(long instrumental opening)

There's an actor who's sure
he'll be fitted for gold
and he's bidding for Double-O-Seven.

If he gets there he knows
that the doors seeming closed
with a word, they will open, his fame for.

Oo-oo-woo, oo-oo-woo
and he's bidding for Double-O-Seven.

There's a sign on the wall, "Orlando, are you sure?
And you know sometimes roles have auditions."
In Ian Fleming's book, young James Bond had his flings.
Play him? Bloom? Nay, your thoughts are misgiven.

Oo-oo-woo, oo-oo-woo
and he's bidding for Double-O-Seven.

There's a feeling I get that Roger Moore was best
but Sean Connery's picked by the masses.
In my thoughts I have seen blasts of smoke from the planes
that Pierce Brosnan has blown up through passes.

Oo-oo-woo, oo-oo-woo
and he's bidding for Double-O-Seven.

And it's whispered that soon Mister John Barry's tune
will be piped in for young man Orlando.
When that new day will dawn, lines won't be very long.
We wish they'd see what Hugh Jackman can do.

Oooo... Orlando will blunder...

Oooo... Orlando will blunder...

If there's a tussle for the Bond Girl, don't be alarmed now.
It's just an inkling of the good Queen.
Yes, there are two paths you can go by, but in the long run
there's still time to change the way you lean.

Your head is pounding and it won't go, because you don't know
this piker's calling you to take him.
Dear lady, can't you hear his films blow, and did you know
a fair way is to hire a better Jim.

(guitar break)

And as we wind up shooting scenes
our budget taller than our green
there walks a lady we all know
but is she Anya or Galore?
Will villain's heart still turn to gold?
And if you listen very hard
wisdom will come to us at last
and tell Orlando to begone
and tell him, "Goodbye, Mister Bond!"

(guitar close)

And he's bi-i-ding for Dou-ou-ble...O-Seven!