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Song Parodies -> "Airway to Septum"

Original Song Title:

"Stairway to Heaven"

Original Performer:

Led Zeppelin

Parody Song Title:

"Airway to Septum"

Parody Written by:

John A. Barry

The Lyrics

*The Nez Percé (French for Pierced Nose) were an American Indian tribe. Lionel Stander (1908-1994), gravel-voiced character actor; played Max in the "Hart to Hart" TV series and was especially good as "Guru Brahmin" in the 1965 film "The Loved One."
There's a lady whose nose gets stopped up when she blows,
So she's prying the airway to septum.
Can't get far up her nose, 'cause nostrils nearly closed,
That is why she is now using brute force.
Blow, blow, and she's prying the airway to septum.

There's a sigh, but it's stalled by the nostrils' closure,
Though she constantly gives the two reamings.
It could flow like a brook; she could wear a nose ring,
But her septum is blocked and misshapen.
No Nez Percé*. . .encumbered.
No Nez Percé. . .encumbered.

There's a feeling she gets, when her uvula's wetó
The postnasal drip hinders her breathing.
In her fantasies, she can blow smoke rings and sneeze,
And her voice won't sound like Stander*, hocking.
No Nez Percé. . .encumbered.
No Nez Percé. . .really encumbered.

If she whispers, the rheum stuck in her nose ain't spewn.
'Cause her pipes are all lesioned and wheezin'.
Out they just can't be drawn: mucus strands that are long.
She can't get fingers up there to capture.

If there's a snuffle in her head holes, you know she won't blow.
To get clean, she needs a machine.
Yes, there are two paths, but they've been long plugged.
"You must change the rhino roads, doc!
And, when you snake, don't blunder!"

Her head is humming as the doc goes, with steel, up her nose.
The pipes are joined; he'll detach them.
This lady then can make the wind blow and get a free flow.
Her airway emits a blustery wind.

Some say the eyes; she says the nose
Forms the window into the soul.

There hocks a lady, and she blows.
Mucus flies; alights on doc's toes.

He has helped her to reach her goal:
To make it not so awfully hard
To exhale a tuba-like blast.
The awling's done; clarion call
Bursts from her nose like thunder's roll.

No more prying the airway to septum!

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.1
How Funny: 4.0
Overall Rating: 4.1

Total Votes: 9

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   2
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   7

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Phil Alexander - September 17, 2004 - Report this comment
Excellent in parts, some super lines and use of the original song ("if there's a snuffle in her head holes", for example).
Johnny D - September 17, 2004 - Report this comment
Great job --- you blew the living snot out of the original song!
Adagio - September 17, 2004 - Report this comment
This sounds like an awful dilemna to be in...I'm going to wonder from now on, what do they do when they get a cold (besides have the doc ream it out). 5's
John Barry - September 17, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks, Phil, JD, Adagio.
alvin rhodes - September 17, 2004 - Report this comment
excellent...especially "snuffle in her head holes"
Paul Robinson - September 18, 2004 - Report this comment
JB - Ouch! Excellent nose job here...

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