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Song Parodies -> "The Gamer"

Original Song Title:

"The Gambler"

Original Performer:

Kenny Rogers

Parody Song Title:

"The Gamer"

Parody Written by:

Susanna Viljanen

The Lyrics

Gaming is addictive, but it does not necessarily mean financial ruin.
On the past summer weekend in some SF con somewhere,
I met up with a gamer; a man about my age
Now' I've done my quota of gaming, so we had a thing in common
He was jaded too and bored as hell and that is what he spake:

He said: "Oh boy, I've made a world from pure imagination
A world that's full of creatures both weird and wonderful
Dragons, dwarfs and people, trolls and elfs and goblins
With all the things I know our kind just would consider cool"

"I've played so many systems, D-and-D to Rolemaster,
from Middle Earth to RuneQuest, Pendragon and the GURPS
I've played a many fighter; I've cast my spells as wizard
I've stolen stuff as thief and game-mastered too those dwerps

"You got to know when to hit' em, know when to zap 'em,
Know when to stab their back and know when to run.
You never count your hitpoints when youre in the midst of melee.
Therell be time enough for countin when the slaying's done."

Now every gamer knows that the secret to surviving
Is knowing all the monsters' stats and what the rulebook reads.
'cause every dungeon's a winner and every dungeon's loser,
And the best that you can hope for is to get high in XPs.

So when he'd finished speaking, he put his hand in pocket
He clenched his fist and took it off and came up with his dice
A D4, D6, D8, and icosahedron -
He asked me if I'd join the game for one more time, so nice

Yes, I know when to hit 'em, know whe to zap 'em
Know when to stab their backs and when to run away
We were six out there that evening - I played again my cleric
And that gamer was the DM for his world which we did play -

Yes, we got to know when to hit 'em, know when to zap 'em,
Know when to use our wits and where to find the gold
We had so much fun that evening - my kudos, Gary Gygax -
I know I never will grow up - just get a bit more old!

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Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 4

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User Comments

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Patrick - April 28, 2009 - Report this comment
I have no idea what you are talking about, but this is the first time I've ever seen the word "icosahedron" in a song---or anywhere.
Susanna Viljanen - April 28, 2009 - Report this comment
Patrick, the song is about fantasy role-playing games. I was myself a pretty active gamer during my college years, and I still do have the Dungeons & Dragons rulebooks. Most role-playing games use various dice: D4 is a pyramid-shape dice numbered 1 to 4, D6 is normal "cube dice", D8 is eight-sided dodecahedron and "icosahedron" refers to 20-sided D20 dice. "You know when to hit him" = fighter, "to zap them" = wizard (zap = cast spells), "to stab their back" = thief. XPs = experience points.
Phil Alexander - April 28, 2009 - Report this comment
:-)

...my "Gamer" parody to this OS is so completely different. So tell me, was that really Gary Gygax you ran into? I did a bit of RPG, until I got into LRP (live role-play, sometimes LARP, live action role-play), which is so much more fun :-D
Patrick - April 28, 2009 - Report this comment
I grew up in the early 1960's playing cowboy and Indian with cap guns. Now I do it with real guns and blanks. I enter my parodies on a borrowed computer. Don't have one at home. That space is taken up by a rotary dial phone and a collection of vinyl records. Tech baffles me. But for today, I now know what "icosahedron" means.
Susanna Viljanen - April 29, 2009 - Report this comment
Phil, no, he wasn't :) I am personally more inclined to history re-enactment - my perception was that reality was more fascinating than fantasy. Our group is a Middle Ages re-enactment group. I have done live-action role-playing as well - we have a wide selection of armour and boffer weapons at basement.

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