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Song Parodies -> "Heinz Fifty Seven"

Original Song Title:

"Stairway To Heaven"

Original Performer:

Led Zeppelin

Parody Song Title:

"Heinz Fifty Seven"

Parody Written by:

Guy DiRito

The Lyrics

John Kerry has been pointing fingers at others saying that too much outsourcing is hurting the job market. Stats show that of the 79 Heinz plants that he controls, only 22 remain in the states and 57 have been outsourced overseas. Funny that it's Heinz 57 and 57 is the number of plants that have been moved overseas.
That John Kerry's obscure,
Is there truth to be told?
And he's married to Heinz fifty-seven.
It's that ketchup that's slow,
All the plants stateside closed,
Outsourced is that condiment that you pour,
Ooh, ooh and he's married to Heinz fifty-seven.

A sign on, the plant wall,
Moved Kuala Lumpur,
When jobs go to third herd, it's demeaning.
John Kerry, take a look,
Unemployment you bring,
The cheap labor you sought is greed driven.
Ooh, don't knuckle under,
Ooh, don't knuckle under.

It's like stealing you bet,
But you always contest,
And we hear it your lying and stealing.
All your talk, so it seems,
Is just really smoke screens,
Poor job choices for those who are looking,
Ooh, you'll drag us under,
Ooh, you really drag us under.

Profits are opportune,
In a place like Cancun.
A job wiper for profits you're squeezin'.
Now you done them all wrong,
All the Heinz plants are gone,
It's the poorest that you don't look after.

Now it's a dust hole in Northboro,
They lost the farm now.
You stopped the sprinkling of assets green.
Now there are few plants not gone bye-bye.
How long will they run,
'Fore it's time to change the site they're on?
And you drag them under.

Your nose you're thumbing as you make dough,
And you bring woe.
Job wipers seeming now you've joined them.
Dear Kerry, you too made the jobs go,
Still you yell so.
You're "fairplay" wise to the profit margin.

As the plants move down the road,
The marrow's cut down to the bone,
Heinz stocks up steady as they grow,
And laid off workers take the blow.
As mortgages begin to fold,
You get the meat they get the lard.
It's just some kethup, it's not gas,
Not all for one and one for all,
Just want to rock on exit poll.

Outsourced plants now num-ber fifty seven.

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Voting Results

Pacing: 3.7
How Funny: 3.7
Overall Rating: 3.7

Total Votes: 3

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   2

User Comments

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dude - April 01, 2004 - Report this comment
Try and get your news from somewhere reliable and less partisan. Kerry's wife has next to nothing to do with the Heinz corporation, since she owns around 4% of the company, hardly influential. Not to mention, that Heinz is a multi-national, and sells food in other countries, so it needs plants in countries where they sell, otherwise the food would spoil before reaching market.
Jack Wilson - April 01, 2004 - Report this comment
This was great! 555!
Adagio - April 01, 2004 - Report this comment
I never knew that about him! Hehe good song! 5's
John Jenkins - April 01, 2004 - Report this comment
Very timely and well done, Guy.

Dude, you are correct that there are some very good reasons for Heinz to outsource. But there are very good reasons for most, if not all, of the CEOs that Senator Kerry labels "Benedict Arnolds" to outsource, as well. The more jobs that American companies outsource to India, the more India purchases of American-made products and services.
Johnny D - April 01, 2004 - Report this comment
If you keep crankin' out quality parodies like this one, Guy, and pullin' in the fives, nobody's gonna ketchup with you. 5's
Royce Miller - April 01, 2004 - Report this comment
you go, Guy
Red Neck Mother - April 01, 2004 - Report this comment
Really good,Guy. I liked "you get the meat, they get the lard"5-5-5
Crack-Head Bob aka RedDog - April 02, 2004 - Report this comment
Hi, Guy- This one was deep enough for me to need scuba gear, but my rating is solid 5's. Not only did it flow well, but the subject matter was decidedly appropoe (or however you spell that). I'm curious how this parody would've looked if Dean got the nomination :-)
Ravyn Rant - April 02, 2004 - Report this comment
Loved the last part.
Meriadoc - April 02, 2004 - Report this comment
Good one Guy.
Royce Miller - June 09, 2004 - Report this comment
Have you changed your name, Guy--are you still around? Hope you're fine--

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