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Song Parodies -> "(It's Not Lupus) It's Gangrene"

Original Song Title:

"(It's Not Easy) Bein' Green"

Original Performer:

Kermit the Frog

Parody Song Title:

"(It's Not Lupus) It's Gangrene"

Parody Written by:

Michael Pacholek

The Lyrics

The TV series "House" is set in Plainsboro, New Jersey, 18 miles from my own house. Matthias wrote a great parody titled "Jerk Named Doctor House." But he didn't mention the "It's not lupus!/It's never lupus!" catchphrase. That's like writing a parody about Jennifer Lopez (or Kim Kardashian) and writing about her eyes instead of, you know. So, while I'm not a doctor, and I don't even play one on TV (that old line goes back to Robert Young when he was "Marcus Welby, M.D."), I think I do have a cure for this situation.
It's not lupus, no, it's gangrene.
That's why your leg has turned the color of the leaves.
And I think it could be dire
if it's red, or yellow, or gold
or something much more colorful like that.

It's not lupus, no, it's gangrene.
Your symptoms show up as so many other ordinary things.
If lupus, we could pass it over
'cause it doesn't stand out
like fleshy chancres on your privates
or cysts in your eye.

Gangrene is so easy to treat.
And we may not have to amputate.
My bill will be big like an ocean
'cause my ego's like a mountain
because I'm House, M.D.

Gangrene is all I thought 'twould be
but now I have to wonder why.
Why'd I blunder, I blunder?
Not gangrene.
It's lupus, fine!
Prescription's filled!

And alone is what I want to be!
What bothers me is that lupus can be pretty dangerous. It killed newsman Charles Kuralt, author Flannery O'Connor, actor Ray Walston, probably killed Britain's Queen Anne and writer Louisa May Alcott, and, from a musical perspective, Georgeanna Tillman of the Marvelettes. Supposedly, Michael Jackson was treated for it (but that's not what killed him), as were singers Seal and Toni Braxton, Bobbie Brown (the woman in Warrant's "Cherry Pie" video), and baseball legend Tim Raines. Lady Gaga says she's tested borderline positive for it and that it runs in her family. I've never known anyone who's had it (as far as I know), but It's not funny at all.

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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 3

Voting Breakdown

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    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   3

User Comments

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Rebekah Dub - November 04, 2011 - Report this comment
The difference between lupus and gangrene though (correct me if I'm wrong) is that lupus is an autoimmune condition, wherein the immune system attacks itself. It's similar to fibromyalgia. Gangrene, on the other hand, occurs when a part of the body loses blood supply. Perhaps I'm taking it all too literally because I don't watch the show "House." Good parody though!
Matthias - November 06, 2011 - Report this comment
Ah! I see! Now I get it! Thanks Mike!

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