As sung by Attorney General John Ashcroft:

(instrumental intro)

Look around you... look up there.
It's time to fight crime,
Fight crime - no statues bare!
Look around... let it start.
I'm gonna splinter the First Amendment part.

And I so detest...
To see a bare breast.
That statue's no virtue.
When bare, it will hurt...
It's gonna hurt you...

It's such slime, I know, that statued lady above...
She made me think of sins I never thought of.
Needs a gown, or I'll take it down.
It's all wrong, pollution of your mind.
It's all wrong, to be bare all the time.

Bare Lady... no one's gonna look at you now.
You're bare-breasted no more.
Nakedness covered up now.
Bare Lady... I think it's only fair that I covered you.
Don't be thinking that I don't want to
'Cause people will boo.

(instrumental break)

Look around... company.
I have the answers, and know where I wanna be.
Look around.... let it start.
I have sworn to just splinter the First Amendment part.

And I so detest...
To see a bare breast.
That statue's no virtue.
When bare, it will hurt...
It's gonna hurt you...

Bare Lady... no one's gonna look at you now.
You're bare-breasted no more.
Nakedness covered up now.
Bare Lady... I think it's only fair that I covered you.
Don't be thinkin' that I don't want to,
'Cause people will boo.
Don't be thinkin' that I don't want to, Lady so blue.