In a warm mideast country,
In the middle of nowhere,
There lives a crazy gambler
Who they call Saddam Hussein.
And he keeps busy hatching
Lots of plans for domination.
Even though he always loses,
He's addicted to the game.

He says, "Folks, I've made a living
Out of military madness.
It's true my nation's starving,
But my bank account is grand.
Now I'm working on some weapons
That'll bring my foes some sadness
And those darn UN inspectors
Are too dumb to tip my hand. "

"Now I love to hear the peaceniks,
Who are trying to protect me.
I love the French and Germans
Gonna miss 'em when they die.
But if I can just keep hanging
I will soon have me the big one.
If the UN just don't find me out,
The whole world's gonna cry."

"You got to know how to cheat 'em,
Know how to beat 'em,
Know how to hide in holes,
Know how to run.
You never count your weapons,
Never lay it on the table.
There'll be time enough for counting
When the killin's done."

"Now every tyrant knows
That the secret of survival
Is knowing how to rig the vote
And knowing how to lie.
They can't see that I'm a winner,
Though the world thinks I'm a loser.
I'll keep raking in the big bucks
While my people die."

"Now it's true I hate Osama,
But you bet your lovin' mama,
That I'd kiss his butt on CNN,
For a chance to nuke the Yanks.
Now the moral of my story,
Is to always go for glory.
When the world makes me victorious
I'll gas 'em to say thanks!"

"You got to know how to cheat 'em,
Know how to beat 'em,
Know how to hide in holes,
Know how to run.
You never count your weapons,
Never lay it on the table.
There'll be time enough for counting
When the killin's done."