1. Well you’re so good lookin’, unlike you bad cookin’,
Your casseroles glow in the dark.
What’s worse is your chicken, when your gravy thickens
Like poop on the ground in the park.
I’ve eaten some bad meals, barfed on my boot heels,
I’ve sat on your toilet all night.
I don’t mean to be cruel, your stew is the worst gruel,
My face has turned permanently white.

2. It all starts with breakfast, when I slit my left wrist
while cutting your homemade French toast,
That’s hard as a flagpole, as I stuffed my piehole
I’m starting to look like a ghost.
Your sausage and bacon do sure leave me achin’,
Those undercooked eggs left me sick.
Orange juice gladness turned into great sadness
Like old dogs once owned by Mike Vick.

You picked a fine time to serve me fried eel,
With rotten potatoes and some crap from the field.
I’ve had some bad meals,
Been run down by big wheels,
But this time my stomach won’t heal.
You picked a fine time to serve me fried eel.

MODULATE

3. So this is my story, I’ll see no more glory
My Beano don’t work anymore.
With gaseous explosions, intestinal erosions
I packed up and walked out the door.
I’ll miss her sweet smile, but after awhile
I know I’ll find someone who cooks.
I’ll put an ad in the paper, put an end to this caper
Find a girl, who’s arms have no hooks.

You picked a fine time to serve me fried eel,
With rotten potatoes and some crap from the field.
I’ve had some bad meals,
Been run down by big wheels,
But this time my stomach won’t heal.
You picked a fine time to serve me fried eel.