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Song Parodies -> "Ausiderata"

Original Song Title:

"Desiderata"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Les Crane

Parody Song Title:

"Ausiderata"

Parody Written by:

Stuart McArthur

The Lyrics

WARNING - read no further if you have no interest in Aussie Rules football - it will be a complete waste of your precious time :-)
You are a child of the A.F.L.
no less than the media stars
You have a contract to be here

Go placidly, amidst the boys and plays
for remember what peace there may be
in suspension
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with the umpires
Speak your truth quietly
and clearly
and listen to others
even to Mark Williams
for he too has his story
Avoid Jason Akermanis
He is a vexation to the spirit
If you compare yourself with James Hird
you may become troubled or bitter
for always he will be a greater, better person...
...than yourself

You are a child of the A.F.L.
no less than the media stars
You have a contract to be here

And whether or not it is clear to you
Mike's TOPfiftyplayers
are unfolding
as they should

Enjoy one-percenters
as much as speccies and torps
and keep interested in your own stats
however humble, they are a real possession as you approach end-of-season trading
Exercise caution in researching opponents
for Kevin Sheedy is full of trickery
But let this not blind you to what a genius he is
Many persons strive to be wily strategists
and everywhere life is full of Peter Rhodeses

Be yourself.
Especially do not feign intelligence
Neither be honest or original to the media
for in the face of all their bullying cynicism
a cliché is as perennial as the grass
Take kindly late night calls from Caro Wilson
and deny visiting taverns
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you from unkind position moves...
....but do not distress yourself with imaginings
Many fears take the form of playing in front of Barry Hall
Except for the end of season trip...

.....be gentle with yourself.


YOUare a child of the A.F.L.
no less than the media stars
YOU have a contract to be here

And whether or not it is clear to you
Mike's TOPfiftyplayers
are unfolding
as they should

Therefore
be at peace with Mike Sheahan
whatever you conceive Him to be
And whatever your labors and aspirations
in the noisy confusion of football
buy an inner suburban pub
With all its sham.......drudgery and broken dreams
it is still a beautiful place to hang your old team photos
Strive for a media career

You are a child of the A.F.L.
no less than the media stars
You have a contract to be here

You are a child of the A.F.L.
no less than the media stars
You have a contract to be here

You are a child of the A.F.L.
no less than the media stars
You have a contract to be here

(fade)
www.afl.com.au

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 4.6
Overall Rating: 4.8

Total Votes: 9

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

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 2   0
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 3   0
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 4   0
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 5   9
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User Comments

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John Barry - February 09, 2005 - Report this comment
Don't know anything about the subject, so I won't vote, but the title is hilarious.
Jeff Reuben - February 09, 2005 - Report this comment
One of those things I watch on ESPN58 at 2 in the morning...specifically because I don't know all the rules and it's entertaining.
Johnny D - February 09, 2005 - Report this comment
This is freakin' hilarious! "Therefore be at peace with Mike Sheahan whatever you conceive Him to be" ... LOL ! 555!
Stuart McArthur - February 09, 2005 - Report this comment
If you know how seriously Aussie Rules footballers take themselves, the joke works, otherwise not, but thanks for the read John and Jeff

Johnny - if you knew how seriously Mike Sheahan, our leading football writer takes himself, the joke works, but it did with you anyway, so thanks
Michael Pacholek - February 09, 2005 - Report this comment
Desiderata, why don't you come to your senses... At first, I thought "Mike Sheahan" was "Mike Shanahan," coach of the Denver Broncos. Of course, there are plenty of American sportswriters who take themselves that seriously. (Are you listening, Reverend Bill Plaschke of the L.A. Times?)
Kristof Robertson - February 10, 2005 - Report this comment
I salute you, master of the Aussie Rules parody! 555...ps if you can get the words "Robert Dipierdomenico" into a parody, I'll send you a tenner.
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - February 11, 2005 - Report this comment
DKTOS. Don't know what AFL is. I'll just toddle off to the traitor cell.
Stuart McArthur - February 11, 2005 - Report this comment
Hmmm, Queensland right? - your team, the Brisbane Lions - won 3 of the last 4 AFL premierships - best team ever to play the game - still no? - I know Queensland's a Rugby state, but puh-lease.....
Agrimorfee - February 11, 2005 - Report this comment
What a topic to write a parody on! Nothing will ever beat "Deteriorata" from the National Lampoon ("You are a fluke of the universe/You have no right to be here...Go placidly, amid the noise and haste..." :)
Stuart McArthur - February 11, 2005 - Report this comment
That's right Agri. We were talking about "Deteriorata" on the TOTTM thread and I mentioned I'd once written a version of Desiderata about our national (Australian) football game for one of our newspapers, and I said I'd dig it out and post it
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - February 13, 2005 - Report this comment
NSW actually, the maroon face paint is actually a birth defect.
Meriadoc - February 14, 2005 - Report this comment
What? No mention of Daniel Bradshaw? ~sniff~ :-P
FussBudget - February 14, 2005 - Report this comment
Well done Stuart! I was hoping to see a mention of Lou Richards in there! Great work!
Stuart McArthur - February 14, 2005 - Report this comment
* ahem - strokes chin - thinks *

yes, Merry, I guess you're right - those 3 goals Bradshaw kicked against Port in the GF almost turned the game for Brisbane - especially the first one, from outside fifty and off his non-preferred - or was that the second one?..........Merry?? :-)

thanks FussBudget, and I have actually written one that mentions Lou Richards - see
http://www.amiright.com/parody/70s/kevinjohnson0.shtml

and thanks Merry and FussBudget for the 5s!
Meriadoc - February 15, 2005 - Report this comment
Heck, I don't know - I just think he's kind of cute - sort of looks a little bit like a good friend of mine... ;-)
Stuart McArthur - February 15, 2005 - Report this comment
you're so full of surprises Merry - so, as well as being pretty up on Aussie music, you also know about Aussie Rules! :-O

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