 2004 - Report this comment
I agree. There goes Arwen's chance for even placing. 5^3
Adagio - August 08, 2004 - Report this comment
(SOTM) 5's
BLO-TOWN - August 08, 2004 - Report this comment
SOTM-I voted...
Rick D - August 08, 2004 - Report this comment
I work with a nudist flutist. I recommend it.
Phil Alexander - August 09, 2004 - Report this comment
Rick... does Mari know?
Paul Robinson - August 09, 2004 - Report this comment
Spaff - glad the "comments" section brought me over to this one. Thanks Rick & Phil - 5's - Spaff, so much truth, so many great lines - so many donuts that I've eaten tonight (just finished my 6th - for someone who gave them up over a yr. ago. Buzzzzzzzzzz...did you know that "plain" donuts still have as much Fat and over half the sugar as all the painted and sugared ones? I just read it on the box...). Great parody. I'm really gonna try to go to bed now...
Leo Jay - August 09, 2004 - Report this comment
SOTM - Returning (as myself this time) to say: Finally, Spaff -- I was wondering when you'd finally get the hang of this parody thing! For once, my 5-5-5 isn't just out of pity.
Johnny Dickhead - August 09, 2004 - Report this comment
(SOTM July)

It's STILL got pee!
It's STILL got douches with Sprite!
It's STILL got gerbils and fisters and dim-witted sisters!
It's STILL (and ever shall be!) a Double-D-Delight!
Agrimorfee - August 09, 2004 - Report this comment
Spaff, you are genius, as evidenced by this verse which I MUST REPRINT IN ITS ENTIRETY... Some no-bath polymath telepathic psychopath Torched my pick-up truck These Atkins-y bratty twins, real as calfskin mannequins Said that all my records suck Then the cutest absolutist and the Buddhist nudist flutist Got blitzed and shot my cow And the high-class tight-ass rhinoplastic pederast She gave me gas - don't ask how Absofuclinglutely incredible! ROFLMAO. 555
Paul Robinson - August 09, 2004 - Report this comment
Postcript to my donut rampage: I felt SO sick today...NEVER again...This is still a fantastic parody, though, even through non-sugar-tainted eyes...
Phil Nelson - August 10, 2004 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Hilarious. Don't know how I missed this before. So many good lines. 5's
Dee Range - August 10, 2004 - Report this comment
SOTM One question Spaff.com.....Are you human? Because nobody on earth writes this good
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - August 10, 2004 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Truly magnificent! [the bits in brackets accentuated the ingenius humour]
Melhi - August 14, 2004 - Report this comment
SOTM -- a masterpiece, Spaff. :)
Sweet Indigo - August 17, 2004 - Report this comment
I don't know if anyone's said this yet (too lazy to read all the comments) but this is much better than the original :D
Meriadoc - August 25, 2004 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Probably will be - heh heh... restoring my 5s.
Spaff.com - August 26, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanx, Peter chyd & Patagio & BLO & (the actual) Lee OJ & Aggro & Nel Philson & Ralphing Brat [heh heh] & Grandmaster Melle Melhi & Sweet Indy & Smeagol!
Ahnonamis & Sister Evenstar: It's not about placing - it's about guilt-tripping 20+ people into reading your stuff.
RAD: Got any band camp stories?
P-Rob: Fat-fried sugar - Why would you ever consider giving that up?
Johnny: I STILL appreciate your dickheadedness.
Dee Mocracy: No, in fact, I'm a virus.
Claude Prez - August 27, 2004 - Report this comment
Wow again. The crack about avoiding more of Springsteen's lyrics by itself makes this one of the funniest songs on the site; the rest is gravy. Really really GOOD GRAVY.
Peregrin - August 30, 2004 - Report this comment
Excellent wordplay Spaff.c, I really enjoyed this.
Jeff Reuben - August 30, 2004 - Report this comment
SOTM--Flat out excellent Spaff!
Jack Wilson - August 30, 2004 - Report this comment
Mustve missed this one, great job! 555!
JULY 2004 SONG OF THE MONTH GOLD MEDAL - September 01, 2004 - Report this comment
http://www.inthe00s.com/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=3009.0;id=1426;image
Mari D - September 06, 2004 - Report this comment
How did I miss this one? I've parodied the OS and know how tough it is. Kudos from a nudist flutist! And wasn't Bruce "dressed up like a douche, another runner in the night"?
Mari D - September 06, 2004 - Report this comment
How did I miss this one? I've parodied the OS and know how tough it is. Kudos from a nudist flutist! And wasn't Bruce "dressed up like a douche, another runner in the night"?
Spaff.com - September 08, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanx, C4P (again) & Pippin & Jeffaroo & Jackie!
MAD: It was your "Blighted by the Lice" that demonstrated that this song could actually be parodied successfully. Oh, and hey - when's your next recital?
John Jenkins - February 10, 2005 - Report this comment
This time around I got attached to the "firestarter martyr in a veil and garter" and still found it to be original.
Spaff.com - February 22, 2005 - Report this comment
Wow, Johnkins, you've been busy. You're now the first and last person to comment on this. Thank you repeatedly.
2nz - March 14, 2005 - Report this comment
Still mad fun with rhymage, Missa Spaff.
Spaff.com - March 14, 2005 - Report this comment
Thanx, 2nz. Visited the dentist lately?
Jayson Lee - July 08, 2005 - Report this comment
The internal rhymature is most impressival and the hole thing betrays a level of geniosity that is staggering to the brainial matter.
Spaff.com - September 12, 2005 - Report this comment
Belated thanx, Jayson, for your eruditical remarkment.
Jack Wilson - October 20, 2006 - Report this comment
Wanna know what I thought last night that I always thought was pretty funny. The guy that snag this OS,is the same guy that did Doo Wah Diddy Diddy,whod a thunk it? *waits for some DJ guy to read this comment and decides to do a mash up of both songs which would be HILARIOUS* "There she was just a walkin down the street singin , BLIIIIIIIIIIIIINDED BY THE LIGHT Doo wah diddiy didy dum diddy REVVED UP LIKE A DEUCE ANOTHER RUNNER doo iN THE NIGHT"
Jack Wilson - October 20, 2006 - Report this comment
Which gives me a GREAT parody idea
Spaff.com - November 10, 2006 - Report this comment
That would be quite a mashup, Jackie. Add a few samples from "The Mighty Quinn" and you've got...well...something.
Jack Wilson - November 10, 2006 - Report this comment
LOL Ill check hat one out too! Then Ill make this HAPPEN! Blinded By the Doo Wah Mighty Quinn

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